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make daddy proud _____
↬dedicated to nadiaturners bc I love your stories and look up to you _____
🖤
My thoughts started to slowly drift away, I practically wasted eight months of my life. I mean, I didn't really waste them, but these months were full of stress, we bought so much stuff for the baby and we even decorated a whole room for it. And now I was here having to realize that my baby was dead and that everything we had done the last few months was for exactly nothing. We wouldn't need the baby clothes and the new decorated room anymore.
No, nothing of that. Nothing mattered anymore. Not my friends, neither my family or even Johnny and my own life. I felt empty, I felt guilty and I felt stupid. We lost our baby and that was only because of me. Because I had that stupid heart attac, because of me our baby had to die. I never felt more guilty than right now. God, I was so stupid. I suddenly started to regret everything, I even regretted meeting Johnny. If I just would have never met him, I would never have had sex with him, I never would've almost get raped by Jacob Satorious and we never would've had unprotected sex. I never would have get pregnant and I never would have had lost my baby.
I thought about it and realized that I shouldn't be thinking this. I shouldn't regret that I met Johnny or having sex with him. It's not even his fault that the baby died. He did nothing wrong. He did the total opposite. He always cared for me and did his best to support me. He loved me whatever I did and no matter what happened. He was the one person in my life, who was worth it to live for. He did everything for me, he helped me through everything. I should be thankful to have him and not regret that I met him. I should love him how he deserves it. I should help him now. Help him to go trough the hell and back, because the pain from losing our baby hit him just as hard as it hit me.
By now the nurse had left the room and me and Johnny were again left alone. "Johnny, I love you. And I'm sorry." He gave me the confused what-are-you-talking-about look, before he replied with a soft voice. "You don't have to be sorry, nothing of this is your fault. No one could know that you'd have a heart attac, it's okay. No one is at fault." He looked me in the eyes to make sure I heard everything he said. I slowly nodded. "Maybe, it wasn't meant to be. Do you- do you think that was a sign?" I asked, my voice dripping of nervousness. "Maybe it was just too early. Maybe we should've wait... you know, should've been more careful." He answered and shrugged his shoulders.
I nodded my head in response and slowly leaned my head against his shoulder while he swiftly grabbed my hand and hold it. I never wanted to let him go.
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sun is shining outside and it's hella hot in my room oof🔥
