Undercover Love

Chapter 44

Julia's POV

The next morning, I made a call to the captain, pretending I'd had food poisoning and felt too sick to come to work. Of course it was a lie. The real reason behind all this was I actually wanted a day off to go visit a doctor because I needed to know how far along I was in my pregnancy. Honestly, if I had known how painful all the exams were gonna be, I'd have gone to the chapel today instead. 

They ran blood and urine tests, checked my blood pressure, weighed me, asked a lot of stupid and embarassing questions like what medications I was on or stuff about my period. I already didn't appreciate it at all, but the worst part was definitely the physical exam. Being the shy type, I'd never gone to a gynecologist in my entire life because I didn't feel lik allowing a perfect stranger to see my lady parts. Well, it's only fair to say I've been served with the pap smear they decided to do to me. And as if I hadn't already had enough like this, they pressed my abdomen not so gently, apparently to check the size of my uterus or something. At some point, I fell apart and started crying because it was emotionally too much. 

If only Tom had been there to hold me in his arms and comfort me. He would have  helped me going through all this. But unfortunately he wasn't there and I couldn't even blame him since he didn't know anything. Well, judging by the way he acted when I tried to tell him the day before, I wasn't so sure anymore he would've been there for me if he knew anyway. It broke my heart to have to say that, but I was beginning to feel like our relationship was nearing its end. I had that strong gut feeling he really didn't care about me at all anymore. I mean, yesterday when I tried to speak to him he basically blew me off pretending he was too busy, and even after he was done with his paperwork, he never came to me to know what it was I'd been wanting to tell him earlier. That alone proved how much he cared about me. Besides, he didn't even say goodbye to me before leaving which was really unlike him. He never did it before actually. On the contrary, he would usually always want to hang out with me after work or something. But not yesterday night. 

Maybe he met someone else after all. Another girl prettier and funnier than me. Someone as wonderful as him, who unlike me, deserved to be with him. Maybe he had a date after work yesterday, that would explain why he was in such a hurry when he left. Anyway, I wanted him to be happy so I was prepared to accept it if he wanted to break up with me. I was just hoping he would still like me at least a little, just enough to want to keep me as a friend. I was really hoping our short love story hadn't broken our friendship forever. 

"You're seven weeks pregnant miss Andrew", the doctor informed, bringing me back to reality. A reassuring and genuine smile was plastered on her face as she sat back behind her desk. "I would've ordered an ultrasound right away, but since you might be getting an abortion, we're gonna wait a little before doing so. You're at the beginning of your pregnancy so you have quite some time in front of you to make up your mind, although it's better not to wait too long if you decide to go for the abortion. The sooner you'll get it, the less painful it'll be for you, both mentally and physically."

 I remained silent, looking at my hands whcih were resting in my lap. I slowly started realizing the situation I was in. I was only 22 and already pregnant. I was absolutely not ready for it, but forced to face it. I had no familly, no friends to help me going through this. I needed support but I was all alone. All alone with my baby. A baby that of course never asked for any of this mess, but was still unwanted and would be a burden parented by a child myself. 

"Aw don't cry dearie", the doctor said, her tone full of compassion as she came crouching down next to me. I hadn't even realized I was crying but judging by the wetness of my cheeks, indeed I was. She grabbed my hands and squeezed it gently in a comforting manner. "It's gonna be alright, you'll see. I know it's hard to believe for now but everything's gonna be alright, I promise", she assured me, her warm smile still on her face. She sounded so kind and so genuine, I think she was really wanting to help. She seemed to be in her mid-forties and somehow I kind of saw her like a mother figure. 

"I wish you were right, but sadly I doubt it", my voice cracked as I quietly spoke. "I don't know what to do, I'm so lost. I feel so helpless, so weak. I don't think I'll overcome this obstacle, it's like there's no way out of it. I can't see no hope. I'm starting to wonder if I'm not falling into a depression once more."

"Once more ?", the doctr curiously questioned.

"Yeah", I sighed, remembering my darkest days. "I went through a deep depression a few years ago after my grandmother passed away. We were extremey close and she was my only familly. I started living with her after my mother died from cancer when I was 8. Now I have nobody left at all. I never knew my father and I don't have any sieblings either. I'm totally alone."

 "What about the father of your baby ? Where is he ? Did he leave you ?"

"Well, technically we're still together but he doesn't know I'm pregnant. I don't think he gives a shit about me anyway. He used to be my best friend but now...I don't know", I explained as more tears filled my eyes.

"You should tell him. I know I don't know you or your life and I know I'm only your doctor but let me still advise you to tell him. Life taught me that you can never predict someone's reaction and also that talking often solves a lot of problems. Besides, it won't cost you anything to try", she spoke, getting back up toward the end of her speech. I got up as well and followed her to the door. "Now take your time to think and make your choice. And if you need it, you can call me anytime", she kindly offered.

"Thank you doctor", I smiled weakly before walking out of her office. 

Perhaps she was right. Perhaps telling Tom was the best thing to do. The problem was I didn't know how to. I wanted to tell him face to face, I tried to, but he didn't let me. He didn't have time for me. It was already hard enough like that so what was I supposed to do if he didn't even give me a chance to tell him ? 

Write him a letter ? 

Leave a note on his desk ? 

Put the pregnancy test in his mailbox ? 

Give him a phone call ?