Undercover Love

Chapter 53

Julia's POV

As I said, I needed to think . That's why I kept away from Tom the following days, which wasn't that hard considering the fact he didn't work at Jump Street anymore. Speaking of which, the chapel wasn't the same without him. Everyone missed him. Doug, Judy, Harry...and me of course. Though we all did miss him, I still think Tom's absence was harder for me to handle. I mean, unlike the three others, I never knew Jump Street without him, and I didn't seem to get used to it, no matter how hard I was trying to. And focusing on the work wasn't helping the slightest bit, I just couldn't get Tom off my mind. I wasn't even able to focus on anything else actually, I literally spent my days staring blankly at what used to be his desk, wondering what I was gonna do now. 

If I'm being completely honest, quitting was something I was beginning to seriously consider. I clearly enjoyed my job a lot less now anyway, yet it had only been a few days since Tom left so I could only imagine what it would be like in a few months. I couldn't bring myself to quit being a cop though, first of all because I was afraid I'd end up regretting it for the rest of my life, and also because a part of me was still convinced Tom turned in his badge so suddenly to manipulate me into doing the same quickly, and if I was right on that point, I sure as hell didn't want to give in to his manipulation. Not that easily. But on the other hand, I was blaming him when once again  he was probably only trying to protect me. Well, and also the baby I guess. A baby I still had to decide what would become. But first, there was a question that was torturing my soul and that I had to answer : what was the most important ? A damn job or the guy I loved ?

I was intently searching for that answer when someone vigorously shook me by the shoulder all of a sudden. I jumped in my seat and lifted my head up. Fuller was standing next to me.

"What the hell is wrong with you Julia ?  I called you a hundred times !", he asked, slightly annoyed. 

"Sorry captain", I mumbled, looking away.

"In my office", he ordered rather firmly.

Not wanting to make him more upset than he already was, I stood up without wasting a minute and headed to the captain's office. 

"I'll go straight to the point", Fuller started as he sat at his desk, leaning back in his chair.

I remained silent with my eyes on the floor and my fingers intertwined in front of me, waiting for him to conitnue.

"You haven't been yourself these past few days. You're constantly daydreaming and it seriously affects the quality of your work. The case you've been working on for weeks still hasn't been solved !", Fuller stated, his gaze heavy on me. 

"I'm sorry, it's just that I have a lot of things to deal with and-", I attempted to explain but he cut me off.

"I know Hanson's departure affected you, yet you can't let your personal emotions take over. You're a professional Julia, and I expect yu to act as one", he declared and I gave him a small head nod. "Combining love with work can be tricky sometimes, I understand it, but when you're on duty you gotta forget your personal issues. Have I made myself clear ?"

"Yes captain", I shyly answered.

"Good", Fuller said, giving me a reassuring look as his expression softened, "Now you can get back to work."

I did as I was told but right before I reached the door, he spoke again, causing me to stop walking and turn around to see him.

"Whatever your problem with Hanson is, work this out asap", he advised in a soft tone, sounding like he genuinely wanted tohelp.

"We will", I simply responded before walking through the door.

I felt somewhat embarrassed after the small talk with Fuller. I had always been a good cop and he had always been proud of me, so the last thing I wanted was to disappoint  him or for him to think I wasn't capable of putting my problems aside while on duty. I never meant for anyone to notice something was currently bothering me, but my behavior made it so obvious that most likely everyone did notice. Well, they would've had to be blind not to. 

Allowing myself to take one last glance at Tom's desk before forcing my eyes on my paperwork again, I realized something. One of the things I'd always feared the most in my life as long as I can remeber was change. Ever since I was a kid, change of any sort had always scared me because I needed my daily routine to feel safe. But seeing Tom's empty desk made me understand something had changed and my life would never be the same again. Whether I choose to keep working here or to quit, to keep the baby or get an abortion, things could never get back to what they were. None of the options I got would be without consequences, the only thing I could do now was figuring out which one would be the best for both me and Tom.