Things couldn't get any better for Julia Andrew, the newest addition to the Jump Street team. She enjoys going undercover in high schools and gets along very well with her new colleagues, especially Tom Hanson who quickly became her best friend.
But...
No matter how hard I tried to fall asleep that night, my efforts remained to no avail. I had gotten back home just like the nurse had instructed earlier when we were all still at the hospital.
I didn't want to leave. God knows how much I didn't. I wanted to stay until they let me see Julia. I would have waited the whole night, the whole week, even the whole month. As long as it would have taken. But for some unknown reason, they wouldn't let me. I was too tired to protest, knowing perfectly well there was no point in doing so anyway, as they obviously wouldn't change their mind. But believe me, having to let my babygirl all by herself in a cold hospital room literally tore my heart apart.
I was lying on my back, my eyes glued to the white ceiling above. My brain wouldn't allow me to rest, endlessly replaying today's nightmarish occurrences. I felt so guilty. I did everything wrong. I mean, I shouldn't have left Lia arrest that Rob in the first place. I should've known better, obviously that motherfucker wouldn't let her handcuff him without a fight. But I was stupid enough to take my eyes off of them anyway. Also why didn't I shoot him in the head as soon as I saw he had taken control over her ? If I had fired my gun immediately at him, he wouldn't have had enough time to react. Before he would have even been aware of it, he would have collapsed on the floor, dead. He wouldn't have had enough time to harm Lia. Thinking about it, it wouldn't have taken much for me to save her. Just like it wouldn't have taken much for me to save Amy.
I slowly started realizing it had happened again.
THE SAME
FUCKING
SCENARIO
ONCE AGAIN.
Both of them got shot because I DIDN'T FUCKING MOVE.
In a sudden outburst of anger, I grabbed the bedside lamp before violently throwing it against the wall, the bulb shattering into pieces. I sat up, holding my head in my hands, trying to calm down. Dreadful memories came flooding back.
I would have had 3.3 seconds to save Amy.
3.3 seconds.
There are so many things you can do in 3.3 seconds. You can ring a doorbell twenty two times for example. You can also recite the entire alphabet. You can even shoot someone in 3.3 seconds.
Just saying, 3.3 seconds is a pretty long time.
However, these 3.3 seconds slipped through my fingers. I could have done a thousand things, but I didn't move.
Just like today.
Rolling over in bed, I began wondering something. How many seconds exactly would I have had to save Julia ? More tthan 3.3 seconds ? That question that had just popped into my mind out of the blue soon haunted me. I couldn't control my own thoughts anymore. I felt I was slowly losing it. I sat up again, and checked the alarm clock which read 1:00 AM. Still not able to sleep, I figured I'd better go watch some TV. Hopefully it would help taking my attention away from all this. I stood up and went to the living room.
I turned on the TV before settling into the couch. Flipping through the channels, I strove to make myself as comfortable as possible, believing that succeeding in relaxing my muscles would already be a step in the good direction. I lay back, resting my head on the soft cushions.
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Eyes on the ceilling once more, I started thinking again. That time gap obsessed me. I needed to know. How long did it last ? Would I really have had enough time to do something ? Maybe the others were right, maybe I was blaming myself when in fact there was really nothing I could have done. There were certainly cameras in the fast food. The scene must have been recorded. Checking it out wouldn't hurt after all. If only I could take a look at the tape. I would watch it only once, just to make sure there was really nothing I could have done.
There had to be a way to get it somehow. I had managed to get the tape when Amy got killed, so why could I not get it this time too ? I had to get it. NOW.
I stood and rushed toward the door, leaving the apartment. Having forgotten it was currently the middle of the night , I ran outside the building. I soon found myself on the sidewalk in complete darkness. That's when I eventually recollected it was about 3, perhaps 4 in the morning.
Realization then hit me hard.
What was I doing ?
Where was I intending to go at that time ?
There was only one explanation I could actually make out which justified my behavior. I was becoming crazy. Just like after Amy's death.
There was absolutely no way I would allow myself to reproduce the attitude I had back then. I definitely wouldn't allow myself to turn insane again.
Lia wasn't Amy. And most of all, she was not dead.
Running a hand through my messy hair and inhaling deeply, I made my way back to my apartment. I had to pull myself together. I had to stay strong for Lia. She would need all the support she could get to recover. She would need us all, and she would most likely shortly need me more than ever. And I would be there for her.
I owed her that.
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Since I really wanna link this book with the serie I thought I would put some stuff from episode 02X16 in this chapter. I thought it could actually be great to have Tom go a little crazy just like in that episode. So I'm not sure if it was a good idea or not, but anyway I hope you liked it 😊
