Settling in Seattle

Chapter 22- Can We Talk?

"Hey, how are you?" Rachel spoke into her phone that was at her ear, everything in the house was unusually quiet.

"I'm good, busy, but good, how about you?" Her mother was on the other line, obviously wanting to be doing something else.

"I'm okay, Mike's first day back at work is today. It's quiet." Rachel sighed and lead her head back on the sofa.

"Oh, so that's why you're being so perturbed." Laura spoke softly to her daughter, remembering the day her husband went back to work after Rachel was born.

"Yes."

"And of course, you told him that you would be absolutely fine, and you didn't mind."

"You know I did. But now I'm sat here, Rosy is asleep, finally, I don't have Mike here to talk to and to cuddle. I miss him already, and I'm just so worried that something is going to happen to me. Mom, I've still got what happened with Warren in my head."

Laura let out a breath into the speaker, "Oh, Rachel, it's over, that horrible man, you won't see him again. Why is it still in your brain?"

"God, I don't know, it was just so humiliating. I always have everything in control. And now I have a daughter to look after, so when she was born I was distracted, it was pretty much straight after. Now I have reflection time, thinking about how much I love her, how much I love Mike, and how perfect everything is."

"No, that may be part of it but it's not it."

"Mom, yes, it is."

"Rachel, we both know that's not the underlying issue here, but you don't have to tell me love. At least tell me that you're going to talk this through with Mike and tell him."

"I'll try. Hey, how did you know that?"

"I'm your mother."

"Oh, right," Rachel smiled slightly, and there was a comfortable pause of speech, broken by the sound of a small cry. "Okay, mom, Rosalie just woke up, I think I'm going to have to change her, so we'll talk soon yeah?"

"Yes, I love you."

"I love you too mom," Rachel threw her phone to the side of her and lifted herself across the room to the Moses basket that was lying next to the fireplace. Inside, there was a wriggling baby, forcing out cries. She was generally a quiet baby, even her crying wasn't piercing. "Okay Rosy, let's get you changed and more comfortable!" Rachel lifted her out of her snuggly blanket and her limbs spread out, stretching.

Once changed, Rachel decided that she was going to cook the dinner then, so it was ready for when Mike got home. He was leaving at seven, two hours earlier than usual. Before this, she dragged the swing into the kitchen and placed it in the view of the cooker. She fed Rosalie, and strapped her into the swing, trying to work out how all the buttons worked, which one did what. It didn't take long, she got it swaying side to side, and silenced the weird beach sounds she had it playing.

She was making a stew that she'd found a recipe for online. It looked reasonably delicious, and Mike loved the similar one she'd made last week. It took hours, and Rosalie slept through most of it. When she was prepping the vegetables she started to fuss, so Rachel strapped her into the carrier Mike had used a couple of times and carried on, deciding all she wanted was to be close to her mother, some attention.

"Mike! God, I missed you." Rachel heard the front door slam shut and almost ran towards the entrance.

"Hey Rach, I missed you too, I'm sorry I didn't text you, I was super busy." Mike wrapped his arms around his wife, who was still wearing the baby in the carrier. They stayed there, embracing each other, Rachel tucked her head under his chin.

"You want me to take her for a bit?" Mike let go and looked into Rachel's eyes, then to the little head rested on her chest.

"Um, can you please put her in the basket, she's asleep, so try not to wake her." Mike unclipped her and pulled her into his arms comfortably, making his way into the living room, followed by Rachel.

Once she was calmly resting, swaddled in a cosy blanket, they collapsed onto each other on the sofa. At first, they were sat there, Mike curling Rachel's dark hair around his fingers softly, and Rachel silently resting between him and the sofa, her favourite spot.

"Mike, can we talk about something." Rachel sat up and spun to look at him, her eyes were full of truth.

"Of course, what is it love?" He placed his hand on her knee.

"I just, I..."

"You can tell me, Rachel you can tell me."

"I know I can, it's just hard for me to admit to myself."

"It's okay. Take your time."

"I've been having these nightmares, they vary, but of all the same type. They're making me get even less sleep than I should be when Rosalie is this age." Rachel reluctantly closed off.

"What are they about?"

"Well, they all have Warren in them. Ones that are the worst are the ones where he takes Rosalie, I had one last night when he took you away from me. They're horrible."

"God, Rachel, that's awful. It's because of what happened. Hey, look at me, that piece of shit will never even be in the same zip code as you, ever again," Mike held both his hands on the sides of her face, resting his thumb in the little cleft in her chin, "I made sure of it, and I promise, nothing will ever happen to Rosy, look she's over there, she's happy. And I'm not going anywhere either."

Tears streamed down her cheeks and Mike brushed them away.

"It still won't stop these nightmares." Rachel placed her hand over his.

"Rachel, maybe it won't, but you can't do anything about that. If there's one thing I know, it's that if I try my best tonight to get the image out of your head, and convince you that you'll never see him again, maybe it'll ease it."

"Mike, was it my fault?"

"No, Rachel, no. Nothing about what happened was your fault. It was he is a horrible person and he did something he shouldn't have. Rachel please believe me."

"I believe you, I just... I can't get it out of my head."

"Look, I don't know when it will go, but I know what you're going to do. You're going to help me serve up the wonderful dinner you prepared for us, and we are going to cuddle on here until you fall asleep, okay?"

"Okay."

"We can talk things through," Mike pulled her into his chest and rubbed her shoulder. "I love you so much Rachel. You're safe. We're safe."