The Nerd's Best Friend

•THIRTY TWO•

Word Count: 2003

***

I woke up to the traditional sound of my family bursting through my door, singing happy birthday with a beautiful cake brightly lit with candles.

I saw my dads bright face smiling at me, as I reached out to hug him, but as I was wrapping my arms around him, he disappeared. I was quickly falling down down down. Down a dark hole that seemed to never end.

Then I really woke up.

The sun barely peeking behind my curtains, as the sound of life came from downstairs. I hastily wiped the tears from my face, climbing from my bed. My muscles ache and everything seemed to hurt.

It would be my first birthday without my dad. Every year, we would face time him or he would come bursting through my door at sunrise, a bright smile on his face.

This year, he is smiling at me from heaven. I know it'll be okay, and that he's happier now, but it still REALLY hurts. I don't think there is any way to truly get rid of the hole in your heart, especially on days like these.

I walked down the stairs, being greeted by my mom and Gavin. My mom had dark bags under her eyes, and her hair was a disheveled mess. I could tell that the recent month had taken a toll on her.

"Happy birthday sweetie." She said, a small grin appearing. I nodded, taking a seat. She frowned at me, placing her cup down and staring at me. "Want to talk?" She asked and I quickly shook my head.

"There's nothing to talk about." I stated, anger hinting at my tone as I scraped my chair back and walked back to my room. I climbed back in bed, curling into a ball.

Nothing felt real anymore.

At about noon, Marcus decided to arrive. He opened the door to my room where I was sitting on the floor against my bed staring out the window.

You would find me in this exact position a lot recently.

Sitting here, tear stained face, staring aimlessly out the window, dreaming, imagining... wishing.

"Hey birthday girl." He whispers has he slides down to sit next to me as he kisses my head. A ghost of a smile quickly crosses my face as I lean into him. He wraps his arms round me, hugging me close. I close my eyes, loving his comfort. I turn to face him, searching his eyes.

"It still hurts. A lot." I mumble, hugging him tightly as I rest my head on his chest. He sighs, stroking my hair. I cry into his shirt, not knowing what else to do. I would try to get up and out. To try and distract myself, but I can't. No matter what I do, reminds me of him and that he's not here. And it hurts. So much.

"I know." He whispers, holding me close to him. He lifts my face to look into my eyes, before placing his forehead against mine. "I love you." He says before placing a soft, sensual kiss to my lips. Once we pull away, I lay my head on his shoulder, smiling.

"I love you too." I say. We sit there, just us, happy. This is all I need right now. My boyfriend who loves me with everything.

"What do you want to do today beautiful?" He asks me, playing with my fingers as we sit on my bed watching The Office. I grin, looking down at our hands.

"Go to my dads grave." I whisper. He freezes, squeezing my hand. He leans down to my ear, kissing my cheek.

"You sure?" He whispers in my ear. I nod, leaning into his warmth.

"Yeah. Maybe it'll give me closure or something." I mumble, looking up at him to see him watching me intently.

"Okay my love. Well leave in thirty minutes." He says, beginning to play with my hair.