Meredith's Thoughts Volume 3

txt when?

I don't know what to do.
Does he even miss me?
He changed his profile photo, it's a picture of him playing guitar. He wouldn't ever play it for me. He changed his bio song quote too. I didn't know he liked Pink Floyd that much.
I miss him still, like come on guys, you know he made me really happy. Not to be overdramatic but; I could honestly see myself forever with him. I can't, I can't see myself with anyone else. I don't wanna see myself with anyone else. Every time I think about that I get sad and start panicking for some reason.
Yeah I know, all of my friends and family say screw him. "Fuck him, Meredith he's homophobic". Ok yeah I know I don't necessarily agree with his views on that stuff but like, man I love him so much I don't really care. He's not discriminating, he keeps his opinion mostly to himself, like I don't care. There's so much more good to him than bad, so so so much more.
So I don't know what to do.
I want to text him, I want to talk to him.
But I don't wanna be his friend, I don't wanna be his nothing, I wanna be his girlfriend.
I don't want him to be my past, I don't want him to just stay as another chapter in puddle deep, I want him to be my boyfriend.
But I don't know if he wants that and I don't think he does and every time I think about how he just doesn't want to be my boyfriend anymore I just get ripped apart because he's never been nothing to me.
Do I text him now?
Or wait for 11/11/18?
I feel like I'm supposed to wait.
So there's actual an effect, a difference, ya know.
But I feel like if I don't wait long enough he wont have missed me.
But if I wait to long he might move on. Then he's really gone.
I don't know what to do.
I just wanna hug him again but that's one of the biggest things I'm not allowed to do.
Does he even miss me?