Meredith's Thoughts Volume 3

sacred new beginnings

.
long
were
the
nights
when
my
days
once
revolved
around
you
.

There comes a point in your life when you realize what you need to do. A point where you recognize your strength and even if only for a split second, say hey, I do have worth. Life doesn't have one happily ever after, the future on this earth will not be perfect. It will have ups and downs, ups and ups and crashes and bursts of joy, monotone energy, stable balance, habit, and everything more. I write this ending to this book of mine, not in an attempt to have closure. The door doesn't close when you just feel you're ready, you have to get up and close it. Self-induced closure does not come with instant peace, you will not know the exact day something leaves your mind. You notice when something strong reminds you of a long term memory that you only kept to improve yourself. That self-induced closure comes with work, dedication, and a healthy amount of joyful pride. I have decided amongst my soul's jury, to not speak of him, talk to him, keep up with him. Not in resentment of what happened or of reality, but in self respect in that I am built of more than what he demolished. He was never my foundation, my foundation was and is and will always be my faith my family and sister my brothers my best friends my music my writing my humor my history my ambition my laughs– not how one person chose to treat me. I told myself every time i doubted recovery, that I have always brought myself up from the trenches. Sometimes I didn't believe myself, because self you had never done anything like this before. There's a first time for everything and I know now that what I said was true, I indeed do bring myself up back from the dead. They say you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. I don't agree with that statement for many reasons. Though, i will say this; you need to take the time to know yourself, before you offer yourself up. Fear of man keeps me from doing my absolute best. I will no longer let the fear of man control my speech, or my self faith. It has all been one wild ride, and I can't wait for it to go on. Now I say;
.
long
were
the
nights
when
my
days
didn't
revolve
around
me
.

I'll see you in Volume lV everyone,
the story always continues.