Freaks and Geeks - Season Too!!!! (SATIRE!)

S02E01 - Cut Day (Part 4)

Daniel looked over at his brunette friend, Lindsay Weir, as they sat in their English class. For a brief moment, he fantasized about her- about how she would look in a hair net, dressed in frumpy clothing, wearing a lobster bib, clogs and swimming goggles over her eyes. That, he realized, was his dream woman... but Lindsay could never live up to that fantasy. No woman could. No woman aside from Gladys Ormphby, perhaps. Stirring from his daydream, Daniel scribbled something on a note and handed it to the person next to him, telling them to hand it to the next student after they had read it and asking them to do the same.

Sensing something was going on behind her back, Mrs. Braxton stopped dragging her fingernails across the chalk board and turned to face the class. One student, Ernie Hahuth, was missing from his seat next to Daniel. The teacher scanned the rest of the class, but found no other abnormalities, so she went back to scratching at the chalkboard. A minute later, the nagging feeling returned and she stopped to look at her class again, noticing that three more students had vanished and Daniel was simply staring at her with a big, goofy grin on his face. Annoyed, she decided to see if she could catch students in the act of leaving. She turned her back to the class again, but only for a moment before she spun back around with an 'ah-ha' look on her face. Much to her astonishment, the class was completely empty... with the exception of Daniel, continuing to grin. Furious, Mrs. Braxton stormed from her classroom, fully intent on vising the principal's office, but the next thing she knew she was at the beach with over half the school, dressed in a wetsuit and building an enormous sandcastle. A beautiful, majestic seagull landed on one of the towers, somehow not disturbing the sand beneath its feet at all, and Mrs. Braxton clasped her hands together in adoration, cooing as she looked at the bird.

"Well aren't you just the most gorge-"

The bird swiveled its head to her with a glare on its face. "Lady, I'm just here to pop a squat." The seagull proceeded to piss all over the tower, causing it to collapse before it flew away.

Flabbergasted, the teacher sat in the same spot for some time, completely unsure of how to react. A misfired volleyball suddenly pinged off her head going at 50 M.P.H. and knocked her out, causing her to collapse forward into her sandcastle and become buried under the sand.

Sitting in reclining lounge chairs less than twenty feet away, a bikini-clad Lindsay and Kim watched the entire thing play out in silence. After, they continued to apply suntan lotion and watch everyone else run around and have fun.

"Didn't that whole scene feel completely pointless?" Kim asked, adjusting her sunglasses and making sure her floppy sun hat was properly covering most of her face.

Lindsay shrugged, squirting the rest of her suntan lotion all over her face and not bothering to rub it in at all. "This whole episode has felt pointless, really. I mean, I've hardly been in it at all!"

Before she could reply, Kim watched one of the muscular, sweaty, hunky, black football players run by in nothing but a tight-fitting sports brief, his enormous package bouncing provocatively as he did so.

"Maybe," Kim finally said with a smirk as she lowered her sunglasses to get an unfiltered look at the football player's backside, which was exposed thanks to the sports brief being bottomless, "but I think I just saw a point that I wanna raise; one that I really need to be on top of."

"That sounds really great, Kim," Lindsay said, her eyes closed as she rested back in her seat. "What's it about? Politics? The futility of religion? Why there's always a little bit of toothpaste in the tube no matter what?" Lindsay had obviously missed sight of the point Kim was intent on riding or the fact that the blonde was already long gone in her quest to procure her new play toy.

"Actually, I've got a pretty wild theory behind the true meaning of Logan's Run, if you're game," the majestic seagull proposed, sitting in the empty chair and applying suntan lotion to its wings.