Freaks and Geeks - Season Too!!!! (SATIRE!)

S02E03 - America, What a Town (Part 8)

"She just vanished from the mall, McBane. Like, poof! Gone faster than a fart in the wind!" Judy explained to her cohort as they tried to mentally prepare for yet another day back in high school. She then proceeded to let a long, loud fart rip and looked mildly embarrassed at McBane's shock. "Sorry; thought it would be windy when I did that."

"Well, where'd she disappear to?" McBane finally asked, hoping the rancid scent of Judy's flatulence had dissipated somewhat.

She shrugged immediately before responding. "Not sure where, but kinda know with who. Some douche in a biker jacket caught her attention and basically stalked us though the mall. He finally hit on her with some weak ass line that she just ate up. 'so, you wanna hang out or what?' he asked and she was just all like, 'yeah, or what sounds very good'. Little harlot. Little foreign harlot. How the hell am I supposed to keep an eye on her if she pulls a stunt like that?"

"Do the best ya can, kid, that's all. I mean, you could always- oh, shit!" McBane slightly panicked as he noticed Daniel and Sean walking up to him.There was no way he could be caught making cop talk with them around. "Umm, gimme some space to breathe, babe." He pushed Judy away and nodded to the boys. "'Sup, fellas?"

Daniel was all smiles, as usual, and so was Sean for once, though he was checking out Judy.

"This your girl?" he asked and McBane simply nodded with a matter-of-fact look on his face.

"One of them; you know what I mean, fellas?" He winked, weakly and oddly.

"Damn; not bad McBane. She's pretty hot.," Daniel agreed, checking her out as well. "In case you're wondering, toots, I'm always down with the swirl."

"My, uh, special friend will be around during class this afternoon, with the rust-free door." McBane interjected, trying to shoo Judy away from the area discreetly.

A stupidly happy look overcame Sean and he nodded his head in a relaxed motion. "Righteous!"

Judy cleared her throat loudly, looking at her partner in virtue. "Detective, we still need to-"

"Babe, not now." he said, looking at her in a way that seemed to say, 'I mean it' and 'I'm sorry' at the same time, as well as, 'I could really go for a loaded hot dog with extra relish right now. You?'

Judy scoffed and rolled her eyes, walking off towards the school and glancing around in hopes of finding a hot dog vendor nearby. No luck.

With her hand a mere inch from the entrance door handle, Judy froze when a somewhat annoyingly familiar voice called her name. Or rather, the only name most of the kids at the school bothered to even snarl out at her.

"Hey, new girl! Where's Madia?"

Judy turned toward the voice, recognizing the boy it belonged to as the rude little pecker who seemed to have a fetish for fondling backpacks. There were two others with him, but Judy didn't recognize them at all. Fellow backpack gropers, she assumed.

"I-I-I don't know. She left the mall last night and I never saw h-" The undercover police officer tried to answer as a look of frustration spread over her face.

Sam interrupted her with a loud sigh. "She must have been, like, at the library all night because she was nowhere when I got up this morning."

The low rumble of a motorcycle engine could be heard growing behind him, but Sam ignored it as Judy joined Neal and Bill in watching Madia roll in on the hog, hugging the midsection of the mall creep tightly.

"Maybe she isn't such a dweeb after all..." Judy said with a little respect towards the girl, watching her dismount the motorcycle as Sam still stood oblivious to what was going on behind him.

"Are you kidding me?" Sam said in ridicule, rolling his eyes. "Drag city."

Neal and Bill couldn't help but look at him in a stunned awe, both mouths agape and half-chewed Grape-Nuts cereal bits falling out, before aligning their eyes back to Madia. Finally, Sam got the hint and turned around to look at what his friends were fixated on. What he saw was the buxom foreign student who was staying at his house (but still yet to set foot in it), dressed in high heels, fishnet pantyhose leading up her long, slender legs and disappearing under a short black skirt, a button-up blue shirt, with the top couple of buttons undone, under a cropped leather jacket. A teased, whale-spout ponytail sat atop her head and a length of chain wrapped around her right hand, the end dragging on the ground leaving a trail of blood. It was quite obvious that she had just participated in a violent, illegal motorcycle street race; Road Rash II style.

"M...Madia?" was all Sam could muster before his mouth fell agape, too, and the previously empty space miraculously filled with half-chewed Grape-Nuts cereal bits that began to spill out.