Chasing Pavements

Stefanie Foster

STEF POV

Missouri winters could be fucking brutal and the winter that was coming would probably be no exception. It never really was and even as a kid I could remember feeling as if my face would freeze off when I walked with my mother from one end of town to another. That was mostly when our car broke down or she ran out of bus fare, which was pretty often.

I remember her covering my face with a scarf that made it hard to breath  and I complained like crazy but looking back  appreciate it no matter how much I complained and gave her a hard time. Being a mother myself now I understand her efforts and I was hoping by the time the temperatures really dropped that my lazy landlord would get the boiler working again and the hot water heater. Last thing I wanted to do was give my kids cold baths and showers again like last winter and have to boil the water. It was hard enough getting my six year old daughter, Frankie, to take a bath. She was terrified of it from the time she was a baby and would to this day scream her head off

My son Jude who is eleven never gives much of a problem about anything, aside from money or my relationships, is probably the most responsible kid I ever met. No, I didn't always have it all together and I could be all over the place but he was pretty OCD and organized. At times I would see him balancing my checkbook, reorganizing the apartment among other things. Sometimes he even begged to dye my hair or paint my nails. Sure I wondered about him sometimes but regardless he was a sweetheart from birth often coming up with creative ideas for dinner when I had about two dollars to my name.

My oldest son Brandon is  another story altogether one I wish I could rewrite if given the chance. At only 18 he is well on his way to prison if he doesn't get his fucking shit together and right now I wasn't sure if he ever would considering his father never did. Well, once in awhile he would but most of the time I was a single mother to all three of my children.

Opening my eyes at barely 6 in the morning I could feel Frankie pressed against me and holding onto my arm for dear life which was nothing new. Originally this had been her room but I could never get her to sleep in it no matter how damm nicely I had decorated it. Even splurging for a princess bed with matching curtains she never slept in it and always ended up on the couch with me one way or another. So I gave up and made it into my room. Jude had his own room as well but occasionally I'd find him in here too just like this morning as I turned my head to see him passed out on his stomach.

Letting out a smile I carefully crawled out of bed, kissed both my sweethearts on the foreheads and covered them up a bit more. I'd give them another thirty minutes to sleep before I had to wake them for school and it would give me time to kick my oldest son out before he started anymore fucking drama. Having him banging on my damm door at nearly 2 in the morning begging for a place to sleep for the night and food was enough to make me insane. Sometimes I could kick myself for how I caved into him at times but I had no energy to fight last night. None for I lost count of how many times I kicked him out, how many times I bailed him out of jail, how many times he had stolen from me and mouthed off to me in the most disrespectful way ever. At one point the kid had been my joy but somewhere along the line his dumb ass fell into the wrong crowd and he never came back. Ever. If it wasn't for his little one year old daughter that he barely took care of I would never speak to him ever and I lost count of how many times his girlfriend Callie had shown up at my door begging for  money. The girl was barely 17 and I had warned both of them to use fucking condums, even giving them a shit load myself.

Shaking my head I spotted my son on the couch and nudged his arm. IT was true whenever he stayed over I kept my money on me. Always.

"Brandon. Brandon get up." I nudged again as she turned to face the wall. "Brandon get up!"

"Huh. Ma go away."

"No. Get up, get dressed and go to work. YOu can't stay here I told you that last night. Now get up." Ripping the covers off of him he sprung up annoyed as I stood staring at him with my arms cross.

"Mom can you give me 10 more minutes."

"No. I can't give you 10 more minutes. Get up and get out. Go to work and take care of your responsibilities. Your daughter is not going to take care of herself."

"Ughh." Shaking my head I walked into the kitchen to get Jude and Frankie's breakfast started along with some coffee for myself. "Mom can I borrow 10 bucks. I'll pay you back." Brandon said walking over looking helpless.

"No. I don't have 10 dollars for you. And you never paid me back the 20 you borrowed last week and the 5 you borrowed the week before." Shaking my head it was too damm early for his lying bullshit. Much to early.

"My check was late. I'm getting paid today. I just need to get Marie some formula and diapers. I'm good for it mama."

"No B. Maybe if you didn't waste all your money on beer and shit you would have it. No."

"Please mama. She's on her last two Callie said."

"Yeah? Then you should have gone home last night and taken care of it. I'm not a fucking ATM, or a Target. You're her father, you're a man own up to it. You're the one who decided to spray inside Callie and not be responsible so now you pay the price. Suck it up."

"Morning!" I heard Frankie say happily as she ran over to me hugging my waist.

"Morning babygirl. Go sit and I'll get your breakfast."

"Ok. Hi B."

"Hey Frank. Mom only five bucks. Please." He whispered to me begging as I poured Frankie a bowl of cereal with orange juice.

"I said no. I won't tell you again. Get dressed get your shit and get out."

"Oh so you're gonna let your granddaughter starve and sit in dirty diapers. Huh? Is that it?"

Ignoring him I poured my coffee and shook my head once again. This was typical him. Trying to lay some type of guilt trip on me as usual and it seriously made me want to ring his fucking neck as I sat down beside my daughter.

"Ma are you gonna say something?"

"No B I'm not. I told you no."

"Fine!" He yelled slamming his hands on the kitchen table as I instantly got up grabbing him by his shirt.

"Hey! Not in this house I told you that more then once! Now you get your shit and you get the fuck out and be a man!"

"Fine! You always have to be such a bitch ma!"

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Brandon is a charmer in this LOL. Any guess what Stef did after that comment.

I'll be trying a few different things in this story and mixing up the characters a bit. Enjoy!