Chasing Pavements

Telling Him

STEF POV

"What's wrong babe? Food not good? Usually you inhale Louis hogies." Mike says as we are sitting in his patrol car eating lunch. It had been two weeks since I found out I was two months pregnant with his baby and I had planned on telling him today even if the smell of his food was making me sick as hell. Everything had been making me sick except for the homemade soup Lena had been making me almost daily.

"Um, yeah just not hungry I guess."

"No? Got a stomach bug from the kids? Shits going around." HE says shoving his hogie in his mouth as the smell gets to me even more.

"Yeah I guess. So you working nights again?"

"For a bit. I can come over after my shift in the mornings. After your kids head to school? Been awhile babe." He smiles as I turn to look at him.  Clearing my throat I open the can of ginger ale feeling my stomach turn even more and taking a small sip.

"What is it Stef? You still pissed at me? I told you it's all gonna work out. Didn't I babe? After my wife has the baby I'll move in with you."

"Yeah, how do you see it working out Mike. MM? How? You're gonna leave her with a newborn and your other kids alone to be with me?" I ask as he finishes up his sandwitch and stuffs the paper in a mini garbage bag. I hated the fact that I had fallen for this idiot, I really did and I hated the fact that I had believed that he wanted to be with me. I should really have known better ad I could kick myself for being so fucking stupid, and for getting pregnant. "I don't see that happening Mike and I think you're just fucking with me. You fuck me and then you go home and fuck her."

All he can do is laugh as I shake my head in anger. "I haven't slept with her in months Stef. And I don't fuck you. "

"No? Then what is it you do? Make love to me? Because you love me?"

"Yeah. I do love you. Why is that so hard for you understand?"

"Oh Mike, come on.  You don't love me. You just love to sleep with me." I say as I feel him grab my hand and I pull it away.

"Look, I should not have made her pregnant. You're right. I should have moved in with you months ago. Taken care of you, your kids, your granddaughter. I should have done that. Moved you outta this neighborhood. Get your kids in a better school.  Find you a job you like, cooked for you and cleaned. I should have done all that. But what could I do Stef. She had a breakdown about the pregnant and a few issues related to it. So I'll stick around until after she has him and then move in."

"Yeah I don't know if your gonna wanna do that Mike." 

"Why? You don't want me to move in anymore? You don't miss me in your bed babe? I miss you." He says  moving closer to me as I feel him kiss my neck. The smell of the food mixed with the stench of coffee and cigarettes has my stomach turning like nothing else.  God it's fucking awful as I move away and he looks rejected.  "Babe come on. Look I got us lunch, came and got you so we could talk.  I still have a half hour left don't ruin it with fighting. Why are you busting my balls Stef."

"Because, I need to talk to you. Ok? I do and the last thing on my mind is sex."

"Alright, what do you wanna talk about. Look, I get your pissed about the baby and stuff. I get it. But I wanna be with you. You know I do. I wanna take care of you and...

"I'm pregnant Mike."I blurt out unable to look at him.

"What?" 

"I'm pregnant." I say again now looking right at him as he turns white as a ghost. "And before you say anything I've only been with you.  I don't fuck around. I'm two months along."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm pretty positive. I went to a clinic to make sure."

"When?" He asks. "When did you go to a clinic?"

"Two weeks ago."

"You've known for two weeks. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me when you suspected it?"

"Because I wasn't sure. Ok? But when I missed my period twice and I was getting sick every morning I had some idea and I didn't know how to tell you."

With nothing but silence growing in the car I take another sip of ginger all as I turn to look at him again. He isn't saying a word  and I have no idea what he is thinking. None at all.

"I'll drop you home then I gotta head back."

"I thought you had a half hour left." I say annoyed as he clears his throat.

"What do you want me to say Stef. That I'm happy. That I'm excited. I'm not. Alright I'm no."

"What, you think I'm fucking happy about this?"

"Why it's convenient isn't' it? You want me to leave my wife faster? Now you're pregnant? I gotta choose?" He spouts out and I'm so furious I could smack the fucking shit out of him. "I thought you were on the pill?!"

"Are you fucking kidding me? You think I did this on fucking purpose! That's what you think? You're the one who was supposed to pull out in time! That was you! And I told you I wasn't taking those birth controls because they made me sick! So you knew!" I scream in his face as he shakes his head in aggravation.

"We been fucking like that for year! Now all of sudden you get 
pregnant! Hey you say it's mine but how do I know that. I know you flirt over there at your waitress job. I don't know who you been with."

"Oh fuck you! Says the one cheating on his wife! Just fuck you!"

"No fuck you Stef! That's not my kid! So you better go find out whoes it is!"

"It's yours ASSHOLE!!! YOURS!!! You know what! I'll walk! Just fuck you!"

"Then walk!! Go ahead!!!" HE yells back as I storm out the police cruiser as it is now snowing and I'm so tired, and so sick that I can scream. But being the asshole he is he drives off leaving me stranded with no way to get back home but walk. Fuck him!