Chasing Pavements

Porch Talk

LENA POV

"I'll talk to him. I just need to think on what to say to him." Stef says as we talk quietly on the front porch after all the kids had gone to bed. I knew she was really embarrassed by my blow up with Jude and she had no reason to ever be. She really didn't and I had seen it took time to calm Frankie down who had been very upset about their fight.  She was a sensitive little girl which I understood for Mariana was the same and had cried many times when I fought with her father. That relationship in my mind was over and I wanted no part of Sanchez any longer.

"I know it's not an easy conversation to have. But I guess honesty is the best? I mean what do you think?" I ask as she continues to avoid my eyes starring out onto the dark street. Taking her long blonde hair down it is still very hard for me not to stare too hard as she places the ponytail holder on her wrist. Visually, I could tell she most likely had a headache by how she was rubbing her temples and I had to hold myself back from massaging them for her.

"Well, since he already knows, yeah. I never could get anything past him. He just see's everything and when I'm not honest he knows and gets upset. And then I yell at him because he get so damm fresh that I just want to smack the fucking shit out of him and it blows up. I hate that about us. Ya know? Jude is my baby and I love him more then life. God do I ever."

"I  know you do and I don't think he means to speak to you that way. And there's no excuse Stef for the way he spoke to you. Even if he's upset. I've talked to him about that. But he's a good kid and just really loves you and wants to protect you." I say as she continues to avoid my eyes something she did when she felt awkward I've come to know about her over the past few weeks.

"I know. I know he does. And I vowed to myself I'd never hit my children. The way my mother smacked me and my sister around was, well, I vowed never to do the same no matter how fresh they are. I already went back on that a few times and I feel shitty about it. Believe me and with all this I'd do anything for a fucking smoke and a drink. Make that two drink and an entire pack of Newports." Awkwardly she laughs turning to look at me as I smile back at her. Her eyes are piercing and her smile warm. It was hard to believe that only a few month ago we hated each other and I thought she was the biggest bitch there was and wanted nothing more to kick her ass. But Stef was anything but that, infact she was sensitive and sweet but gave off the physical impression of being tough.

"I understand that all to well. It's a tough habit to kick and I got started when I was 12." 

"Yeah? You beat me. I got started at 14 when I stole my Moms. Who got you started trouble maker?" Shes tease as I laugh.

"Well if you must know beautiful my bad, bad, boyfriend. He was older then me of course. 14 when I was 12. And let me tell you he was into all kinds of shit and you know I just wanted to hang out and be cool with him." I roll my eyes in annoyance at my younger self as she seems intrigued.

"You like bad boys huh Lena Adams?"

"Use too. Until I realized it only gets you so far in life. Ya know?"

"Yeah. I know. My mother liked bad boys too. When my father died she ran with the shit of the shit. I mean occasionally she picked one that wasn't so bad. But, most of them were shit. Did you know your father? I mean was he around?" 

Wrapping my sweater around myself a bit more her stare continues to be rather intense and if I'm honest I love these talks with her. I could have them all night if time allotted that for the more we had the more I learned about her.

"Yeah he was. He worked for GM."

"Oh yeah? That's cool. Did he build them, the cars?" 

"He did.  At the time I didn't realize what a cool job it was. We just had to move so damm much."