Chasing Pavements

Grilled Cheese

LENA POV 

I had tried hard to hide my anger about what I saw at the grocery store for I had seen Mike with his family and I had seen the look on Stef's face. It was truly heartbreaking and it was difficult to hold myself back from punching him in the nuts. Why I was so defensive of her I wasn't sure but I knew she deserved better. We all knew it but it still wasn't maybe my place to tell her. Or was it because I could be rather bold if I wanted to especially when I saw shit like this.

But the look on her face was one of distraught and one I recognized from myself. I knew she wanted to cry right there in the store and burst into tears which was why I went up to her asking if she wanted to come over for dinner with her kids. It was the quickest thing I could think of at the time and I was only hoping I wasn't too obvious. 

The thing I noticed the past few weeks was that  Stef was private despite what I originally thought and she was embarrassed by her life. She was embarrassed by her son Brandon, her poor choices and a few other things. Hell I knew all about that but it didn't mean she was a bad person. Because she wasn't by any means.  Infact she was far from it and it was safe to say I was very attracted to her. More then I ever wanted to realize. But I was and the more I was around her, well the harder it was to not feel that.  Her smile was killer that's for sure and her intense eyes were another thing that caused me to stare far too long. Stef was straight though and I'd have to keep my feelings at bay, plus I knew how damm vulnerable she was and I wasn't that person. At all. Besides I didn't have many friends and the ones I did have didn't live even remotely close. Or they were locked up.

Gathering everything I needed for dinner the kids were also really excited to go over. Jesus had been dying to play with Jude despite the age difference and Mariana couldn't wait to see Frankie again. I was glad they got along and Stef was as well as I knocked on her door.

"Mama!! What movie are we gonna watch!! Does Jude have video games!" Jesus says jumping up and down as I gently try to calm him seeing Stef come to the door now.

"Hey! Right on time!" She says smiling as once again I can't help but stare ."And yes Jude has a few games if you want to play love. That's if your Mama says it's ok." Looking up at me rather hopeful I laugh at my son looking back to Stef who was ruffling his hair.

"It's fine with me."

"Yeah!!"

"Come inside loves. And let me help you Lena." 

"Oh no I got it. Just point me in the direction of your kitchen." I say as she lets us all in and the kids instantly start playing. It was the first time I'd ever step foot in her apartment and like mine it was small, rather older and in need some repairs. But it was her home and like mine she tried to make it as cozy as possible even with all the toys all over which I didn't mind.

"Lena hi! I'm so excited you are here!" Jude says as he helps me with my things along with Stef and taking them into the kitchen.

"Of course I'm here baby. I promised you all dinner and that's what I'm gonna do!"

"It's super nice of you Lena! And I can do your nails after?"

"Of course honey."

"Jude can I see your games!! Please!" Jesus says running up to the boy for I knew how excited he was. 

"Sure come on. Ma, I put Marie down for a nap."

"Yeah thanks babe." She says as I watch Jude take Jesus hand into the living room. 

"Lena this is real nice of you. You sure you have enough food for everyone. Please use some of mine." She insists once again as I prepare the butter for the pan and spread it over the breads. While my tomato soup was simmering I felt her walk up next to me and lean her back against the counter. "Let me do something." She insist as I look at her piercing hazel eyes.

"You can. Stir the tomato soup."

"Oh wow." Rolling her eyes playfully I can't help but laugh as she does the same.

"Meaning I offered to make dinner for all of us. So you don't need to do anything. I enjoy it. So don't fucking be annoying."

"Whoa listen to you." She teases and lights a smoke. "Fine, fine but want a beer? I mean let me offer you something."

"Sure." I say placing the first few sandwiches in the pan as she pops open the beer for me putting it on the counter. Looking back at her she seems deep in thought and I'm wondering if I should pry or not.

"You ok?" I ask quietly as she looks back up at me.

"Yeah. Just this is nice of you Lena. Real kind. Hope you will let me pay you back."

"No. Not necessary."

"Man you are stubborn huh Lena Adams." She teases as I laugh flipping the sandwiches.

"I have been known to be. But you looked like you could use a break and I kinda wanted the company. Unless I'm wrong."

"Nah, you're not wrong Lena. The company is nice tonight and I appreciate it. Really. It's been a um interesting day." She laughs taking a sip of her beer as my eyes look to her once again.

"Everything ok?" I press a bit seeing her grow a tad uncomfortable as her eyes causally glance back at me.

"Just, well  a long day. That's all."

"MM. You know Stef I'm a very private person myself with not many friends. Well mainly my mother honestly but I am a good listener."

"Ahh Lena no one wants to hear this shit. Believe me. I barely want to think it." She jokes as I can't help but grab her hand looking at her rather intensely. 

"Try me babe." I wink and blurt out as she looks at me blushing. "But no pressure. And I'm no angel. Incase you didn't know so don't be embarrassed if that's what you're worried about." Smiling at me she leans back again puffing her smoke.

"I got involved with someone I should not have." She whispers. "I mean you probably already know."

"I've seen him, but I'm not judging you Stef. No one is perfect in life."  I say flipping the sandwiches. "We all make mistakes love."

"Ah you think I had fucking learned by now. I should have know he wasn't leaving his wife." Shaking her head she takes another sip of beer as I put the spatula down staring at her. She really was hard on herself and she really needed to cut herself some slack. Not that sleeping with a married man who promised to leave his wife for her was good but shit, we all made mistakes. "Fucking stupid."

"Stef, don't be so hard on yourself. He probably fed you some bullshit that many woman would believe. Hell Sanchez did too and it took me years to realize he wasn't changing. It's alright."

"You seem tough to me Len. Like you wouldn't take that shit."

"Believe me baby when it came to him he had me fooled." I rolled my eyes as she continued to look at me rather intensely partly smiling. But I could see she was loosening up which was a good thing.

"So even the strongest of people can be fooled." She compliments as a grin forms on my face.

"You're strong too. And I hope you see that one day. Sometimes loves blinds us." 

"Yeah, you're right about that one." She says as this tough woman that is soo dam hard for me to read smiles once again as she helps me stir the tomato soup and I make the rest of the grilled cheese.

 Stef was still mysterious to me as we gathered the kids together at her little table enjoying the meal as I was hoping it helped with her sadness in terms of Mike. But I knew better and I also knew she would probably go back with him. Unfortunately.