Chasing Pavements

A Closed Book

STEF POV

"Two months along." The clinic doctor says looking over my chart and blood work. I had figured I was two months along anyway based on how I had been feeling the last few weeks and missing my period twice. That along with the three pregnancy tests I took to make sure and realizing I was most likely in some type of denial.

"Yeah, I um figured I was." 

Handing me a pamphlet I shove it in my bag just wanting to get the hell out of there considering I needed to get home for Marie, who Callie was dropping off for a few days. Fuck, I had no time for this with two kids at home plus my granddaughter. Was I insane?

"We can schedule your first visit. Do you have an OB? If not we can help you...

"No I don't. I'm fine. Um, I just needed to double check if I was or not. Pregnant."

Looking at me in a rather concerned manner he looks over my file as I feel my anxiety creep up. "That's fine Miss Foster. But you should probably see someone. Just to make sure the baby is ok, and run more test. Get on prenatal. I can see from your blood work you are very low on iron. You probably...

"Look I appreciate it but I gotta head to work. I will take care of this. Thanks." Cutting him off I nearly run out of there holding my breath. This really wasn't what I wanted at all and even if Lena said she was there for me I didn't know how to talk to her about this. I didn't want this child, I didn't plan on telling Mike, and I could barely take care of the ones I had. How would I afford or handle an infant when I was already messing up. How? I just couldn't as I thought more and more of ending this pregnancy as the window was closing quickly.

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LENA POV

Stef, I was learning could really be a mystery. Even if I did see her now, and we resumed eating dinner together a few nights with the kids she had been a closed book. I had not pressured her to tell me anything and when it was just the two of us she didn't say much only wanting to know how I was and how I was feeling. It was hard to say if she still felt unsure about me, if it was the pregnancy and not knowing what she wanted to do or all of it coupled together. But I knew by now that she was a very sensitive person, regardless of her tough exterior and that she was extremely hard on herself.

Putting the pot roast into the oven I was grateful to be off today but had a tone of school work to do which was piling up. With the babies in school it gave me a few hours to focus on it and study for a few tests I had coming up.

"God you could at least open the door Stef! I need to get to work!" I suddenly hear screaming as I take my oven mitts off and open my front door. I see Callie banging on  Stef's door and looking rather frazzled as she holds Marie who is sliding down her side. "Stef!! Freaking open the door!"

"Um, I don't think she's back yet." I say steeping outside as she looks me up and down a cigarette danging from her mouth. She was rather rough looking and much too skinny.

"Yeah? Well where the fuck is she? She's supposed to watch Marie so I can go to work and I'm late already! She's so unreliable like her dead beat ass son!" She says with a rather nasty attitude as her daughter starts to scream.  I knew Marie by now and had actually put her to sleep a few times for she was a sweet little girl.  God dammit hush Marie!"

"Um, she should be here soon I can take her until she comes. I don't mind."

"Who the fuck are you? You think I leave my kid with some stranger?"

"No. I'm a friend of Stef's. For awhile and sometimes I watch her kids." I say as Marie screams louder causing Callie to roll her eyes.

"Fuck. Fine. Here's her stuff and tell my mother in law she's an ass!" She says shoving Marie in my arms as the little girl hugs my neck and I watch Callie run down the steps to the bus. Well, she was pleasant, as all I could do was shake my head and bring Marie inside.

"Ok baby you hungry? You need changing?"I ask taking her coat off as she giggles and smiles at me. She really was a sweetheart as I heard Stef's care pull up and the door slam. Picking Marie up and holding her close to me I open my door once again and see Stef looking so frazzled and upset. "Stef, I have her. Callie just left."

"Shit, I'm sorry Lena. I didn't mean to get you involved. There was traffic and..and I had...

"Hey. It's ok." Gently I place my hand on her arm as she rubs her forehead looking so stressed that I just wanted to hold her.  

"Nana." Marie says as Stef looks to her in my arms smiling and holds her arms out to take her.

"Hi baby. I'm sorry I'm late. You must be hungry." Kissing her little cheek Stef holds her close as I smile at the both of them.

"Stef, come inside. Please. Sit and relax. I won't bite." I urge as she looks to the ground continuing to be so unsure of me. "I just want to be your friend. That's all. Let me help."

"You don't want to get involved in my life Lena. You have your own stuff and..." Grabbing her hand I pull her into my home and shut the door.

"I do. I do want to get involved and I am. So stop pushing me away. I care, so let me. Let me care Stef. "

"Lena, I...

"Go sit," I say grabbing Marie as she hugs me again. " Relax on my couch and I will take care of Marie and get you some food. You need to eat no matter what you decide." I can see the hesitation in her face but without putting up too much more of fight she sits on my couch and within minutes she has fallen asleep. Covering her up with a warm blanket I feed Marie and let Stef sleep for I know she needs it. That among other things.