Chasing Pavements

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STEF POV

The last few days had been somewhat of a blur but I was just happy to be ok, as well as my baby who I found out was going to be a little girl.  The doctors fortunately said that we were ok and found no cause for my pain nor bleeding but they encouraged me to get a ton of rest and stay off my feet if I could. Of course that was hard to do considering my job required me to be on my feet all day and it wasn't like I could just sit around. Plus with Lena and I on different shifts now it made it even harder. 

Whatever the case I had three sick days to use and would just have to figure out what the fuck I was going to do after, and of course Jude was on me about it and was trying to take over.

"Mama you can apply for disability. You can? The state will give it to you based on your condition. We just have to send them proof that the doctor suggested you stay off your feet. I looked into it." He urges showing me printouts of the paper work as I sip my soup that Lena had made me once again.

"Baby boy you don't have to look into this stuff for me. I told you I take..

"Yes, you take care of me. I know Ma. But it was easy for me to print out and look up for you. I can help you fill this stuff out and I'm sure Lena can help too. You can't go back to work and be on your feet all day. It's not good for you. You have to take care of yourself and the baby and we don't know what caused you to bleed and have pain. I don't want that to happen to you again Ma."

Grabbing his hand I put the paperwork down as he looks into my eyes. Once again I felt terrible for feeling like I was always putting him in this position. I hated it, more then anything as he continues to look more and more worried at me.

"Baby, I know you love me. I know you care about me and I appreciate your help as always but please be a kid honey. I will look into this myself ok? But please, I got this love." Stroking his cheek with the back of my hand he lets out a sigh.

"Well I will fill it out for you and you can give it to Lena. Because I know she will help you. But Ma, I want to go back to school. I'll be ok." He says as I rub my forehead almost forgetting that I had kept him home for more then two weeks. Fuck. How could I forget that.  "I'll be ok, Mama. I will Ma."

"Jude, I...

"Ma. Please. I will be ok. I want to go back to school. Please let me."

It had been hard to let my son go back and that was the damm truth for I never knew if he was going to come home hurt and beat up. It was terrifying to say the damm least as I had called the school and they tried to reassure me that he would be ok. But I didn't believe that shit one bit but at the same time I knew how badly Jude wanted to go. So I let him.

It was still stressful to say the least as Lena was helping me look for another school for him but it wasn't easy. Not by any means.

"So I'm gonna head out honey. I left some veggie soup for you, your meds and vitamins. And you are to get some sleep and rest. Hear me?" Lena says as I lay back on the couch with my feet up as she places a glass of water on the table. Taking a seat beside me on the couch I softly smile at her as she strokes my cheek. "Rest, understand."

"Yes mother." I joke as she playfully slaps me and I bust out laughing. "I will rest Lena. I promise."

"Good, and if you need me you know how to reach me. My mom will be here soon too for the twins, and Frankie when they get home from school. I can get Jude too."

"Lena, you...

"Stefanie. Do not. What have I been telling you? What have I been telling you all this time. I want to help so hush, and don't piss me off with that shit." She says  sternly as I let out another soft smile. Grabbing her hand I softly kiss it as my smile grows wider.

"Thank you."

"Of course. Take care of that little girl." Affectionately she rubs my stomach as I place my hand on top of hers. "I'll see you later ok? And rest my love."

"I will Len. I promise."

"Ok. Good." Leaning in she softly kisses my cheek as I close my hands not wanting her to go. Fuck, I really didn't and I wasn't even sure when my heart clung to her in this way. But it was, it was clinging to her more then I realized as she winks at me and my heart nearly dies. "Bye baby."

"Bye." I whisper as she covers me with a blanket and heads out. But it's rather hard for me to sleep, it really is as I stare up at the ceiling just wondering how all this shit is going to go. How am I really going to take care of another baby, how was I going to protect my son, Frankie, my granddaughter and work. How was I going to manage this, how was I going to keep my heart away from Mike and move it more towards Lena. How?

I didn't know the answers to any of this and I had not even told Mike what happened with me especially since I had not heard from him since my first appointment. But I would tell him and his reaction was one that wouldn't surprise me.