Chasing Pavements

Hurt

STEF POV

"You're a hard woman to get a hold of babe!" I suddenly hear Mike say as I'm leaving the hotel to grab a snack and get bit of fresh air. It had been a couple of weeks since I spoke to him and that had been a record for me. Big time as I continue walking and he catches up. "Babe come on give minutes. I brought you something too." He says grabbing my hand as I pull away and stop. "Brought you some lasagna. I know you like it from that deli we go to."

"It makes me nauseous. What do you want Mike?" I cross my arms as he moves closer to me trying to grab my hand but I refuse to let him.

"Don't be like that. I just wanted to talk babe. I mean this is my baby too right?"

"I don't know is it? Last time I checked you said it wasn't." I smart back as he shakes his head.

"Look that was wrong of me to say alright? I'm sorry I said that to you in the car and I'm sorry I panicked.  I just wasn't expecting it. But I'm trying now ok? Are you taking care of yourself and everything?"

"Yes, I'm fine Mike."

"Look I'll come over tonight. We should talk about this. Or I'll take you home. You on your lunch break now?"

"No I'm busy." I say annoyed as he moves in closer to me placing his hand around my waist.

"Look, I'm not an ass Stef, and I'm sorry. I'm real sorry. Let me do something, come on babe. I miss you." Feeling his hand move down my hip and over my ass I look down at the snow covered sidewalk as he pushes my body closer to his. I hated how I always forgave him, god did I hate it and my mind was so scrambled that it was impossible to thing straight. I had come out here to clear my head after Lena and I kissed. Kissed in a way that I didn't even know where in the hell it came from on my part.

Maybe it was my fucking pregnancy hormones. Maybe?

FLASHBACK

"Are you ok?" I hear Lena ask me as we pull away a bit and I feel her gently stroke my cheek. My head was spinning as I still feel my fingers playing with hers as Journey plays in the background on the little nightstand radio.

The heat I was feeling wasn't just from being pregnant it was from being so close to Lena.

"Yes." I whisper as I want to kiss her again. Maybe she picks up on this as our mouths press together once more. It was now getting even warmer in here as I roll my tongue around hers and feel her do the same not wanting to stop. But shyly I gently pull away feeling awkward. "I....I..." Getting up I feel rather faintish as she gently holds my hand getting up as well.

"You ok?"

"Yes. I..Maybe it's my fucking hormones. I don't know. I...um.." I stutter as I look into her confused brown eyes as she knods her head at me. "Maybe I just need some air. "

"Stef?" She says grabbing my again as I look back into her eyes. "I won't do anything that you don't want. I'm not trying to confuse you or anything.  I'm not."

"I just need air Len. Ok? Um...I'll be right back."

"Ok. Do you need something to drink? Stef...." She says softly as I gently pull away.

"No, no I'll be right back."

FLASHBACK ENDS

I had basically ran out the room like a fucking idiot out of pure panic. Out of my own panic and confusion over how I was feeling about her.  I liked Lena, I liked her but I didn't understand my attraction to her. I liked men. I liked men for as long as I could remember but if that was the case why did I have feelings for her. Why did I want her in my bed, why did I keep holding her hand, laying on her and...why did I like kissing her. Why?

"Stef? You ok? You need to sit?" Mike asks snapping me out of my thoughts as I shake my head.

"No I'm ok. Just probably need to eat."

"Well take the food.  You want me to walk you back in babe?"

"I'm ok. I need to get back to work."

"Well look, I still wanna talk about all this. When is your appointment? I want to go with you." Gently he strokes my face as he pulls me in closer to him again. "I can stay over tonight. Stef, I'm trying here. I'm trying babe."

"I'll talk to you later ok? When I get off."

"Alright. Eat the lasagna. It has vegetables and stuff in it and let me know if you need vitamins or something. Its cold out here go on back inside." Pulling my body closer him once more and leans in and softly kisses me lips. "Call me ok?"

"Sure." Watching him head back into his patrol car my mind is racing like crazy as this fresh air did me no fucking good. None at all as I walk back to the hotel and looking up I see Lena standing outside and closing her coat up. I had just made this entire fucking thing awkward.

"You ok?" She asks as I nod my head.

"Yeah."

"He say something to you? He hurt you?"

"No. Not, um not at all. He wants to go to the first appointment with me."

" Well that's good." She says as I can see the smile she forces. " Is that what you want?" She asks as I'm not sure how to answer which she picks up on. "Well, I was just checking on you so I'm going to take my lunch break now. Do you need anything?"

"No. I'm ok. Lena I...

"It's fine Stef. It was a mistake I know, the kiss and I know Mike is the father of your child and if he wants to be in your babies life that's a good thing. We are friends, and that's all and that's ok. But um...I need to run out and I'll be back."

"Yeah." I whisper as she walks off and I know I've hurt her. I know it as I wonder if I should just stay away from her.