Chasing Pavements

Beside Her

LENA POV

"I can keep an eye on the babies tonight, if you wanna go back home." Stef says as we clean up the popcorn and colas from the movie. The kids had all went to bed and didn't even last the entire movie. They were all rather exhausted even Jude.

"That's alot Stef. Sometimes Mariana wakes in the middle of the night and Jesus."

"That's ok I can attend to them. Frankie usually does too." She says pulling her hair up in a ponytail making her eyes even more intense and beautiful. "Unless you don't trust me." She teases as I give her a look and she laughs. "Oh man woman that look! You can be fucking scary."

"Ha! I give you that look because you talk nonsense. Course I trust you don't say that shit to me again Stefanie."

"Oh man, you used my whole name!"

"No I said Stefanie, not Stefanie Marie Foster. Then you'd be in fucking trouble." I tease again wiping the bowl dry as she turns around leaning her back against her old counter. She looked tired but at the same time so beautiful. Stef really didn't understand how strong she was about all this and what an amazing mother she is. Having a kid like Jude was hard and she was amazing about.

"I wonder what it will be. You know a boy or a girl." She whispers as I put the rag down looking at her. "I mean I don't know. Just a thought."

"Well, some Moms know ahead of time. Did you with Brandon and Jude?"

"No, I didn't. I wanted to be surprised, ya know? I mean with Brandon I was young. Too young and....shit I'm sorry Lena. I didn;t mean to say that I...

"Hey. No. Listen, Stef I didn't tell you about my abortion to make you feel bad to talk to me. I told you because I trust you. Don't feel bad about that baby. Don't. Now finish what you were saying. I mean do you want to know the sex?" Looking down at the ground she places her hand on her small stomach.

"I feel she's a girl. Unless that's wishful thinking who the fuck knows."

"No, it can be a feeling. A gut feeling or just your instincts. Do you want another girl?" I smile as her eyes now look at me rather embarrassed.

"I don't know Len. I guess I'm going one step at a time ya know. The first appointment is next week and I hope she's ok. Or he. Ya know even if I'm so unsure about all this I want him or her to be ok."

"Of course you do. Has, um, has Mike reached out since last week?" Not really wanting to know the fucking answer since I wanted to punch him in the fucking face I asked anyway to see if he was making an effort or not.

"He called a few times. But I haven't really spoken to him since last week when she showed up with the flowers and making my son upset. But, I didn't want him as a father. But it's what it is. Ya know?"

"Yes, I mean I know but it doesn't mean she can't have a good life. Whatever Mike chooses she has you and she is lucky for that. She has a big sister, and two big brothers, and Marie."

"Ha. One brother. I don't expect Brandon to be anything more then just a fucking criminal and Callie is right behind him. I didn't raise him like that Lena. Not at all. I didn't raise him to steal, to be a jackass, to disrespect woman and be a bum. I didn't."

"I know you didn't." Placing my hand on her arm she looks right into my eyes. "You can only do so much. And you did your best and it was his choice to be this way. Not yours."

"I know. I just don't want to mess up this baby."

"You won't. She, because you believe she is a girl, will be amazing. Just like Jude, Frankie and Marie. Because you are her Mama, that's why." I say as she smiles once again not letting go of my hand.

"Lena, take my bed ok? I'll sleep on the couch in case your babies wake."

"You are fucking kidding me right? You really think I'm going to kick you out of your own bed. You must have lost your fucking mind." I say sternly as she laughs right at me. "I will take your couch and that's the end of that."

"Lena you are stubborn as fuck."

"And?" I say as she puts the last dish away.

"And just sleep in the bed with me. It's large enough." She suggests and thank god she doesn't see my face as I hang her rag up instantly feeling my heart rate pick up. "Unless I have cooties."

"Please." I laugh back at her but feeling my insides grow hot as hell. Shit.

"I'm serious. I don't mine Len. We are friends, right?"

"Of course we are."

"Ok. Then lets head to bed. I'm fried."

"I know you are. I can finish the rest. I don't mind."

"Thanks. I'll check on the babies." She smiles once again heading into the room as I finally let go of the breath that I was holding in. How in the world was I going to do this and why did I agree. How? I'd just have to keep my distance as I clean up the rest of the kitchen, check on all the babies and head into her room where I see her reading in the bed. She has on reading classes and a long tee shirt as she has laid one out for me on the bed with PJ pants.

"Those ok? So you don't need to go next door and grab anything?"

"Oh they are fine. Thanks." I swallow hard trying so fucking hard to control myself as she goes back to her reading. Using her bathroom I quickly change and hope to god I can be ok tonight. I didn't know this would happen, and I didn't know I'd be in the position. But I was and backing out would make her feel badly as I turn the bathroom light off and head back into the bedroom. I must have taken longer then I realized since she's laying down and I gently climb into her bed and flick the light off. But I can feel the heat from her body unless its my insides that have me on fire as I feel the bed move and her turn to face me resting her head on her hand.

"Wanna know a secret?"

"Sure." I turn to face her as the streetlamp shines on her face.

"I never had a friend like you before. One that is so kind Lena. Our friendship means so much. It does."

"I feel the same Stef. I never had a friend like you either. I mean you know the crowd I ran with." I say as she moves a tad closer and I can't fucking help but run my hand up and down her bare arm gently.

"Yeah I know. You were a bad girl." 

"I was." I responds softly feeling like I can't really breath.

"But, I'm selfish tonight. I am."

"What? Why do you say that?" I ask confused.

"I didn't wanna be alone tonight Lena. I mean for the most part I handle it but tonight I needed a friend and your my best friend and, I...

"I understand. And you don't need to explain ok?"

"Ok." She whispers.

"Come here." I say to her as she turns around and I hold her from behind. This was the closet we had ever, ever been as I could feel her melt into my body. I just can't help but hold her close as I kiss the back of her head and close my own eyes feeling her warm body. "I can hold you all night. Ok? I don't mind sweetheart. Not at all."

"Please." She whispers as I kiss her once again and feeling my attraction growing even stronger. Stef was strong, god was she ever but when she let her guard down she was mush and I could see how easily Mike took advantage. But I was not like that and never ever would be with her for she deserved love and not from him.