Chasing Pavements

Another Move

STEF POV

The weekend with Lena and our kids had flown by like lightening as she had slept over both nights, we watched a ton of movies with the kids, baked, and played board games. Her company was unlike anything I was use to and my feelings about her were mixed up, big time. Truthfully I wasn't sure how I was feeling about our friendship, and it was no secret  how kind she was with me and my children, supportive and very affectionate. 

Yes, I invited her to stay over because I didn't want to be alone, but it was also because I liked her company and the level of comfort she gave to me each and every time I was in her presence. But why did I feel that way and what did that mean? It was no like anything I ever experienced before with a woman much less a man and the more time I spent with her the more confusing it was becoming. Being with her, in her presence, was different then being with Mike. Did I have feelings for Mike, yes. At times was I still hoping he would leave his wife? Sometimes yes. Did I think me being pregnant with his baby would make him leave his wife? Maybe? I really didn't know as stupid as that seems. But so far I had not heard back from him after I dodged his calls a few times and knew he would most likely show up at some point. 

Sipping on some tea before I headed to work, I was still keeping Jude home until I figured out what I was going to do with him, for there was no way I was sending him back to school just yet. That school needed to fucking fix what was happening and even if Jude was against me keeping him home I had to do what was best for him right now.

"So sweets I'll call and check up on you? But you stay put, here me? I'll be back at my usual time." I say standing in the doorway of his room as he has a few books over his bed and working on math. Lena had helped him with his work all weekend as well which was a great relief to me considering I didn't make it past 9th grade.

"Ma, I'm fine to go to school. I really am. I'm not scared of those boys."

Walking over to his bed I take a seat and gently grab his hand rubbing it.  Gently moving his hair away from his eyes I smile softly at him knowing how frustrated he was.

"Baby, I know you are fine to go, but it's not safe ok? I'm gonna figure out if I can send you to a different school or...

"Ma, no." He says cutting me of. "Ma, look I'll just be normal."

"Normal?"

"Yeah, I'll be like the other boys.  I'll dress like them, talk like them, do normal stuff they do. Just to make things easier. I..

"Hey, don't you dare." I grab his face forcing him to look right at me. This entire thing was breaking my heart in ways no one knew and in ways nothing ever had. He didn't deserve this,the way he was being treated.  He deserved better, a better life, and to feel safe with who he was and in his own skin. "Don't you dare change for anyone. Ever. Who gives a fuck about those kids and anyone else how has a problem with who you are. Don't you dare change yourself for them. Ever."

"Ma, I just want to be normal." He sighs as I grab his hand once again.

"You are normal baby. You are normal." Feeling tears roll down my eyes he looks up at me with his big brown ones. "Do not change. Don't change to make others happy sweets. Because then you aren't happy. Be you, be yourself or other people miss out. Gilda would miss out, I would miss out, Lena, and may other friends you will make in your life. We would all miss out."

"I know." He nods his head as I lean in and kiss his forehead just wanting things to be ok for him. 

"I hope you know babe.  Listen, there's food in there ok? Make a sandwitch and there's soup too that Lena made." I say as a wide smile grows on his face. "What, what's with the smile babe?"