I Died Today (BWWM)

26.Broken

Levi P.O.V

I sat on my bed with my head swimming in worry since I haven't heard from Sydney since this morning. Beth was downstairs with Ethan "Talking" But every once in a while I could hear a moan or two. I'm not sure why she kept pretending as if she was really gay, maybe she just loved Ethan. I looked at the time and it was late, so when I heard a knock at the door I jumped a little, I'm sure it's my dad. 

I headed down the stairs since not much was going on and my mind wouldn't let me rest anyways. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the cabinet that was warm and gross.

"Levi." A soft voice said making me turn to see Sydney.

"You scared the shit out of me," I said walking to her and she was cold and wet.

"Sorry," She replied and I just looked at her as she sat down with her normally puffy hair sadly hanging onto her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked sitting at the chair in front of her and sat my beer on the table next to use.

"You're an amazing person Levi!" She said in an excited whisper.

"Thank you," I said with a confused smile, and she just looked at me.

"Your mother loves you too," She said making me smile more.

"Well I hope she does, I've never met her, but my dad tells me I'm a lot like her. Where have you been all day?" I asked her.

"It's strange how disconnected I am with her, but at the same time I feel the same way she should." She said again confusing me.

"What are you talking about? Did you buy weed from Harvey? Because he dips the nuggets into embalming fluid, and I know it will fuck you." I said hoping she wasn't fucking with Harvey's weed, but she just smiled.

"No, I'm not high, and I need you to not talk for 5 minutes." She pulled out her phone and sat it on the table and I looked at the timer she sat.

"Alright, 5 minutes," I said as sat her phone down and the five minutes started, and I sat there not talking.

"The night you were born, everyone was excited, even your grandparents, and no one expected for them to be excited. Your mother forced your dad to stop at a payphone just to call her parents and they scream in excitement. Everyone was excited but Kate was nervous, giving birth was going to hurt and being a mother was something new. Loving someone more than herself, and her husband, falling in love with someone all over again and keeping them safe from the world." She said and I just sat there feeling myself wanting to cry.

"Before she could meet you, she lost her life and God knows she was scared to die, for the first time she was scared to die. I went my whole life not knowing you, but when I saw you at the mall I knew I loved you. I never knew you were Levi's child, Kates son, but you felt like everything to me. You will never know the love of your mother, and I hate that because you're perfection in one human."

 "I'm sorry for how your grandparents treated you,"

"I'm sorry your dad wasn't always there for you,"

"I'm sorry you had to grow up finding things out alone,"

"I'm sorry you didn't feel loved all the time,"

"I'm sorry you thought you were less than perfect,"

"I'm sorry you didn't get the mother that you would show you how perfect you are, to treat you like a king, to always be there for you, to help you understand yourself, and to love you all the time. I'm sorry she wasn't there for you Levi, and I'm sorry I died. I couldn't do it as Kate, as your mother, and I wanted to do it as Sydney, but how could I when I know you're my son from another lifetime. How could I when my husband is your father, and it all came down to me when I thought of you. No matter how much, I love you, I can't stay here, and I don't want to live again having the thoughts of you." She stopped talking when the phone went off and I didn't talk either.

She sat in front of me dry-eyed and my face was covered in tears by her confusing words but in more ways than one, I felt better. I felt like I talked to mother for the first time in my life and the last time, so when I opened my mouth I expected to ask her what was happening but I didn't.

"I don't want my mom to be sorry about anything, she wasn't here to show those things but she gave me a lot. Starting off with my life, she gave birth to me and after that gave me thing that kept me going no matter how bad it got. Looking at her paintings made me understand I loved art, reading her journals made me feel normal because she was just as weird as me. She gave me a father that's not perfect but has dealt with me and my grandparents no matter how much bull shit they gave. When we didn't have food, I always ate, when we didn't have heat, I was never cold. When I got picked on at school, he always let me know he had my back, she gave me him." I stopped cleaning my face feeling better as I talked.

"She gave me grandparents, that showed me the world, made sure I knew how to deal with money and grow wealth. They though me how to speak French and Japanese and stuff kids my age wouldn't know. She gave me this town to grow up in because that's why we came back here because of her. SHe gave me a great school, Ethan and Beth no matter how annoying they are, and the last gift she gave me was you." I said looking at Sydney.

"In her journal, she said this town had magic in it, it was amazing how much love you can find in it. My dad said she was just poetic but she was right. If a genie gave me three wishes, one would be you, two would be for your happiness, and three would be for our child's happiness." I said with a smile on my face now.

Sydney didn't say anything just stood heading for the door and I didn't think to put on shoes just grabbed my jacket. 

"Sydney!" I yelled following behind her in the rain, that was heavy now.

"I have to go!" SHe yelled back and she started to run and I followed her.