Poems About Life

my goodbyes

your face should have been familiar, your hugs a standard

I don't even remember saying goodbye, don't remember your face 

I just remember kneeling in the dirt, touching your headstone

and crying, finally saying goodbye to someone I should never have had to.

I don't remember your voice, I don't remember your face

I remember a feeling, I remember the fear.

I remember the pain and the wounds you, my protector, gave me.

I don't remember saying goodbye, just remember you becoming smoke and drifting away

but leaving your stink and the gray over my life.

I remember friends, so many friendly faces I can't recall anymore 

I remember my home, I remember my adventures and I remember my fights.

I remember the smell of pine and fire, and dirt and storms. I remember the feel of the grass and the pavement on my bare feet.

And I remember leaving my home to a stranger, being promised a reunion that never came.

I remember your first goodbye, I remember the way you vanished and the way I searched in the dark for a hero you never were.

I remember you coming back with new scars and new promises and the way they turned to ash at my feet.

You promised me protection and love and hope and then when I found it time to say goodbye

you torn me apart, claiming a piece of my heart and soul that was never yours.

I remember the preparations, wanting for it to end, I remember the way your presence wound around my throat, stealing my life.

I remember being prepared to say goodbye, the sweetness of that fight;

knowing that it was almost over, almost done.

after that night I almost said goodbye to my life, to the world.

I looked at the blade and looked at my wrists and wanted the pain to stop, I wanted to say goodbye,

but I looked around and somehow found the strength to fight that easy goodbye.

I remember leaving and saying goodbye, I remember crying and I remember that when I looked back your eyes were dry.

I remember well wishes, I remember hugs and smiles and now I wonder how many were fake 

I remember saying goodbye to my second home state and knowing I would never go back the same person.

I remember flying away hoping, praying, that my goodbyes would mean something.

I remember saying goodbye to you, worrying that you'd forget me, that you'd be done with me

I remember your promises and wondering if you would keep them. 

And I remember the relief when we said hello face to face instead of goodbye.

I remember my most painful goodbye.

My heart being kept safe far away from my body and mind, locked up in my home.

I remember crying, sobbing hating my choice, wishing I could give up

But knowing if I wanted another hello I couldn't say goodbye yet.

I always cry at our goodbyes, after all,you're taking my heart away from me again.

I remember being robbed of my goodbye, Of so many goodbyes

I remember not knowing if it was goodbye until it was too late

and regretting my words, my sharp tongue doing damage again.

There are at least 2 goodbyes I hope I never have to say. I will fight that darkness, that unknown until my breath is gone and my lungs are dry.