Poems About Life

shades

In the depth of my heart live different shades, different for every emotion and thought.

bright white for my love, a burning red for my temper, a blue or green for my peace and a shadow for my doubts.

for a while, it felt like the shadow had been locked away, it couldn't bother me when it was caught

then a tired drunken thought entered my mind, slipped past my protections its purpose my white light to douse.

it crept in from the shadows of my mind's eye to whisper horrible "what ifs" to the white and the blue

the shadow laughs as my peace writhes in a corner, slowly dying and oil seeps through my mind, a dirty vile fear

it whispers while I sleep keeping me scared, "have you thought this through?"

"Is this what you want? Is all this pain and stress what you want to adhere yourself to?"

I try to clear those thoughts, but when I light a candle to rid myself of the dark it splits into so many pieces and then the voices come from everywhere.

Its no longer content to be one voice in my mind, one I can ignore if I try hard enough

I'm drowning again, in a pit of my own creation and I wonder if it wouldn't be better to give up that precious air

Maybe if I put on a borrowed grin, a stolen light the shadow in my heart and mind won't be able to see through my bluff

the small part of me I keep under lock and key is the devils advocate for the shadow growing by the day

"It could be right you know. you know you're young, energy enough to still be wild. why tie yourself down to the earth when you know you want to climb the tallest trees and take the world by force?"

the other shades hidden in my heart listen to the chained voice, threaten to steal it away

So my mind battles my heart as I struggle through the days, struggling to keep to the course.

If the shadow is right, if the voice is freed and given control of my thoughts I know I'll spend an endless eon alone in the dark again

The voice and the shadow feeding off my pain and loneliness.enjoying the chaos even as it burns them away

Their cursed partnership will wound them and they'll lick the blood up and ask for more, they'll bury me in my own rough spun chains

they'll ruin the friends I've made, break the bonds of a family I'm trying to connect to, they'll peel back my skin to crush my bones under my own hopelessness and just for their own amusement they'll tear the muscle I've built by myself and turn me back into a plaything made of clay