Alone With My Thoughts | Jikook

Chapter 3. Excrutating

Jimin couldn't fall back asleep Jungkooks words echoing in his mind. To a point that he couldn't bear to be in the same room. He grabbed his chimmy cushion hugging it against his chest and slowly stumbing out of the room and into there living area. He wanted to remove his pain. As he started thinking about when he hurt his leg and how that caused the pain he was feeling to leave even if it was just for a short while it made him wonder.

He always thought it was stupid that people cut never dreaming of understanding why they do it. He didn't realise his body was slowly making it's way to the kitchen once he realised where he was his hand was on the knife. "Jimin..?" A soft voice was heard from the other end of the room.

Jimin quickly spun around eyes swollen and wide. It was Jin. "H-hyung! What are you doing here?" Jimin questioned panicked. Jin crossed his arms and glared at Jimin. "I could ask you the same question, Park Jimin" Jin shot walking over to Jimin. Jimin gulped "I'm hungry..." He sighed. Jin looked Jimin in the eyes. "You were crying, why?" Jin asked.

"No rea-" Jin cut Jimin off "Jungkook?" He asked softly. Jimin just nodded eyes watering. Jin took Jimin into a warm embrace allowing Jimin to sob into his chest not caring about his shirt. "Its okay Jimin. You will find someone else." Jin sighed softly "No! No I won't! You don't understand! He said he hates me! 'I hate you Park Jimin!' He thought I was asleep and couldn't hear him! He said that! I don't care if I find no one! I just! I just don't want to lose Kookie! But I am!" Jimin cried punching Jins chest repeatedly. Jin looked at Jimin and smiled softly, eyes slightly angered after hearing Jimin say that. "Jimin. You are not gonna lose Jungkook to some wannabe female you!". Jimin froze and just slightly nodded. He couldn't bring himself to agree.

He gently slapped Jimins back. "I'm going to bed you should too." Jin laughed walking back to his and Namjoons room. Even after Jin spoke to him it didn't help, the pain just grew and grew until he felt as though there was a huge hole in his chest. He waited till he heard the door close once he heard the click signalling him that Jin would not be able to see him.

Jimin quickly grabbed the knife took a deep breath before slowly dragging it across the smooth milky white skin of his wrist staining it crimson red. It hurt but he gladly exchanged it for the pain in his heart. He let the blood ooze from his wrist as he was busy cleaning the knife trying not to leave a drop of blood. "I don't want to worry my hyungs...especially after jin hyung almost caught me..." Jimin sighed under his breath wiping off a tiny speck of blood and putting the knife away before rubbing the blood off his wrist and wrapping it so the members wouldnt notice incase more blood was there by morning. Then going to sleep.

"WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD! WE HAVE TO GO TO THE STUDIO DUMBASS!" Tae yelled at Jimin shaking him. Jimins eyes fluttered open as he glanced at the tall boy who was shaking him. He shot him a sad smile before shoving him off "Okay okay let me get ready!" He laughed pained. Jimin ran to his room. "Hey." Jungkook hummed. Jimin smiled at him "hello!" He mused refusing to look at him keeping his eyes fixed on the closet filled with clothes. "Why didn't you sleep in here?" Jungkook asked confused.

Jimin looked at him. "What?" He asked. "Why did you sleep on the couch?" He continued. "Oh.. I couldn't sleep..." Jimin replied looking back at the closet and grabbing a grey jumper and a pair of light blue ripped jeans. "Oh okay then, but why did you leave the room? You know you could have gotten in my bed" Jungkook beamed flashing his gorgeous bunny smile. Jimin just looked at him "Because you have a girlfriend. That would be like cheating!" Jimin giggled as he entered the bathroom and changed into his jumper but not before glancing at the cut he had given himself. "It really does work..." He smiled to himself.

He cleansed his face thoroughly before leaving and walking directly past Jungkook and into the living area where 5 of the members were waiting for him. Jungkook following quietly. As they all entered there cars. Jimin rode with Hoseok and Taehyung while Jungkook drove alone. "Jimin?" Hoseok questioned. Jimin hummed in response. "How are things with you and Jungkook?" Hoseok questioned. "I dunno...It kinda hurts but I have to be happy for him, so I'm proud of our maknae..." Jimin lied. Hoseok just nodded and smiled sweetly. Taehyung  just nodded keeping his eyes on the road. After about 10 minutes of listening to Hoseok and Taehyung talk they arrived. Jimin stayed silent as he didn't want to invade there conversations.

They entered the studio and Jimins heart sank when he seen blackpink he wouldn't have minded it if he didn't see Jungkooks arm wrapped around Jennies tiny waist. He walked up to Namjoon. "Why is Blackpink here?" Jimin asked trying not to sound rude. "Oh! You and Jungkook are going to be dancing with Jennie and Lisa! While Hoseok, Taetae and Jin dance with Jisoo. Rosé, Yoongi and I will be singing together. I forgot to tell you sorry" Namjoon laughed. 'He forgot you exist! He doesn't care for you!' His conscience told him.

Jimin nodded trying to ignore his thoughts. He walked over to the group. "Hello ladies! You're all looking lovely aren't you!" He beamed faking a smile. "Hello Jimin oppa!" Lisa and Jennie exclaimed in unison. "Hi..." Jisoo replied shyly. "What's up Jimin oppa!" Rosé beamed smiling brightly. "So I heard I'm going to be dancing with two of you beautiful women!" He continued still holding the fake smile. "Yup with Jennie and I! I'm so excited! Jimin oppa is an amazing dancer!" Lisa gushed.

"Thank you Love! That's very sweet but I'm not as good as you!" Jimin replied kindly before walking off and fighting back his tears. He entered the balcony and screamed army at the top of his lungs gaining many people's attention. Some people screamed 'purple you' others just gave finger hearts but most replied with 'JIMIIIIINNNNN' This cheered him up a bit. He gave the passerbys 2 finger hearts then one huge whole body heart before walking back into the studio and practicing.

He continued to practice lie and serendipity until Lisa, Jennie and Jungkook walked up to him and explained the choreography design. He just nodded and got into position. Bearly moving his body as he carefully watched the choreographers every move taking all the advice and helpful criticism. As they began practicing Jimin wouldn't make eye contact with Jungkook or anyone for that matter he just practiced and practiced. Everyone took a break to eat but Jimin refused he wanted to learn the choreography as it was distracting him from the two love birds, Jennie was sitting where Jimin usually sat beside Jungkook.

As the song ended Jimin walked over to the table grabbed his water and chugged it down before slamming it onto the table and going back to dancing around half way through the dance Jimin felt someone grab his wrist he look up and noticed it was Jungkook he just smiled sadly and tried to remove his wrist. Jungkook had a serious expression. "I didn't see you eat today. You have been dancing for 5 hours eat." Jungkook said seriously.

"I'm not hungry..." Jimin mumbled looking at the ground. "Bullshit" Jungkook growled through his teeth. As he yanked Jimin to the table annoyed. He handed Jimin a sandwich "Eat. Now." Jungkook growled. Jimin just nodded sadly and bit the sandwich. Jungkook walked back over to his girlfriend and began laughing with her. Jimin picked up his plate and walked away. "Where are you going Jimin oppa?" Rosé questioned. Jimin turned around and shot her a huge fake smile. "I want to eat outside on the balcony. It's a lot calmer there and I can see army" he boasted Rosé nodded and he walked out.

He looked at the sandwich and then looked out the balcony to make sure no one had noticed him yet. He quickly threw the sandwich off the balcony and leaned against the wall as he silently sobbed wanting to let it all out. It was killing him seeing that girl all over his man. How she was touching him everywhere. 'He never cared about you Jimin. You were foolish to ever believe that! Who could ever care about you! Hell your parents don't even care!' His conscience told him.

This made Jimin cry more he hugged his body tightly wishing for this pain to disappear. The emptiness, the hole going through his chest had returned. Once he stopped crying he slowly walked back into the studio but what he saw was horrific. Jungkook and Jennie making out in the corner. Jimin felt his eyes water as he grabbed his bag and ran to the bathroom locking the door behind him.

He couldnt bear it, the horrific pain he felt when he seen Jungkook and her. He tightly gripped his hair as he allowed his back to sag against the wall until the point where he just slid down dropping his head between his legs and silently sobbing and pleading those touches Jennie received could have been for him. After all he knew him longer and loved him first.

After what felt like hours he waited in the bathroom for his eyes to become less pink and his cheeks to be less puffy and pink. Once everything looked normal he left the bathroom putting on a huge smile when he made eye contact with Kim Seokjin.