Alone With My Thoughts | Jikook

Chapter 17. The diary

After an hour Jeongguk was on his way back to the members, he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. As he was turning the corner he noticed a doctor leaving the surgery room they rushed Jimin into.

Jeongguk didn't waste I second before sprinting to the doctor. "Sir!" Jeongguk screamed grabbing the mans coat and tugging. The doctor slowly turned around and looked down at the boy. "Yes?" "Is Jimin okay!? Can I see him? Please? I need to see him!" Jeongguk pleaded. The doctor sighed. "He is stable but him surviving is quite slim, you can visit him but only one person at a time. Keep the volume down and don't be surprised when he doesn't respond." The doctor then walked away as Jeongguk rushed into the room.

Once the boy opened the door and his eyes laid on the sickly boy who's head was bandaged above his eyes, Jeongguk slowly inched over to the boy but once he seen his pale face with blue lips, the soft but distant breaths the bandages randomly distributed around his body and the tubes connected to his arms and under his nose one going down under his shirt and into his chest. 

Jeongguk shut his eyes tightly hoping to open them and everything is okay, that he will wake up beside Jimin. Blush at his cuteness and sneak some glances whenever he could. Wishing he will be in the practice room listening to Jimin explain how to do a move or staring at his movement and grace. Or when he stares at Jimin stuffing his face till his cheeks puffed out when they talked for hours at night while their hyungs slept and even when he had to cuddle Jimin every time Jin was too loud.

Jeongguk slowly opened his eyes ands tears began falling once he became aware, it wasnt a dream and it never will be. This is the truth, Jimin might die. 

Days passed as Jeongguk sat there by Jimin's cold side the whole time, barely eating at all. But eventually those days turned into weeks as Jeongguk remained sitting there the members bringing him new clothes etc all the time. Everyone was worried. They cancelled there world tour two weeks ago as Jimin if he wakes up won't be prepared. 

"Jeongguk! You need rest too! If Jimin-"

"WHEN! WHEN JIMIN WAKES UP!" Jeongguk cried, the boy still gets emotional every time he sees Jimin laying lifelessly on the hospital bed. Jin nodded. "He is strong Jeongguk, but you need rest too. Jimin wouldn't like this." Jin explained calmly. Jeongguk shook his head. "It's fine, I need to stay by him. He needs me hyung." Jin sighed knowing he couldn't change the stubborn boys mind.

Jeongguk waited for the click of the door and once he heard it he pulled out his phone and set his camera up so that it couldn't view Jimin. He went live.

A swarm of views.

No one had been live since the incident.

No one told ARMY.

"KOOKIE! What happened!?"

"I heard Jimin tried to commit suicide, IS HE OKAY??"

"OMG WHAT!?"

"I heard he fell off the balcony"

one comment caught Jeongguks eye.

"I heard Jeongguk pushed him."

That broke him, but he swallowed it inside.

"H-Hi ARMY..I missed you" Jeongguk stated in a small voice.

"BABY! WHY ARE YOU SO SKINNY?"

"IS BIGHIT STARVING YOU!?"

"Do you still have your six pack?"

"Why was the tour cancelled? Are the rumours true?"

Jeongguk sighed. "I'm sure you're all curious..So, I will explain." Jeongguk paused trying to find the right words. "The rumours, they are all...they're all false." Jeongguk looked down nervously he could feel his eyes watering. "Something, happened." He smiled. "But don't be worried! Jiminssi is okay!" Jeongguk smiled glancing at the boy in the hospital bed and choking a sob.

"Jungkookie? Why are you crying??"

"NO DON'T CRY LITTLE GOLDEN MAKNAE!"

"Honestly, I don't speak korean but I clicked so fast-"

"@iatejiminsunderwear OMG SAME! I don't know whats happening but it doesn't look good and i'm here eating noodles and trying to pretend I understand xD"

Jeongguk looked directly at the camera. "Jiminie can't come to the phone right now. He- Jiminie is, he is a little sick right now but don't be alarmed ARMY! He doesn't want you to worry!" Jeongguk laughed nervously. "Okay then bye bye!" Jeongguk turned off the live and all the sobs he choked in came crashing down like a tsunami.

'One month. 1st July 2018,

Jiminie hyung still hasn't woken up. I decided to write a diary, I'll give it to him WHEN he wakes up..

Jimin ssi, it's been one month. Even the doctors are getting concerned... You missed so much, ARMY is so worried, I'm so worried. I keep telling myself if I stay here, if I just stay here and hope. You will come back, I will just open my eyes and everything will be normal. We will go to practice like normal, talk like normal, eat like normal, hangout like normal. It's been a month, I miss seeing your eyes. I miss waking up beside you and smelling the sweet scent of strawberries in your hair. I miss making excuses to talk to you and hold you. I miss wrestling with you. I miss staring at you fill your face with food until your cheeks look so chubby I so badly want to grab them. I miss your crescent smile and your contagious laugh. I miss your small chubby hands I would grab. I miss the sweet pink tint that would pass over your cheeks every time I touched you. I miss your height. Park Jimin, if this is life. I don't want anything to do with it if you aren't here by my side.

Jimin, please come back to me soon. I'm going crazy without you and it hurts most that everyone is saying 'if' you wake up. You will wake up, right?'

 Jeongguk turned around once he heard the door creak open, all his hyungs entered the room smiling at him as Jeongguk dropped his pencil and closed the diary.

The younger got up and ran into Namjoons embrace burying his face in his shirt. "I'm sorry hyung." Jeongguk muttered muffled in the olders chest. "Why?" Namjoon softly questioned rubbing circles on the boys back. "I have been so rude to you guys..All you have been doing is try and help me..You all are struggling not just me..." Jeongguk explained Namjoon tightening the hug pulling the boy closer. 

"Don't apologise Jeongguk, its a stressful time." Namjoon explained. Hoseok still couldn't look at Jimin hiding his face in Yoongi's neck everytime.