Awsten was in the lounge room, laying on the couch. He had the five letters in his hands. He was really nervous to open them for some reason- it was almost like he was getting a bit of a crush on the anonymous writer. He ripped open the first letter, grinning at the yellow paper. He couldn't help himself, starting to rip open all of the envelopes until he had a half rainbow on his lap. His hands were shaking and his fingers ached from opening the envelopes. He read through the letters one by one, the smile on his face growing by the second.
'Awsten,
I miss you. You haven't been at school. Lots of people are worried about you, but I think I'm the most worried. I've missed seeing your face and hearing your laugh.
You stand out to me. I don't know if you know that, but I'm just automatically drawn to you. I like watching you from across a classroom, seeing you concentrate. It's so cute. You pout and your face gets all scrunched up and you run your hands through your hair when something is stressful. I like that about you.
I like lots of things about you. If I wrote a list I think it would end pretty quickly. If I wrote a list of the things I loved about you, it would never end.
Love from, someone who misses your presence.'
That was the yellow letter. Awsten put it aside, a huge grin on his face. He wished he knew who it was. He wished he could see them, or at least know their name.
'Awsten,
How are you? You were at school today. I was glad I got to see you. But you got hurt, I think. Something when you were on the track this morning. I wasn't sure what happened. I only saw you this morning. I hope you're okay because I love you so much and I really don't want anything bad to happen to you.
I've been thinking about you often. I've been thinking about what it would be like to cuddle you, or kiss you. I've been thinking about what it would be like to hold your hand, because your hands are so pretty. I bet they're cold. I'm very warm. I could make your hands warm for you.
Love from, someone who thinks telling their crush that they can make their hands warm is weird.'
Awsten laughed at this letter, reading over it a few times. The writer was right, his hands really were always cold. He put the orange letter with the yellow one, picking up a green one.
'Hello Awsten,
I've been okay recently. I haven't told anyone this before, but it almost happened. My dad asked me if I was gay. He threatened to hit me. I was really scared. I thought about you though and that made me feel better.
I think I might stop writing these letters. I heard you reading one to your friends the other day. That upset me.
I still love you. I still love you so much. I still think about you every day. I feel like I'm being creepy, am I being creepy? I'm sorry. I love you though.
So much love, an upset boy who has used the word love too many times.'
Well.. at least Awsten had confirmation that the writer was a boy. He frowned to himself- some of the letters were really old. How long had they been in there? He put the sad letter into the small pile, picking up another letter. This one was red.
'To my Awsten,
I saw you today. I saw you and you were so beautiful. You were in a wheelchair. I hope you're okay. If you ever need anything, I guess you could write me a letter and put it in locker triple 8. I don't know how long it would take for me to help you, but I'd definitely write you a reply.
Sometimes I question my sexuality. Sometimes I look at a girl and think maybe that I like her. I used to think that I liked girls, I really did. I once had a crush on a boy named Mac. He was cute, but he wasn't like you. I found that I don't really like people taller than me. I like short people. They fit in my lap better, sort of like a puzzle. I wish I could cuddle you in my lap. I wish I could cuddle you until you get sick of it.
I think I've ranted for too long. I love you, Awsten. You're so beautiful.
So much affection, a boy who is under your spell.'
That made Awsten sound like a witch. He giggled to himself, putting the letter into the little pile that had formed. He picked up the last letter, which was purple. He unfolded it.
"Awsten,
I have to confess.
I know you already know this, but I have to confess. If you find out who I am I hope that you understand.
Awsten, I am gay. I am attracted to boys, but if you think that sounds like I'm a pedophile, I am attracted to men.
I am attracted to sharp jawlines and pretty cheekbones that could cut my finger if I traced them.
I am attracted to deep voices, muscles, flat chests and stubble.
I am attracted to hair, I am attracted to strong shoulders and (of course) penises.
I don't know why but I am.
I am attracted to you.
I like men, Awsten. I don't know if I could ever say that to your face. I don't know if I could ever say that to anyone other than my best friend or siblings. I don't know.
Please don't hate me, Awsten.
I love you.
From, a homosexual.'
Awsten tucked away the letter, frowning. How could he hate someone who was gay if he was gay anyways? He folded the five letters, putting them on the floor next to the couch. He put the envelopes onto the floor too and sighed.
Should he write a letter to the boy?
Awsten thought about what he would write about. He yawned, his long eyelashes making his eyes feel heavy. He felt them droop as he thought.
Soon enough, the boy was asleep.
