Hopeful and Hopeless

Fourteen

"I love my Dad. My Dad is everything. I hope I can find a man that will treat me as good as him." - Lady Gaga

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

5 years ago

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Emilie! Happy birthday to you!" The horrible singing voices of my friends and family fill my ears. I blow out all 16 candles on my cake, making a wish. I wish for a boy that loves me.

I open my eyes, looking out at all the people before me. Mum is standing directly in front of me, holding a small digital camera while she snaps photos. I told her not to get the camera out! I just want to have a cool 16th birthday party. With no parents hovering over everyone, offering them tarts and cookies.

"Mum," I mutter, gesturing her to stop as my face heats up.

"Sorry." She mouths, slipping away through the crowd. My Dad begins to cut the cake and I go back over to my friends. Daniel, my boyfriend swoops me up, wrapping his arms around me. Georgia, one of my best friends goes to tell me something but she is interrupted when Daniel places his lips on mine, hard. I pull away from him, not wanting to make my friends feel awkward.

"Come with me," He whispers in my ear and I nod.

"We'll be back guys," I tell my friends and they grin, sending me off.

"Use protection!" Mia, one of my good friends says and my face heats up as we walk off. I really hope Mum and Dad didn't hear that, or even Tilly. She wouldn't know what protection is anyways.

Daniel leads me up the stairs to my room and I find my hands getting all sweaty, nerves rushing through me. Is my wish going to come true? Is he really going to tell me that he loves me?

We have been together for 1 year now and he still hasn't said it. Neither have I, because he hasn't. I shouldn't be worried though. Mia said that everyone moves at their own pace. But Georgia doesn't like him, she thinks that he should've said it by now.

I had been crushing on Daniel since we met when I was 10 and he was 11. He had bleach blonde hair from behind down at the beach all the time. He still does and its so cute.

Daniel sits us down on my bed and instantly joins us for another kiss. We've made out before, yeah. We've made a lot. At parties, at his house, in the bathrooms at school during science class. He's a really good kisser too.

He deepens the kiss and I go along with, leaning back to lay on my bed. He begins to straddle me and we lay there, making out. I can't help but think about everyone downstairs for my party. What if someone is looking for me? What if they come up and see us together? Even worse, what if its Dad?

Dad is really overprotective. I can't be mad at him for it though, he just wants what's best for me and I understand that. But he doesn't really like Daniel. Not a lot of people do but its just because they don't know him as well as I do. There is a deeper side to him.

My hands move to his head, twirling his light blonde hair in my fingers as he deepens the kiss even more. I feel his hand make its way up my leg, softly touching my skin which sends a shiver up my entire body.

His hand gets to the hem of my dress and pulls it up, "Take it off." He says between breaths and I frown, pushing my dress back down.

"Daniel, not now," I tell him as he kisses my face, travelling down to place his kisses on my neck.

"Come on, Emilie. It's your 16th birthday, you're finally legal. There is no better time to do it." He removes his lips from my neck and places his hands on the bed on either side of my head.

"Are you insinuating we have sex? While everyone is downstairs?" I ask him nervously. I hadn't really thought about having sex with Daniel yet. I'm not ready. Especially not at my party.

"We've been together for a year now, it's your birthday. Consider this my birthday present to you." He places light kisses on my neck, pushing my dress up again and I shift under him awkwardly.

"Do you love me?" I ask. He stops.

"What do you mean?" He lets out a small chuckle, blinking at me.

"I mean, do you love me?" I state plainly and he sighs, looking around the room. He climbs off of me, standing up next to the bed now.

"I love you is a big thing to say." He replies.

"Sex is a big thing to do." He stays quiet, avoiding all eye contact with me. He groans, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "You can leave now." I bring my knees up to my chest, looking down at my fingers.

"What-"

"I said you can leave now, we're done, Daniel."

"Fucking bitch." He mutters before walking out of my room, slamming the door behind him, leaving me sat there, in my bed, all alone. Tears begin to fill my eyes and I let out a sob. I bury my head in my knees and my body begins to shake uncontrollably as tears cascade down my cheeks.

My makeup is going to be ruined, I can't let anyone see me looking like this. I cry, even more, knowing that everyone is still downstairs, probably not having fun. I just wanted this to be a normal Australia girls 16th. With all of my friends, loud music, drinking, no parents, no little sister, a boyfriend that actually loves me.

I hear my bedroom door creak open and footsteps come near me, "I told you to leave Daniel," I say, refusing to look up at him. I am done with him. I don't want to see him ever again.

"It's just me." I recognise the sound of my Dads voice and I look up, my face wet with tears. He sits himself down on my bed, right next to me and pulls me into his embrace.

"I don't wanna talk about it," I mumble.

"You don't have to." He replies and I let out a sob, thankful for him being here. I can't believe that after a year of being with Daniel, trying my best to make him happy, he would do this to me. After everything.

Dad and I just lie there on my bed, the only sound coming from the two of us are my sobs and his steady breath.

"When did you first realise you were in love with Mum?" I ask him, pulling apart from his embrace to look at him.

He smiles at the thought of it, "Wow... Good question." He pauses for a second then continues, "It was the moment she made me laugh. We'd been together for a few months. I took her out to dinner in the city, and I was surprised. Now, I always found her funny, but that night felt like an epiphany. It was the realisation that she was someone I genuinely loved to be around. And I wanted to be around her all the time."

I never really did love, Daniel. Maybe I just liked the idea of him loving me.