Hopeful and Hopeless

Thirteen.

"Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away." - Elvis Presley

Friday, March 30th, 2018

HUMMING TO THE TUNE OF the Gilmore Girls theme song, I take in a massive spoonful of hot soup. The soup is hot on my tongue, I reach for my glass of water to cool it down. A knock on my door interrupts my binge session and I groan, pausing the TV.

I get up from my place on the lounge and trudge my way across the floorboards. I unlock my front door, swinging it open. The cool air of the corridor of my building fills my apartment and there stands Lukas. He always turns up when I don't expect it. Maybe its because he can't text me or call me to give me any warning.

"It's been a while. I thought you got bored of me." I say, spinning on my heel to make my way back to my seat. He steps in, closing the door behind him.

"I couldn't get bored of you." He replies from behind me and I shrug. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I had to rush off for a business trip with my Dad." He places himself down on the lounge next to me. I try to breathe through my nostrils but my passages are blocked. I reach for a tissue, blowing my nose. "You're sick." He states.

"I am sick." I put the dirty tissue in the mountain of other dirty tissues that has formed. Suddenly realising how disgusting all of this must look, I jump up from my seat, grabbing all the tissues to throw them out.

"How long have you been like this?" He stays in his seat while I throw the bits of white tissue in the bin.

"A week. I had to hire someone who can look after the cafe while I'm not there." I look down at what I'm wearing. I have on grey sweatpants and an oversized red shirt that used to be my Dad's. I doesn't smell like him anymore. "Sorry, I look disgusting." I sit back down on the lounge next to him, crossing my legs.

"You don't look disgusting." He mutters, shaking his head.

"Thanks..." I push myself deeper into the lounge, nerves overcoming me. I didn't use to be so nervous around him. This two-week break without seeing has caused a rift in how spontaneous I was feeling once before. "So, you work for your Dad?" I ask

"Yeah, something like that. All of a sudden he's been pressuring me about taking over the business. I mean, since the day I was born I was told that I would take over. But, all of a sudden a month ago he started really pushing it on me. Showing me how to do what he does, taking me on sudden business trips." I sit back down on the lounge next to him, picking up my soup to try eating again. I take in a big spoonful and it has definitely cooled down by now. But, it tastes like powder. It's only fair though, it is soup from a cup. I put it back down next to me in rejection.

"Is that what you want to do?"

"I haven't really had a chance to think about what I want to do. My whole life has been that. I mean, I'd love to be an English teacher. That seems pretty cool." He leans back into the couch, shrugging.

"Then be an English teacher."

"It's not that easy."

"Lukas, you are your own person, you know that right?" He nods, "So, you get to choose what you do in your life. You are really smart and funny and nice and great with people. You could do anything if you wanted to." I tell him and he smiles weakly, giving me a little nod.

"Thanks, Em." For some reason, every time he calls me that, it causes a field of butterflies in my stomach.

"So... Ah, why are you here anyway?" I ask.

"Oh, right yeah. I came here to invite you to a wedding. My cousin's wedding to be more specific." His question shocks me. Is being invited to a family members wedding supposed to be a romantic gesture. Isn't that something you do with your partner?