Hopeful and Hopeless

Sixteen.

"Sometimes, what you're looking for is already there." - Aretha Franklin

Friday, April 6th, 2018

A SUDDEN SENDE OF DEJA VU washes over me, I was in the exact place two days ago. Just not in a fancy dress and heels. I step forward, ringing the doorbell nervously. How could I not be nervous? I'm not going to know anyone at the wedding today besides Lukas and his family and also Finn because apparently, he's coming too?

I just hope, I pray that this day goes smoothly.

The front door clicks and swings open to reveal Mr Berkeley. He is standing tall wearing a black suit and tie. His dark greying hair is slicked back and neat and he adjusts his cufflinks.

"Emilie." He extends his hand for me, keeping his face stern. Wouldn't it be a bummer to be so tense all the time? He and his wife really are different. I wonder where Lukas is.

"Mr Berkeley." I shake his hand with a smile. He invites me into their home and my white heels click on the marble tiles underneath me. It makes me feel so fancy. I don't know what it is about the click of heels that feels so empowering. But it does.

I follow Mr Berkeley into the kitchen and dining room where the rest of the family is waiting.

Avery and Anna are sitting together, fixing up each others hair. They aren't wearing matching dresses, thank god. Twins who wear matching clothes freak me out a little. Lukas' back is to me as he checks his watch. He is wearing a dark grey suit with a white shirt underneath. Just the sight of him makes me so nervous.

Eleanor is the first to see me and her eyes widen, "Oh my! You look stunning!" She rushes towards me. My face heats up and I look down at my shoes, shuffling my feet around awkwardly.

"Thank you, Eleanor. You are gorgeous as always." I admire her. She is wearing a light pink flowy dress that goes down to her knees and her hair is up in a loose bun.

I look behind her, my eyes connecting with Lukas'. He just stands there, his gaze fixed on me. He looks me up and down and I blush.

"Well, we better head off. We don't want to be late." Mr Berkeley says from behind me and I turn around to face him.

"You're coming with me in my car." I hear Lukas say from behind me and my face heats up even more. I'm going with Lukas. In his car. Excuse me for acting like a teenager again but the butterflies in my stomach are going mad. Only lately, I've been feeling some type of way when I'm around him. I know I don't want to feel this way, I cant. But, I just can't seem to push it away.

"Cool," I reply simply. Nice one.

"Alright, girls. Let's go!" Eleanor says and the girls stop what they're doing and follow after their mother, looking like two 12-year-old versions of her. The four of them are out the front door quickly, leaving just Lukas and me.

I turn on my heels to face him, "You're beautiful, Emilie." He tells me, looking me up and down. I fold my arms across my body, feeling awkward at the fact that he's looking at me so intently.

"Thank you, Lukas. You're not so bad yourself." I rock back and forth on my heels. His tie is slightly crooked and in a sudden burst of OCD, I step forward and reach for his neck to fix it up. I adjust it and look up at him, the proximity between us is so close. I don't think I have ever been this close to his face before.

I take this as my chance to study each of his features, his freckles, little hairs, the lines in his face. I recognise the scar right above his eyebrow from his cat-attack and I reach up to touch it. I brush my thumb over the scar slowly and he stays still, looking into my eyes. Suddenly realising how weird this must be for him, I step backwards.