Hopeful and Hopeless

Eighteen.

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley

Friday, April 6th, 2018

Lukas

I WATCH HER WALK OFF, her heels clicking on the ground and her messy hair bobbing up and down. I squeeze my fists together, contemplating whether to go after her or not. She has made it clear that she didn't want me with her. But all I want to do is run up to her and hold her, tight and not let her go.

A feeling at the bottom of my gut tells me that she was trying to say goodbye to me, for good. There is no way I am going to let that happen though.

What could have happened? She was fine before, talking to Josie, smiling, having a good time. It's like a switch completely flipped in her.

She was talking to my Father before she flipped out on me. And knowing his deceiving ways, he has something to do with it. Curling my fists together, I turn quickly, nearing the entrance to the building again. I swing the door open, stepping inside, wiping the small tears on my face before looking around in an attempt to find him.

I spot him across the room, talking to my Mum and I saunter on over to the two of them. Mum notices me and her smile drops when she sees my dark glare aimed towards my father. When I get to them, my Mother puts her hand on my arm but I brush it off, "What did you say to her?" I asked, clenching my fists so hard that my nails dig into my palms.

"What did I say to who?" He asks, chuckling, sending my Mum a shrug.

I run my hands over my face and chuckle, shaking my head, "Emilie. She just left. What did you say to her?" I step closer to him and Mums eye widen, looking between the two of us.

"What do you mean, Emilie left? Is she okay?" She asks, genuinely worried for her. I am too. Firstly I'm not comfortable with her making her own way home, I wanted to take her home tonight. And secondly, I have no idea what is going on in her mind right now and I want to be the one to help her through whatever is happening. But, right now, I'm here.

"I don't know, Joseph," I pause, looking at my father, "do you know?"

"I had a word with her." He finally says, nodding his head slowly. I narrow my eyes at him, urging him to finish, "All she is, is a distraction." He presses his lips together and shrugs. It takes everything in me not to punch him right now, in front of every here.

"What the fuck do you mean by that? She isn't a distraction." I shake my head, looking at him directly in the eyes. I desperately search for some form of regret. The past 22 years of my life with him as my father have been torture, yet he doesn't feel the slightest bit sorry for it.

"If one day you are going to take over the-" He begins, his voice deep and stern.

"I'm not fucking taking over the school, Joseph!" I shout, catching the attention of the people surrounding us. My face is hot with rage and I flare my nostrils.

Finn and Josie stand next to us, watching us in concern. My Dad's fast twists with anger and he stand up straight, "That is no way to talk to your own Father." He says, disgust evident in his voice. He doesn't love me, he never did. No matter how often I tried to convince myself that I had a Father who loved me, I knew he didn't. I don't even think he is capable of loving anyone.

"We are way past that, Joseph." I spit with anger. Mum steps out of the conversation, retreating to Finn and Josie. "You are not my Father, I never had one." I snap at him.

"But blood-"

"Blood means nothing when you were never there." I spit, tears pricking at my eyes, "Now, what did you say to Emilie?" He casually leans on a chair next to him, as casual as ever. Oh, how I would love to punch his smug face in.