Infatuated Bliss

Toxic

Dear Anxiety,
You were one of the first to ever hold me
The first to ever let me speak with another
You took my mind off of my abusive brother
When I had cried
You had listened
Filling my mind with a conversation
The only ones who could hear me
Within this whole damned nation
I was broken and lonely
How could you even still love me
How could you even stand to be
When a family
Couldn't even show it
An abusive relationship
You may have been there
But you were the one that ripped out all of this air
You told me to put this gun in my mouth
The last time I spoke to you
You were begging for a way out
As I spoke
You told me to ignore my phone
Leave them hanging
Don't need them when this body will probably be hanging
You were the one that claimed to rid me of my insecurities
My life isn't a charity
It's not for you to tear apart the pieces
Then give it away in hope to solve the depression of another
When I can't even do anything for my suicidal mother
You were there
This game wasn't fair
Wronged because of a dare
Please stop suffocating this corpse and give me some air
It took me so long to realize the abuse
The fact that I was used
And yet, I'd always choose to go back to you
Because you forced everyone else out of my life
No one to help me fight
No ally
So now I have to be the one to die

I still have so much to say
But how can I when I'm so afraid
When there are the pills
Let my body be still

Sincerely,
Your Shell