POTION ✔

Chapter 30: Lies and Anxieties

Lies and Anxieties

Ariana's POV

Jaxxon stared at me, taken aback by my question. Clearly, he wasn't expecting me to start talking about my dad or even a brother he never even knew of.

"You have a brother? Where is he?" Tanong nito.

"I don't know. Heaven, maybe?" Sagot ko.

Jaxxon looked at me, still confused as to why I started to talk about it now. Everyone knew about my dad pero wala ni isa sa mga kaibigan ko ang may alam tungkol sa half brother ko. That topic is very sensitive to all of us, specially mom who still gets nightmares about a son she misses but doesn't remember.

"Alright, tell me about them." He replied and pulled me to his chest while resting his chin over my head.

"Let's start with my father. Hindi ko na siya matandaan kasi two years old palang ako nang mamatay siya. I miss him and I've always wondered how it feels to have a father but I guess it wasn't that painful for me as much as what my mom felt for losing a husband. I was too young back then to understand what happened. Noong bata pa ako lagi kong tinatanong si mama kung kelan darating si papa. I even used to write him a letter every father's day and give it to my mom asking her to give it to dad. It went on until I was six. And I'm so guilty whenever I remember those times because I only made it harder for mom.  I've seen pictures of him and believe me, he's a really good looking man. Kaya siguro ang ganda ko." Biro ko upang pagaanin ang tensyon. Jaxxon only chuckled.

I kept silent for a few seconds with Jaxxon holding me close, rubbing my back soothingly as if he shares my pain and longing.

"Even when I was a teenager, I refused to believe that he's dead. When I was fourteen, I used to wonder and tell myself that my dad is still alive. Na baka sumama lang siya sa ibang babae kaya hindi na siya bumalik sa amin ni mama. I have these thoughts in my head but I guess, his graveyard doesn't lie and I slowly realized he really is not coming back and that he's been long gone." I paused for a moment, feeling Jaxxon draw me closer. His father is also gone, I don't know if he meant he was dead or if he only left. There's one thing for sure though, he can at least relate to me. He stayed silent so I think it's my cue to continue.

"That's why I admire my mom so much for going through all of the downfalls in her life. Before me and dad, my mom already has an awful tragedy. You see, si papa ang pangalawang asawa ni mama. Bago pa kami ni papa ay may una na siyang pamilya. I don't resent her for that because it was even before us. My mom was pregnant with a baby boy from her first husband but unfortunately, the baby died upon birth and then she got into an accident resulting to an amnesia and she met my dad and had me. So she doesn't remember her past life, kung sino ang unang asawa niya, kung bakit sila naghiwalay at kung nasaan na siya ngayon. No one really know about what happened aside from my grandma who already passed away before she could even tell my mom about everything." I tried to stop the tears, feeling sorry for my mom but I couldn't. It's just too painful for me everytime I think of what my mom had been through.

"My mom is still living in a life of wonder. Linggo-linggong bumibisita si mama sa libingan ng kapatid ko. She feels so guilty and sorry to his son for forgetting him for not remembering how he looked and..." I sobbed and felt Jaxxon tense beside me as he kept me close. "She get these anxieties and nightmares. She might not remember her son, but the pain of losing a child is still there."

I feel comfortable telling this with Jaxxon than anyone else. I never cried about my brother or opened up about my mom with other people but I'm breaking down like this in front of him.

After crying like a child, I finally wiped my tears away and tried to smile at Jaxxon who had a concern look. His eyes held new emotions I haven't seen before.