POTION ✔

Chapter 35: Vulnerable Soul

Vulnerable Soul

Ariana's POV

My hand was on the doorknob and was about to leave his house when I felt his strong arms around me, his chin resting over my shoulder inhaling my scent. I wiped the tears away and tried to control my voice as I spoke.

"Jaxxon I have something to do."

"I'm sorry. Don't leave." He whispered. "I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay, Jaxxon." I replied, wiping another tear.

"F*ck, are you crying?" He must've heard the crack in my voice and tried to turn me around but I held his hands on my stomach to stop him. I don't want him to see me crying. He's pretty worked up from his grandfather and I don't want him to feel worse from making me cry.

Ang dapat na kainisan ko ay ang sarili ko at hindi si Jaxxon. Why am I crying over something like that when I know he didn't mean it?

"Damnit! I'm so f*cking sorry, baby." He burried his head on my neck and squeezed me tighter.

"Ano ka ba, ayos lang ako. I know you didn't mean it." Sinubukan kong alisin ang mga kamay niya pero mas lalo lang humigpit ang hawak niya. Akala siguro nito ay aalis ako. We stayed silent just holding each other for a few minutes before he spoke.

"My dad.... He killed himself." He muttered all of a sudden. I didn't know what he was talking about until I start realizing what he mean. "He-"

"Jaxxon, you don't have to feel the need to tell me that." I was shocked at what he said. He was talking about his father and I feel like I'm forcing him to tell me just because I had an outbreak. I don't want him to feel pressured.

"I want to. I have to."

Naramdaman kong may kung anong tumulo sa leeg ko kasabay ng mahinang paghikbi mula kay Jaxxon. He was crying. Gusto kong humarap dito at yakapin siya pero mahigpit ang hawak nito sa akin, tila ba ayaw ipaka ang mukha niya habang umiiyak.
"I was five when he shot himself in the head. I was in the same room with him. I still remember it like it happened yesterday. I could still hear the sound of the gun and the loud thud as his body fell on the ground, lifeless. Then there was the blood, it was all over the room, my face and my clothes, they were all tainted with red. Even as a child, I know my daddy is a sad man. He was depressed. I didn't know before but I know that now. I used to think he doesn't love me because he never talked to me. I thought he hated me but most of all he hated my grandfather. As a child, I watched as he forces daddy to go to the office, to be a good lawyer like him, to forget about mommy, to be a person he doesn't want to and maybe he was the reason why my daddy killed himself. And I blame him for that." Jaxxon sobbed.

Turning around, I held him in a tight embrace as I let him cry. Hindi ko mapigilang maiyak din. Hindi ko lubos maisip na sa murang edad ay naranasan niya ang ganong klaseng bagay. How cruel it is for a child to witness his father's death?

"I hated my grandfather for letting my dad's depression consume himself. He shouldve put more attention to his dying son than his f*cking law firm! He should've done something to save his son's life! And then he acted like his son didn't kill himself. How can he move on just like that? But most of all I hated my dad. Bakit? Bakit kailangan niyang magpakamatay? Hindi man lang ba niya ako naisip bago niya ginawa 'yon? Hindi man lang ba niya naisip na may anak siyang iiwan? And to my mom, she should've stayed with us then maybe my dad will still be alive. But most of all, why did she gave birth to me if she's just going to leave me?! Why is everybody leaving me? Am I worth leaving behind?"

"No..." I shook my head as I sobbed with him. I could feel his pain, the hatred and the longing. I could feel them all like they were my own. I hate seeing him like this.