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*~Alexandria~*
I'm so ashamed of myself. I had one moment of weakness and I was about to end it all, and for what? Because I got my feelings hurt? Because everyone around me was keeping a secret that they knew I would find out eventually?
I am better than this.
What would've happened if I actually died? I wouldn't have been able to see my sweet baby Halo grow up. I wouldn't have been around to see Blue and Frost get married and start a family, if that was the route they planned to take one day.
There are so many things that I would've missed, all because I had that one moment of weakness.
"Alex?" I heard, as I opened my eyes and saw my dad standing over me. He had tears in his eyes, still wearing the tux he had on at the gala, except his bow tie was gone and his shirt was unbuttoned at the top. "I can't believe you tried to do this." His voice held so much hurt and anger in it, that it literally brought tears to my eyes. I looked away from him, allowing a single tear to slip from my eyes as I inhaled deeply.
"You wouldn't understand." I murmured, sounding hoarse and manly. Hell, I didn't even recognize my own voice.
"Try me." I closed my eyes, wishing that he would just go away, but I knew that wouldn't happened.
"If Damien's mother would've abandoned him, leaving you to take care of him, but you then find out that she's been around all along and not only that...but I knew about it. How would you feel?" I asked him. I didn't even have to look at him to know that he was pondering the question in his head, probably regretting doing what he did.
"I'd feel...hurt and betrayed." He answered. "Not only that, but I'd be disappointed in you because I'm sure you'd be the one that watched me suffer for months, while putting on a brave face and doing what I had to do to provide for my family."
"Yep, exactly. Everything you just describe is exactly how I felt when I did this, and you of all people knew how hurt I was and you just decided to add on to that pain." I turned away from him, closing my eyes, as I let the tears flow.
"Alex..." He began, but I cut him off.
"Just leave." There was nothing he could do or say that would make me change the way I felt about him right now. Why couldn't he have just left me in that dumpster the night he found me? Sure, I probably would've been eaten alive by cockroaches, but at least I wouldn't have been dealing with all these emotions that I was dealing with.
"I love you, Alex. I'm going to make it up to you, I promise." He said, as he left the room. I covered my face and cried harder, wiping my tears away, as I took a deep breath. I was tired of crying. If I'm being honest...I was tired of everything at the moment.
A few minutes later, I heard the door open once again, but I didn't bother turning around to see who it was. I just assumed that it was Uncle Robin or Blue and Frost, but I was wrong. The moment he spoke, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and I'm not really sure if that was a good or bad thing.
"Alex?" I turned around, glaring at him, as he looked back at me. His icy blue eyes showed how concerned and nervous he was, which he should be, especially since I was about to lose my shit towards him.
"Why are you here?" I asked him.
"Because I was exactly where you were a few weeks ago and I'm worried about you. I know you hate me, and trust me...I hate myself just as much, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stay away from you. I hate to break it to you, Alexandria, but I'm back and I'm not going anywhere." He said, making me roll my eyes.
"Mhm, yeah. You say that now, but as soon as Harley says jump...you'll jump." He walked up to the bed, placing his hands behind my neck, pressing down on a tender spot; making me hiss as I jumped a little. "What the hell!"
"That tender spot is where Harley injected you with that nanite. At the time, you were pregnant and I didn't want to risk anything happening to you or Halo, but I made sure that Harley destroyed that device that controlled the nanite and ensured your safety. Yours and your father's." I looked up at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes, as I quickly looked away from him.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked him. "Why didn't you just come to me and tell me what was going on? Or at least tell me in that fucked up ass letter you left me!"
"Harley watched me write that letter, which is why I said all of those mean and horrible things to you. I didn't mean anything I wrote, Alex. From the moment Harley cornered me at the club that night, she didn't let me out of her sight, and I wanted to be gone before you got there." He explained, making the tears swell up in my eyes once again. That night was still fresh in my mind and believe it or not...I still had that letter. I read it almost every single day, crying my eyes out, and falling asleep with it crumbled up against my chest. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Alex, but I did anyways and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I missed out on your pregnancy and the birth of our daughter, and I almost lost you to that blonde haired pretty boy." I laughed a little, shifting my body, so that I was now facing him. I had to admit, seeing him under this fluorescent lighting, I couldn't deny how handsome sane Joker was. Sure, I'll miss the green hair, sexy tattoos, and the crimson red lipstick, but I could definitely get used to Jack.
"You really tried to kill yourself?" I asked him. He sighed and nodded his head.
"A couple of times." He pulled a chair up and sat down, moving a lose strand of hair out of my face.
"Why?"
"The guilt of everything I did over the years...it was too much for me to bear, and I wanted to die. The only thing that kept me going was seeing your beautiful face again, along with our daughter. That, and the strong drugs that those doctors continued to dope me up with." He told me. "If it wasn't for Bruce though...there's no telling what would've happened to me. He really got me through this, and he did it just for you."
"I highly doubt that." I scoffed. "But I'm happy to know that he was there for you during your lowest point. He never even came to see me when I was in Arkham, so consider yourself lucky."
"Let's not reminisce on the past, kitten. Let's talk about the present and hopefully the future." He caressed my cheek, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. "Tell me about Halo." I smiled at the thought of my sweet, beautiful baby girl.
"She's amazing. She's the cutest, happiest, and funniest baby I know, and I am proud to call her mine. Well...ours." I corrected myself. "Her full name is Halo Destiny Wayne, she's six months old, and she loves applesauce, bouncy time, and chewing on her toes." His smile widened, as I went on and on about Halo, going into detail about my pregnancy and all the pros and cons that came with it.
For the first time in a year...I finally felt complete, and it was no secret why that was. Despite the predicament that I'm currently in, I hope that I could get through this and possibly find a way to get back on track with both Jack and my dad.
