He Was My Junior

CHAPTER 17: Two paths

I had already spent months crying in room, I had gained too much weight, my face seemed so much fluffy, like a steroid addict. I was diagnosed with clinical depression. But a bird must come out of the nest right? I made a firm decision to grow in life. Enough of this depression. I wanted to show to the whole world, the power of a woman.
I started developing computer programs. I started to work hard. I had written  Loser on my wall, so that everytime I see it, I start to work more efficiently. It was Kuldeep who took me out of my depression. Yeah, he was the one who gave me the spirit to do things. We both started a company and we named it FUTURE TECH.
         Kuldeep became more close to me than we used to be in college. I used to remember Rahul and cry, thinking about the days we spent together. Every emotional song, every romantic movie reminded me of him. If I hear any song that I listened when I was with Rahul became memories to me. When ever I hear those songs it used to make me sick. Life seemed to move on slowly.
          It was already 2 years since Rahul left me. My company was getting so many offers to merge with big companies. I was earning in crores, I never knew I had this potential. But a women is incomplete they said, My parents. I should marry soon. But I didn't know weather I was ready or not. I put  hold on Marriage and started working more harder day by day.
         We brought a building recently and my cabin was on the top floor of the building, it was surrounded by transparent glass instead of walls in the back of my seat, which gave a magnificent view of the city. "You don't have to work this much". Kuldeep said, As he entered into my cabin.
"This new program had some glitches, I was running a test on it", I said.
"It's 8:00 'o' clock in the night", He said. Worried. "Okay first tell me what are you doing till now". I asked knowing that Kuldeep was also working hard.
"Fine....", he smiled at me. " Let's go and have dinner somewhere good", he said. He holded his hands infront of me to take it. I smiled at him. I shut down the computer and took his hands, raised up from the chair. We both looked outside the building which gave us the view of beautiful city with lights scattered all over the place.
             He took me to one of my favourite restaurants. Kuldeep knew my favourite dishes by now, so it was obvious that i didn't have to tell him again. He himself ordered for both of us and  I started enjoying my food. Kuldeep was not bad after all, he was just jealous at first that Rahul came in between me and him. I liked the way Kuldeep treated me. It was not like Rahul. But still he was more than caring, which a girl would expect her to care. Oh god! Now why am I comparing Kuldeep with Rahul? I am stupid, I thought.
           "What's bothering you", he asked. Nothing, some unimportant things". I looked at him for a moment and drank a sip of water.
"You wouldn't be thinking if it was unimportant". He looked at me. I couldn't bare his look, I turned away. "Look me in the eyes", he asked. I turned towards him. "Now say me", he asked again.  "It's about Rahul", I said. Tears filled my eyes. I dropped the spoon on the plate from my grip. I wiped my tears from the tissue paper kept on the table. "You can't live like this", he said. "I know". "Then why are you still worrying about Rahul?" "I don't know". What ever I see, what I ever I think, Everything ends up to Rahul". "When everything's going perfect, that's when life throws the difficulty at us. You are a very strong woman. You can forget him", He said.
I don't know in what sense Kuldeep said that I am a strong woman! Am I? I seem to be strong, but only I know how much hard is it to spend the night. I can do some stuff in the morning. I can work, I can speak to someone, or may be some funny programs. But in the night.... It's different. It's difficult. There's no one to speak something, not possible to work. That's why I started to leave the office very late. Watching me go through all this, Kuldeep started to stay late, too. I don't know should I pity for him, or should I scold him to mind his own business and stop caring me. Even his age was not a constant thing. He was not accepting any marriage proposals, too. I didn't know what was he planning about his marriage.
We had dinner, came out of the restaurant. Kuldeep said he would drop me to my house, so I didn't bring my car. It was already 11:00 in the night, so the traffic was not that much.
     Kuldeep was silent. He was thinking something very deeply. He didn't speak to me since he started driving. He used to speak so much even while he is doing something important. But today he seemed lost. I didn't disturb him because even I wanted to be silent. I liked the silence between us. The more he asks something, more I miss Rahul. So it was better this way.
In about half an hour, we reached to my place. Kuldeep stopped the car, turned towards me looking with pity eyes.
"What happened?" I asked. "Manisha..... I know you loved Rahul, you may still feel something for him, But he is gone. You must move on in my life. I don't know how to say this.....", He paused for a second and waited for my reaction. "Yeah....?". He cleared his throat. " Will you marry me?" He asked. I didn't know what to reply now? I was stunned by his question. Is it the right time to ask for this? I don't know. I know I must move on in my life, but isn't it too early? Should I say no? I can't believe Kuldeep just asked to marry me.
"It's okay, please take your time", he said.
"No Kuldeep, there is nothing to think". "I will wait", he said. "I can't marry you, I am really sorry. I couldn't forget Rahul till now, may be I will never forget him. Is it okay for you, if I didn't love you and still marry you?" I asked. He seemed very sad. He didn't say much. He just smiled at me. I could see tears filling in his eyes. But what can I do? I really never thought of marrying Kuldeep. He was my good friend, best. Indeed. I thought Kuldeep's feelings for me died when I was committed to relationship with Rahul. I never loved Kuldeep. As a friend, yes. But as a husband? Can I handle it? How wierd it would be if I marry him. I think I should just go and take rest. I felt really tired now.
"I am tired. I will talk to you tomorrow", I said. "It's okay, no problem".
I came inside my flat and I just laid on my bed. The moonlight fell on me through the window. I could still recall the moment I spent with Rahul on the mountains, Below the moon. How he promised me, he shall never leave me. Why did you do this? Why life became so hard on me. Why this fate became so cruel? He could have atleast gave me the reason for why he left me. Then, may be I could love someone else, or marry. He left me without even saying a goodbye. Oh, may be he thought goodbye hurts. He could have come and told me in front of me that he doesn't want to marry me. But he left me. Alone. Making me lonely. Depressed. Perhaps it was for the best. May be Kuldeep was the one for me. It was all questions for me. It was just may be.