Rebel Yell

Chapter 22: Run To You

The afternoon of Brendan's funeral had come. It was pouring rain and chilly out from the wind. Jack and I stood under an umbrella that Jack had brought and was holding up over the both of us. Jack looked pissed, like he wanted to cry but nothing was coming out except anger. Everyone else was crying and holding each other, while I was standing there feeling nothing but guilt. I shouldn't be here right now... this is my boyfriend's fault that Brendan is gone. The child Amy is currently carrying will never meet his or her father now.

Though it was raining and the weather made this day even more depressing, it was still a beautiful funeral. Brendan's casket was a cherry oak red and his casket was covered in white flowers. Jack's anger went away from his face as they began to lower Brendan's casket in the ground. I stared down at Jack's hand, watching as it trembled. Without any hesitation, I took Jack's hand and intertwined our fingers together, caressing his hand with my thumb. Jack sighed, finally looking at me. I gave him a weak smile before resting my head on his shoulder.

After the funeral, Jack and I drove to his motel as it was only down the street from where I worked. He offered to give me a ride to work but if he did... he'd be beat worse than he beat up Joe.. or worse, dead.

"I'm sorry about Brendan..." I whispered as we got out of his car.

"I'm sorry that you can't see the bigger picture here." Jack hissed as he stomped over towards his motel room door.

I scoffed, "That's not fair!"

"No!" Jack exclaimed, turning back around to face me, "You know what's not fair? Watching someone you love stay with some fucking gang leader!"

"I love him..." I whimpered staring down at the ground.

"No you don't." Jack laughed in disbelief.

I shot my head up and glared at him, "Yes I do! I see past all of the wrong he does and love him for what he does right."

"Oh how adorable." Jack mumbled.

"Fuck you!" I exclaimed not having any valid argument at this point.

Jack spun back around and chuckled, shaking his head as he slowly approached me. I gritted my teeth and curled my fists into balls. My blood was boiling. How could he seriously be starting shit with me right after Brendan's funeral.

"Why are you even here Amber?" Jack asked coolly.

"Hey!" An older man shouted from his motel room door, "Go fight somewhere else! I'm watching my show!"

"Shut up!" Jack and I both roared at him.

"What do you mean?!" I started looking back at Jack, "I told you I was coming with you to Brendan's funeral."

Jack shrugged, "I mean right now. You're indecisive."

"Excuse me?" I scoffed. "I'm not fucking indecisive, Jack. I know what I want. I want Billy. Regardless of everything he's done. I want Billy."

"Really? Then why did you run to me last night? If Billy is who you want and you accept him for all the wrong shit he does to you...then why are you still standing here? You didn't have to come with me to Brendan's funeral and you know it." Jack hissed, blowing my cover.

The rain was coming down even harder than it was before. I could feel my mascara running down my face and my hair that I had curled loose curls for Brendan's funeral, was now a saturated, limp and flat mess. My clothes were soaked and I was somehow no longer cold. Jack's messy hair had even fell limp, his hair framing his face. I was speechless for once in my life... unsure of what to do or say. He nailed it. What was I doing here? I am an indecisive stupid girl who doesn't know what she wants in life.

"I don't know!" I whimpered, throwing my arms up in the air. "I don't fucking know."

"You don't know?" Jack asked narrowing his eyes at me.

"I just-, I don't know! I don't know. Here I am. I'm still trying to accept the fact that I'm in love with a murdering, ruthless, drug dealing gang leader. Like I don't know. Old me would have ran the other way if he would have grabbed me by my throat like he did... but instead I ran to him. Who am I? What am I doing? What is-"

I was cut off by Jack stomping towards me, cupping my face in his hands and crashing his lips down on mine. I stared up at Jack wide eyed and shocked as he kissed me. Then the strangest thing happened... Well.. not really...

I closed my eyes and kissed him back.

Within seconds we were in Jack's motel room, lips locked and kissing like this was our first time. Our wet clothes ripped off within seconds and thrown limply on his floor. Everything about Jack was ten times more gentler than Billy was. With Jack, it felt like he was "making love" to me where with Billy it was basically every girls dream of rough and wild sex. I love Billy... beyond words. But I also love Jack beyond words. Oh my God. I'm a whore. I'm a two timing, slut. No. Yes. No. Yeah, I am.

Jack had music playing, ironically the one song that caught my attention was Bryan Adam's "Run To You".

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When I woke up, I was laying next to Jack in his bed. A weird sense of security took over me as I just laid there, watching him sleep. I pulled the sheet up to my chest and smiled to myself as I stared at Jack. I traced my fingertips along Jack's cheek, trying to wake him up but it wasn't happening. I gently blew on his nose under he blinked his eyes a few times. He grumbled and closed his eyes again, wrapping his arm around me.

"Wake up" I cooed.

Jack just pulled me closer to him and continued to sleep. I sighed and laid there for a few more minutes before I gently moved his arm off of me and climbed out of bed and got dressed. I stared at myself in the mirror and felt disgusted. Disgusted at the fact that I just cheated on Billy.. and disgusted with myself that I jumped into things with Billy while my heart was still with Jack. Jack was just waking up as I was putting my black heeled boots, getting ready to leave. He sat up and kicked his legs over the bed, jumping up and pulling his jeans back on, making me blush as I watched.

"You're leaving aren't you?" He mumbled as he put a cigarette in between his lips and searched the room for a lighter.

"I have to work in an hour... and shouldn't you be hitting the road like you said you were going to be?" I questioned trying to change the subject.

"Come with me." He said eagerly.

"Jack..." I whispered.

Jack sighed and looked down at the floor, "You're staying with him aren't you?"

"Things didn't work out for you and I before..." I trailed off with a heavy heart.

"Because you didn't let it work, Amber. I was trying to cope with the loss the best way I knew how... I'm sorry." He whispered, walking closer to me and staring down at me.

"I don't blame you for what happened between us Jack...I just wanted to find myself." I stated.

"I'm leaving, Amber..." Jack said firmly, holding his head up high. "...This why be the last time we see each other huh?"

"...Yeah" I winced.

Jack's eyes fell to the ground as he nodded, stepping back away from me. I winced again as I watched the hurt creep upon Jack's face. A huge part of me wanted to wrap my arms around him and cry into his shoulder while the other part of me told me to be smart and just walk away instead of inflicting even more pain than I already have on him. With that... I turned around slowly, opened the door and began to walk away, tears pouring out of my eyes. That was the last time I'd ever see him again...