Unexpected Love [Completed]

Chapter 6: Utterly done

I don't understand how my mom can yell at me for talking to guys but when I talk to Avi she doesn't say a word. Why? Why do I get this feeling when I think of him? It's this weird fuzzy feeling in my stomach and my heart becomes so light and I get this urge to just laugh and smile. I feel like I've never truly felt like this before when it comes to guys. I've never felt not guilty about crushing on someone. I've never felt so ... I don't even know how to describe it.

Avi is the only boy I know that my mom will call by his name, not [insert aunty's name]'s son. she knows his name. She praises him like he's her son. Oh Avi is so smart or he's so hardworking. He does this for mandir and still does all this work for school. He's so focused.

My dad said this boy is like him, so focused and able to multitask. It's almost annoying how much of a perfect person Avi is.

I want to hate him for it but how can I?He's so pure in a sense, so ....so much like the type of person that has become so rare in this day and age.

Someone who respects elders, who not only learns the shastras, but follows it too.

Someone who focuses on schoolwork so he can have more time to prepare for mandir, someone who loves to sing, who is kind to everyone.

Someone who is either serious and focused, or happy and friendly, willing to help every chance he gets.

Someone whose pure at heart. Who every parent wishes they had a child like.

I can't hate him for it. Even if I tried. I love him too much because of these things. There are so few people who are pure like that nowadays. Instead of hate I get overwhelmed by this desire to protect him, get to know him, and be a part of his life, to see within his life. this has never happened to me before, and I don't know if it's because of how kind his family is to me. or if it's more.

I've always had this broken part of me despite being a part of a loving family and having a good life. I let it take over, consuming my heart and making me feel completely broken. And I always thought someone would see that part and piece it back together. But no matter what's happened, I think I'm fixed, but that brokenness hides in the temporary happiness.

But that pure contentment, that santosh was unreachable. But recently, since I've begun to notice him and I've become closer to his family, I feel like I've found it.

And this isn't like those other crushes because I didn't feel happy until after I started talking to them. But I aspire to be like Avi (unlike the others). I want to be a part of his goodness.

When I hear people question him, saying he's so quiet and unsociable or how he hogs all the work at mandir so only he gets credit for it, I get angry and defensive. Even my parents say good things about him. Even they question why anyone would say anything against him.

My first reaction to learning about these horrible remarks towards my Avi was why. Why would anyone wish any bad on someone who once you meet him, you can't help but feel a little bit better.

But after some thinking and contemplating, I've realized it's jealousy. He doesn't do wrong. He helps and helps and helps. When your child is the complete opposite, you get angry and wish this perfect child messes up so you don't feel bad for your kid.

But not every child can have such a heart, such a jiva. Avi was born into a good, kind family. A family who always supports good. It was how he was raised. And he works hard so he deserves good things.

He and his family remind me of warm summery days with bright blue skies and puffy white clouds, and a shining sun and a cool breeze. They remind me of true, pure happiness. The kind a baby feels, with no dark edges to it.

I know I know, I sound cheesy and naive, and lovestruck. But I know I don't love him. No, I know I'm not in love with him. There are just some good people.