Unexpected Love [Completed]

Chapter 20: Ouch

That night Damon told me that he'd collect on his debts until he got into an actual relationship. Me being the dumbass I am, agreed to it. Why am I so dumb?

But today he didn't do anything. He barely talked to me.

I should accept this. Accept this now. I need to get over this before it gets out of hand. But Jacob and Nate and Nandini have hope. Jacob thinks I can do this.

We came up with a plan too. Get into his head, get him to think about me. And he'd pick me over Lana. Jacob swore that Lana didn't like Damon but he'd use his connections to find out more. I don't know.

I need to be honest with myself.

I like him. I like Damon. I know I do.

We're friends. With some benefits.

But he claims he likes Lana, his best friend. And I'm starting to see that he does.

She doesn't seem to like him though. But she's one of those less emotion showing types so who knows for sure.

Why am I friends with benefits with him?

Because I want a connection to him. In some form, which is better than none. I'd hoped we'd get close enough that he'd like me, but now...I don't know. I don't think he will. Because I think he genuinely likes her.

And I'm afraid she doesn't like him. I don't want him to get rejected and lose his best friend.

But is that jealousy speaking? or do I really see that? I want to text him and ask him but I can't. Not yet.

I feel the butterflies, I feel my heart stop. I feel this inexplicable feeling around him. I want to be with him. I want to be the one he laughs with, and talks to. I want to special to him.

Why can't he like me? Why did I choose this time to get to know him? when he's almost with his best friend?

Why me? Why now? Why did he have to kiss me?

Things escalated too quickly. I know.

I don't know what to do. I need advice but from who? Who will truly give me advice that's best for my heart? I want to see him. I want to be with him. And I think the reason I even let this whole thing happen was because it was the only way for me to get close.

It was stupid. and I hurt. but I can't even break down. I can't cry because it was all my fault. I let him crawl into my heart. I let this happen again. Over and over and over again.

I should be tired of heartache. I should just wait.

But when I'm around him, all rational thought flies out the window. This restlessness overcomes me and I can hardly breathe. When I think of him, I smile.

This was supposed to work. This was supposed to be easy. So why isn't it? Why can't we just be casual? Why does he act so weird around me now? What has changed so... oh my god.

He's stopped flirting with other girls. He doesn't really touch any girl. He told me that he was only flirting around to find a girl he likes. Even if that sounds really dumb and fucked up.

Don't worry. I yelled at him not to do that because some girls might take his flirting seriously.

Anyways, he stopped flirting because he found a girl.

Lana.

He really does like her.

And he kept telling me over and over how he doesn't like me. He kept asking for reassurance that I don't like him. I'm a fool. He really does like her. That's why he didn't talk to me today. He wants us done. He doesn't want us to be anything.

Because he wants Lana.

He really does like her. Did I say that already?

I'm sorry, I'm in a mood.

I sat on my bed, staring at the ceiling thinking about all of this. Holy shit. I'm dumb.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. I can do this. I'm going to be okay!

I have to ask him what stage we're at. I won't come in between him and his girl. Seeing him happy will be reward enough.

Tears started to blur my vision. But I blinked them back. I thought of his lips on mine. Just for a moment I imagined him doing it again and saying, "I like you."

I'd smile and hug him and he'd laugh and kiss me again. We'd walk back to our friends all smiles. They'd congratulate us, and we sit, his arms around me. We'd talk to everyone normally but I'd know that for a little while my heart was satisfied.

You must be thinking didn't I have that with James?

Don't forget James was leaving. That affected a lot of the decisions we made. Plus, James never kissed me. He never showed interest until I did.

I'm not going to compare the two because they're different people.

James was sweet and kind and considerate and always cared about the way I felt.

Damon's bold and daring and sexy and doesn't give a damn as long as I'm okay with it.

I know, I did it anyways. Dammit.

Look, new year, new me.

I want to be reckless for a bit. I thought I was going to enjoy an FWB but I guess not. Damon has someone else. And we weren't even close to anything. I got rejected before I got a chance.

But that's life. If it was meant to be, it would've happened.

If my heart was made of glass, each day it would crack a little bit more. I can smell his cologne. I can hear him laugh. I can see his smile. I can feel him on me. His memories plague me. But what can I do but breathe and smile through it. He can never know. Never.

I just wish...

well, it doesn't matter. He texted me and told me the deal is off. He likes Lana. We're done.