Unexpected Love [Completed]

Chapter 28: Down

I thought everything was getting better. Finally. I had finally made it. All of my past mistakes were in the past. I was making progress. I was making a better start this year.

But no. I just couldn't.

Have you ever felt worthless? Have you felt that everything you've done isn't enough, you aren't enough? The past came back to bite me in the ass. Prem's mom came up to me in Mandir, and said to me, "I know you text Prem."

She knew. She fucking knew. My whole world came crashing down with those five little words. These meaningless little words could destroy everything I'd worked for. Everything I'd tried to push away from me, to make a new clean start. But I couldn't. Prem would always be one of the biggest blotches in my life that refused to go away.

What did she know? What did Aunty Sunita know? What did Prem tell her? How much had he shown her? Maybe everything he'd said had been a lie. He might have shown it all to his mom. I don't care how chill everyone says she is. NO adult was supposed to know. Texting Avi is one thing, but Prem was a whole different story.

I told him about Chris. If he told his mom that...I was utterly and completely screwed.

My head wouldn't stop spinning. I wanted to cry, to scream in frustration. I wanted to ask him for the truth. The real fucking truth. But did it really matter? The damage was done. And all it took was for his mom to show my parents. And I was done. Chris was the one thing I don't need adults to know about. Shona doesn't know, my cousins don't know. Hell, even my best friends don't know the whole truth. No one ever has.

I trusted him. But I guess I put my trust in the wrong person. Maybe he didn't tell her everything. But he told her something. Doesn't matter what it was. He told her he texted me. My parents didn't know, my cousins and aunts didn't know. My friends did.

I thought I could trust him. It was all a lie. All of it. Every single fucking thing. I'm sure I told him my parents could never find out. But did he listen? No.

Sure he trusts his mom, but I can't. What if she uses our messages to force my parents into something? What if she uses it to get me married to him or something? It wasn't the first family who wanted me to marry their son or nephew.

Prem's grandma had asked for me once long ago. I know its the twenty-first century. There's no such thing as betrothal and arranged marriages. Well sorry to break it to you, but yes there is.

All I want right now is Vani, my most trusted cousin and Avi. I needed their help, their advice, their safety, their comfort. But what if I can't trust Avi either?

Here I thought Chris fucked me over. but Prem not only messed with my head and heart, but he had the artillery to fuck my life over.

All because of my misjudgment. All because I trusted the sweet boy who was there for me in my dark moments. He hurt me over and over and over. I forgave and forgot. I loved him, I hated him and I moved on. We hadn't talked in months. I wanted nothing to do with him.

But he had to come back right at the moment when I was finally getting on track, back on my feet, true and pure once again. For God's sake, I had finally found the right person. I had found Avi. But no. I wasn't allowed to be at peace and happy.

I know I need to trust Bhagwan. I need to pray and to meditate. Have faith.

Avi helped calm me down telling me Prem wouldn't have exposed me. His mom probably just checked his phone and saw. I don't know if that's true but I trust Avi. So I hope he's right.

That same day Shona told me to just confess to Avi. And stupid me listened to her.

M-lets make a deal. I'll tell u who I think u like if u guess who I like

A- its obviously me

M- sure?

A- yeah

M- I think u like me

A- obviously I like you but as a little sister

M- lmao ok big bro

A- that went well

M- I get to annoy u whenever I want now

A- uhm no

M- uhm yes

A- you know u respond to texts really fast but you can bother me if you really want

M- ik i dont sleep much at night

A- you wanna know smth about me

M- sure

A- I go to sleep at 10:30 and if you look at the time it's 11:21

M- I didnt tell u to stay up texting me

A- I WAS WATCHING THE SUPERBOWL U MONKEY

M- did u just call me a monkey

A- yes u gorilla goodnight

M- ur a hyena

A- stop keeping me up

M- ur a big boy u shouldn't have a bed time

A- its not a bedtime sleep is healthy

M- who said healthy was fun

A- only text between 8 and 10:30. if u text me after I'll dub u unless its an emergency. good night!

I thought he liked me the way I liked him. I could tell he'd been nervous about confronting me about my feelings. And now that he had he could talk more openly to me. I was glad we'd finally opened up but he called me his little sister.

Shona seemed extremely happy that he did. I had once told her family was his top priority so she believed that he really cared about me to put me a place reserved for only those closest to him. Now I could finally learn things about him. Now we'd become close like I'd wanted. She believed he'd only called me his little sister because he refused to allow himself to like me in any other way. This proved the feelings were there. It's just the boundaries of age and family for now.

I don't care why he did it. He still sister zoned me. In my eyes there was no coming back from it. I was hurt. Not because of what he said, but because I'd really thought differently. I'd really thought....

God I was stupid.

And the next day I ended up walking back from gym with him. God, help me. Keep me strong. Don't let my heart hurt.

I laid on my bed thinking of him. Suddenly I realized just how important he was to me. Being something was better than nothing. I hadn't expected for him to mean so much but he did. I wouldn't fight for us as a couple anymore. But I would fight for our friendship. Being a part of his life was better than never talking to him. He respected me. He cared about me. That was enough.

For now. Even if it hurt I'd keep reminding myself of it. And I'd defend him to the eyes of the world. I'd cry silently, but for now I'd keep up the smile. I'd hold on to what I had. Even if everything seemed to fall apart. Every belief in love, every faith in my instinct.

Its ok. It'd be ok, eventually.