Unexpected Love [Completed]

Chapter 30: Not enough

See, the thing that makes Avi special, is the fact that he's real. I know James was too, but it's a different sort of reality. Every day with James was boring. It was friendship with attraction. It was a cleaner version of what I could've had with Damon.

But this.

This right here with Avi?

It's different. I know you're thinking you're just saying that now.

But he is.

Imagining being with him and interacting with him is so different from the real thing. I get to see his real personality, not the one I assume.

I thought he was this shy, kind of pushover type of guy. I thought he would be awkward around me if we started texting. But boy was I wrong. He was so annoying! He was so mean! Always teasing me and bullying me. And I loved it. I loved that I was wrong. I loved seeing the real him. And for some reason I feel like whatever his bad side is, it'll make me love him even more.

I just don't want this to be Prem. I don't want to get hurt. Avi is part of my life, whether we want it to be so or not. We're stuck together. And if I end up hurt, life is going to get really hard. Falling apart after Prem or James would be nothing compared to this.

It would tear me apart. And it scares me so much that Avi's going to just up and leave me in the dust. I'm so afraid he truly doesn't want me and he's just being that really sweet older brother.

I don't want to hope. I don't want to imagine what it'd be like to always be in his life. To be the person he confides in. To be someone he talks about all the time to his closest friends. I want to be someone he holds tight. I want to be his breath of fresh air. I want to be the person he thinks of in his moments of distress.

Because he is my breath of fresh air. He is the person I want comforting me. I hold him in extremely high regard. He is my everything. He has been my everything for so long, subconsciously. I don't even wish that I'd realized sooner. Everything with us must be timed right. And so far the timing is impeccable. I just wish he'd talk to me in my moments of need. when I need him the most, he's not there. In mind and heart he is, but to actually have him there in the flesh or over phone supporting me... that's what I want.

But he's not. When I need him he's not there. I hadn't even realized he'd been the glue holding my life together. Not until now, when I need to let go of him and everything is falling apart. I don't know if I want to confront him or cry.

Everything was going so well, and I really thought we'd finally made progress. But then he pulled away. He started dubbing my messages, and spoke to me less and less at school. I was so confused. What had happened?

We had become real friends. We spoke at mandir, school, and home. Why had he pulled away? We spoke about everything in our lives without having to explain it because of how similarly we lived. Why had he started to hurt me?

And I knew he had dubbed me and blocked my number. My friend texted him a meme, and he started texting her joking with her. He couldn't text me but he could talk to a stranger? Thanks a lot.

I was so mad, and so hurt because he texted my friend telling her he would have to block her now too. I knew he was basically telling her he knew I'd put her up to it, and that he'd blocked me. But thankfully my friend pretended she didn't understand what he was talking about. She told him that she thought he was her ex boyfriend Mike.

Why had he hurt me? Why did he let us reach a point where I could hope and then bring me down? I spent a week crying.

And that wasn't even the worst part.

So there was an essay competition in my community that my sister and I took part in. I didn't want to compete but we had to do it in support of our mandir. Unfortunately, I only won third for my category but my sister won first for hers. Everyone was so happy and excited.

And my parents seemed to think I was some big disappointment. Yet I helped my sister write her essay. I gave her the first sentence that everyone was so awed by.

And all I got in return was, "Meera you never succeed."

Thanks guys. Everyone, not just my parents. My entire family. They all seemed to care about my sister, not me. No, I could've done better, should've done better.

And do you know who I lost to? A girl older than me who couldn't even say a damn prayer. She couldn't even speak properly. I was so infuriated. It wasn't my fault I wrote in the way I thought my parents wanted me to write. It's not my fault I was terrified of who'd read my essay and judge it. I got nervous. I didn't write the way I normally did. I screwed up.

I was in such a dark place. I was so sad. One of my only dreams had been to have my writing published, but only my sister's essay was published, not mine. I was embarrassing, disappointing. I'm sorry.

So I spent a week thinking I wasn't good enough for anyone. And on top of that the guy in charge of the competition wanted to do an interview with me, the girl who got first for my category, and my sister. Great.

I thought my whole world was falling apart. I was so done with everything.

But bad things happen to open the way for good things.