Complicated (Cashton/Muke)

Chapter 14

**Possible triggering**

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*Ashtons POV*

I'm trying really hard for Calum, I really want him to be proud of me. It's been two weeks since the day he found me lying on the floor sobbing. I told him everything well almost everything. I told him about how my dad used to beat me and my family. I told him about the voices in my head and what they said to me. The thing I didn't tell him was about my razor. Ahh my razor my bestfriend. No one knows I cut, and I mean no one. And I don't plan on anyone finding out. I need a fix and I need it now. I hope Calum doesn't hate me. I'm sorry Cal I just really need to do this now.

I got up off my floor and stumbled into the bathroom. I let my hand run along the bottom of the sink to get my razor. I kept it taped to the sink so no one would find it. I twirled it in my fingers like a drum stuck before I pressed the cool metal against my skin. Ahh finally the feeling a craved. And the voices were back again..

You worthless piece of shit

You don't deserve Calum

Disgusting

Your family blames you for kicking your dad out

They hate you

No one likes you

Go die

I wanted to die every single day. I wanted to so bad, but I couldn't. I couldn't put Calum through that kind of pain. So I just settled for deep cuts. I made nine deep cuts on my thighs. Four on one side and five on the other. I heard a knock at the door and my brother Harry said,

"Ash I need to piss get out of there!"

"Y-Yeah okay, gimme a minute mate"

I quickly rinsed my thighs off in the bathtub and wrapped my cuts up in gauze. I slipped my track pants back on and stuck my razor under the sink again. I stumbled out of the bathroom and rushed back into my room. I didn't want Harry to see my tear stained cheeks. I put my headphones in and pressed play turning it up to max volume. I just laid my head back and looked at my ceiling as Nirvana blasted through my headphones.

I finally took my headphones out when I felt something tapping my leg. I looked up and Harry was standing beside my bed. He spoke with concern in his voice,

"Ashy, are you okay? It looks like you've been crying"

"I'm okay Harry.. You don't need to worry about me"

"I always worry about you Ashy, you're my big brother I don't want you to leave me"

"Awe Harry, c'mere bud"

I motioned for him to come hug me. He crawled into my bed and snugged into my chest. I kissed the top of his head and said,

"I'll never leave you little man. But if I do you take care of mum okay?"

"I promise I will just for you"

"Thank you Haz. Hey don't cry buddy, I love you very much and I won't every leave you. That's a promise"

He snugged more into my chest and I just wrapped my arms tighter around him. He mumbled something I couldn't hear so I said,

"What's that bud I didn't hear you.."

"I love you Ashy, I'm just scared you'll leave like dad did"

"I'm not gonna leave like dad did Harry. I love you, your sister and mum too much to do that"

"Can I sleep in here tonight? Please?"

"Of course you can Haz. We should go to sleep now considering it's already 11"

I pulled a blanket over the both of us and turned the light off. He laid his head on my chest and I had my arm tightly wrapped around him. I kissed his head and drifted to sleep.

***

The next morning I woke up to find Harry still sleeping on my chest. I didn't want to wake him considering it was only 8 in the morning. I just stroked his hair and thought about what he said. 'I'm just sacred you'll leave like dad did' I have to stop. For him and Calum. I have to tell Calum about my cutting. He hasn't left yet even when I told him about the voices. I'll call him today and ask him to come over. I was brought out of my thoughts by Harry groaning.

"Good morning Haz"

"Morning Ashy"

I ruffled his hair and pushed him off me so I could get up. I kicked him out of my room so I could text call Calum. I dialled his number and he picked up right away saying,

"Hello? Ash what's up babe?"

"Hey Cal I was just wondering if you could come over today, I want to tell you something"

"Sure babe, when do you want me over?"

"Whenever, sooner rather then later"

"Is 30 minutes okay?"

"Sure see ya then"

I hung up and went to change. I decided to keep my track pants on. I just changed my shirt. I took off my plain black shirt and put on my ripped misfits t-shirt. I went downstairs so I could greet Calum when he gets here. I sat in the kitchen and ate a banana. A few minutes later I heard a knock at the door. I got up and opened the door letting Calum in. He gave me a hug and I took a deep breath. I backed out of the hug and grabbed his hand leading him to my room. I closed the door and sat us down on my bed. He was the first to speak,

"So babe what did you want to tell me?"

"I-I actually wanted to show you it. Don't freak out okay.. I need to take off my pants"

I slowly took off my track pants and showed him my cuts...

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A/N

Cliffhanger!!!

Any predictions?

Love ya lots xxx

-Paiger =) x