Sophie quickly made her way back to the room Zack had shown her to earlier. She had to be behind her closed and locked door before she completely broke down. She could already feel scalding hot tears rolling unchecked down her face, splashing onto her shirt.
She threw the door open and moved inside, immediately closing and locking it behind her. She could finally let go, and a sob burst from her chest loud and utterly raw. He knees gave way and she slumped to the floor her face buried in her small hands.
Devastation, despair, fear, self loathing and shame all warred within her, vying for acknowledgment, and the tears continued to fall hot and fast. The cruel band of emotions constricting her chest made even taking a breath difficult.
An untold amount of time passed before she began to calm enough to pull herself slowly and painfully to her feet. With stiff jerky movements, she made her way over to the bathroom stripping her hastily donned clothing as she went. She turned on the shower, stepped under the spray and adjusted the temperature to somewhere just below scalding, immediately scrubbing at her skin.
The feeling of being "dirty" she knew, was all in her mind. She had read enough self help books in the last two years to know that. But although her rational mind knew that, it didn't stop her from feeling it. It didn't stop the urge to scrub her skin raw to remove the feeling of another's hands upon her.
It didn't matter that it was Zack's touch she was washing away. Her fated mate. It only mattered that she be once again "clean". But she knew she would never be truly clean. She was ruined inside, she felt filthy to her very core.
As the water pounded down over her still trembling form, Sophie slowly pulled herself back together. Tugging the frayed stands of her emotions back, into what for her, passed as order. She thought of all that had happened this evening and couldn't help the tendrils of shame that curled themselves around her. Goddess when would she ever feel anything other than shame.
Rationally she knew she had nothing to be ashamed of. She had fulfilled her commitment to Zack and the pack and completed the mating. No one could now come between them and it should make it easier to get the pups back to their parents.
But it was how she had completed the mating that filled her full of self loathing and shame. The cold emotionless act that had been done in that bedroom tonight was a perversion of what a true mating should have been.
And she felt guilty for the way she had treated him.
He had been so kind and understanding. He hadn't tried to rush her, hadn't tried to push her for more than she was ready to give. He had shown her patience and acceptance. And what had she done? Walked away, no ran away, as soon as the mating was complete.
She couldn't even talk to him. The heavy weight of dread settled in the pit of her stomach, familiar yet alien at the same time. Because this time the dread was not for what was to come at the hands of her torturer, but for what she knew she had to do.
She wasn't fit to be anyone's mate. She could not and would not put herself or Zack through the ordeal of trying to make it work between them. Oh she wasn't stupid, she knew Zack intended to try and persuade her to stay after the council representatives left and the pack was restored. She could not let herself be swayed. Could not let the temptation of her mate entice her into wanting the impossible.
Sophie turned the shower off and stepped out onto the thick mat. She quickly dried her skin then pulled on a comfortable pair of sleep pants and t-shirt.
As she crawled into bed she knew it would be a long sleepless night and although she dreaded facing Zack in the cold light of day, she knew she had to do it. As with everything else in her life she would face what was to come over the next few days. They would succeed in bringing the young home.
Then she would walk away from Hollow Ridge forever.
She would walk away from her mate forever.
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Betrayal And Redemption (Wolves of Hollow Ridge Book 1)
WerewolfHighest Ranking #1 in Alpha Female Taken in by a relative she had never heard of after the death of her parents, Sophie was subjected to abuse so vile most people would not have survived. Betrayed by the pack who took her in and the mate who shou...
