LURE ✧ l.s. ✧

26.

After Louis left on Wednesday Harry felt oddly alone. Yes, he was alone, but he never feels like the club is...empty. It was so quiet after he left and Harry didn't like it. Harry also didn't like that the second Louis left he wanted him to come right back.

Now, as he sits at home on Sunday night, he contemplates his feelings. He knows that he likes Louis as a person. He knew that a long time ago and he's not afraid to admit it. He knows he's anti-social but he doesn't like, hate every human being. The issue is that he likes Louis and wants more.

He's fine with having people in his life as long as he's not dependent on them. As long as he's perfectly content being away from them then he has no issues with getting to know someone but if the second they leave they're all he can think about...well that just won't do.

He's not going to push Louis away again because he promised that he wouldn't. He doesn't want to anyway. All he has to do is make sure that he doesn't let himself get attached any more than he already is.

He doesn't like this—this whole...emotion thing. It stresses him out and to be quite honest it makes his head hurt. Up until Wednesday he was able to focus on work for as long as he needed to. He had self-control. But now? Now he can't go ten minutes without Louis popping into his head.

It's not like he has real feelings for Louis but for the first time in a long time someone is actually trying to get to know him. Louis hasn't once judged Harry or backed away because Harry scared him. The only time that seemed to happen was after the argument and even then it only took one conversation for Louis to trust him again.

Add that to the list of things he doesn't like as well. Louis already considers Harry a friend which is fine and Harry has no problem with that it's just that he feels bad because at some point Louis will realize that he can't be the friend he's looking for. Harry doesn't like that Louis will forgive and trust him so easily because what if Harry's not being a good friend and Louis just lets him.

It's sad but Harry doesn't really know how to be a good friend. He hasn't had a real friend since high school. He's had people that are kind of like friends but not really so he doesn't know what a true friendship is and he's been fine with that. Until now.

He hates it, but there's this part of him that keeps telling him to let Louis get close. That maybe having a friend might not be so bad, but then the other part of him wants to stay focused on work.

After all, "make money, not friends."

Sure, maybe having friends is nice, but being financially stable is even nicer. Harry works hard for what he has and if he lets his mind be taken over by all of these feelings then he'll stop working as hard which means he'll fail.

He doesn't know what to do. It's not like he can just shut his brain off or force himself to not think about Louis. You can't control what thoughts pop into your head but you can control how they make you feel. Right now thoughts of Louis make Harry feel a small knot in his chest and he doesn't like that, so from now on thoughts of Louis mean nothing.

That night Harry goes to bed with his mind still foggy. He's never felt this way before and he doesn't really know what exactly it is he's feeling. It hurts but at the same time it doesn't. He knows it's because of Louis but he ignores it and tells himself that tomorrow he'll make sure to focus even harder on work.

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

Louis wakes up on Monday morning surprisingly early. His classes aren't for another two hours so he decides maybe he'll go and get breakfast for him and Niall. He puts on some clothes and then slips his Adidas slides on. He grabs some money and then heads to the dining hall where they're serving breakfast.