For you, I'd do anything {GamTav}

Epilogue

Gamzee

Tavros is dead.

Those words haunted you throughout your rehabilitation, jabbing you in the back like knives and taunting you.

You did this.

YOU ARE THE REASON HE IS DEAD.

You're a fucking failure.

Your time there was complete and utter torture. Everyone looked at you like you were an unstable animal, everyone talked to you like a baby who was about to start crying, everybody pretended to care when you mourned the death of your loved one.

They didn't care, it was their job to look like they did. You couldn't stand those looks anymore. Every time you look at someone with those soft, pitiful eyes you remember when Tavros first started living with you. You loved his soft eyes at first, you loved the thought that someone cared for you, but now it only brings back bittersweet memories and a craving for something to help you forget.

It didn't help that you couldn't sneak out. God, you'd have killed for anything to help you forget the crushing weight on your shoulders. You'd give everything to have forgotten his sweet eyes, his sweet voice, his name... but you could never do it, and you hard yourself for being too weak to forget.

But you hated yourself for thinking you could, and wishing that you could. His memory is all you have left of him, if you forgot then he would truly be dead.

You refuse to let go. You will hold on to him for the rest of your life.

Throughout the rest of your stay, you tried your hardest to seem healthy enough to go. Eventually, after two years of the days going by slower than a broken clock, you were officially deemed rehabilitated and were allowed to leave.

You weren't ok, god you were not ok. You were depressed, guilt stricken and regret was eating you up from the inside. But you couldn't stay there, not when everywhere you looked you could see Tavros. You could see him dressed up in the doctors uniform when you looked down the halls, you saw him talking to other patients when you stared through the glass windows of the offices.

You could see him next to you in the mirror, whispering about how much he missed you in words you couldn't understand, whispering too quietly for you to hear, but god you let your mind wander, you let your mind think he was there, combing his long and slender fingers through your messy, matted mane, massaging your shoulders, hugging you and kissing you on the lips. But those dreams would vanish as soon as they came, almost like a mirage they would disappear if you tried to touch them.

When you were finally discharged with a note saying you were mentally stable again, the first thing you did was visit Tavros' grave. It was small, not much, and the flowers placed on top of the soil were reduced to nothing but waste, but it still made you cry.

Here lies Tavros Nitram, a friend to all and a face we will all miss. May his soul Rest In Peace.

The message made you sob, thinking back to all the times that you and Tavros had fun and kissed and hugged... you wish you could turn back time and stop yourself from watching that damn video, maybe then you wouldn't have killed him. Maybe if you had of listened to the lawyers words, you would still be holding him.

'But it's too late now.' You thought.

You found it sickeningly amusing, in a disgusting and bitter way, that a stupid video about clowns would make you so mad. How the hell did you let that happen to you? Why the fuck were you so stupid as to let something so trivial stand between you and the one you loved?

You were so sick and tired of everything, so you decided to take a walk. Going to an old bridge by the park, you admired the look of the water beneath it.

The park was near the ocean, and the bridge was suspended at least 30 meters or so into the air. The bridge didn't have a lot of foot traffic, but there was a decent amount of cars. You held on to the rail tightly, your knuckles turning white as tears ran down your face. You pushed back the tears, an empty feeling coursing through your body as a wife and sorrowful smile begun to spread across your face.

"I'm sorry Tavros, I'll see you soon," you said to yourself, hoisting yourself upwards and climbing over the rails. You stared down in pure bliss at the ocean below you, ignoring the shouting of people trying to tell you to stop and the honking of car horns.

You lean forward, loosening your grip on the rail.

"I love you, Tavros." You let go of the rails, falling down towards ocean with a small smile on your face.

'For you Tavros, I would do anything. I'll be with you soon, my love.' Were the final thoughts to cross your mind as everything went black.