Forever, Never Lasts

Chapter 6 I Don't Know What to Feel

      It wasn't a suprise at how long school took. I couldn't focus in any of my classe's, which I intended to change due to the factor that in my whole life I never made anything lower than a B. Jason's face kept popping up in my head everytime I tried not to think about him. When the last bell rang for the day I managed to get to my locker before Jason got there, I sighed in relief knowing I didn't have to see him before I went home. As strange as that may have sounded it wasn't that I didn't want to see him, I just wanted things to go back to how they were before. To my disappointment I knew that thing's would never be the same for me.

     I made it out of the school without seeing him and it looks to be as if Riley has already left with Daniel. I sent her a message to be on the safe side Me: Hey did you already leave? As soon as I lifted my head to my car I seen him leaning on the hood with his arms and feet crossed. He looked so good I couldn't help but look from his head to his feet in admiration. I must've checking him out longer than I thought, because the sound of him clearing his throat brought me back to reality. Blushing uncontrollably I headed near him in hopes he couldn't see my cheeks. "Hey there beautiful, so how bout that date?" He asked with a confident smile. My heart fluttered at his question. Couldn't he forget anything? "What about it?" I asked shrugging my shoulders. "Well are you doing anything tonight?" he asked looking at me with an eyebrow raised. I had to think of something because I knew if I went on a date with him and considered it a date thing's would most likely get out of control. "Umm, Yea actually me and Riley are going shopping" I stumbled on my word, nice going Ray good way of telling him no. I really did want to go with him but I knew what the result of that choice would be. "You and Riley are going shopping aye? well that's funny considering she's going to the movies with my buddy Daniel." he questioned with an amused smile. "Well maybe I don't wanna go on a date" I stated firmly. I didn't want to seem like a b***h but at this point I knew I had to if I didn't wanna get hurt in the end. He looked shocked and what seemed like hurt, was he not used to being rejected. I couldn't describe the guilt I felt in the pit of my stomach. I didn't know what to say. "Well I'm sorry to waste your time" he stated emotionlessly, he turned to walk away and it was like instict for me to grab his arm to make him face me. "Look I'm sorry it's not that I don't like you I just can't let myself go because in the end I know what will happen" I started trying not to show him how weak I really am. "Not everyone is gonna hurt you Ray, you can't live your whole life on what if's" his eyes were soft as he said this but I knew he was right. "I don't know what to feel" I whispered looking at the ground trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. "Ray your not supposed to know how to feel right now, just go with the flow" he stated pulling my chin up with his index finger so that my eyes would meet his. I couldn't breathe his face was so close to mine. I turned my head to avoid his burning gaze "If I just go with the flow I putting myself up to believe that you won't hurt me, I don't even know you" I stated truthfully I couldn't help but feel this way after everything that's happend to me it's unrealistic not to feel this way. "You're right Ray you don't know me I'm just the new kid that's you partner for a class project right? Well to be honest I don't know you either I've been hurt before as well, but guess what? I don't want to be that guy you just met or your friend" He stated firmly. There were the exact words I've been preparing myself for, it hurt me so bad to hear him say them but I knew something like this would've happen. Yet, I gave him the benifit of the doubt it makes me sick to think about all the times I wasted thinking about him. My thoughts were interrupted when he grabbed my face and the next thing I know he's lips are on mine. I felt like I was turning to jello and if he hadn't pushed me against my car I knew I would be on the ground. To shocked to push him away I began to kiss him back with just as much force as he had me. He pulled away breathlessly and said 5 little words that made my insides melt "I want to be more" he said before he crashed his lips back to mine.