➳ Mistakes || WillNE

19. Two Mil

27/04/18 - 1 year, 3 weeks, 6 days a/ b (after breakup)

It's been a while.
A week, maybe.
I guess not that long.

It just feels so long when you're not around.
Time goes slow again.
My life goes dark.
I can't sleep.

I miss you, honestly.
You were the light that forced the darkness away.
I needed you, not that I would've admitted it in the argument.

But I fucked up. Messed up. I guess I deserved what I got.
I got burnt in the end, huh.

It was all my fault.

I wouldn't call it a mistake, however, nor would I call our entire relationship from childhood friends to lovers to exes and lovers again a series of mistakes.

How else do humans grow? How else will we learn and eventually flourish?

I'm rambling.

I love you, Will.

Love,
Cas xx

I put the letter in an envelope and sighed. I would never send it. I simply placed it on a shelf in my bedroom, where it belonged.

My flat was so quiet without Will. His shouting and thumping around was missed. I missed our movie nights and binging Netflix together. 

Alex and I had spent a lot of time together, but our feelings for eachother had pretty much disappeared after our night of intimacy. It was good, don't get me wrong, and I'd even go as far as saying it was incredible, but it made us realise we were better off as friends.

He had been my rock over the last week, wiping my tears and supplying my freezer with Ben and Jerry's. Absolute saint of a man. He'd brought me things to help me sleep, too, like lavender spray and lavender scents and just everything lavender. He had noticed the dark bags under my eyes.

I hadn't been to class all week, too tired and sad to do anything. Alex kept me up to date with the work, though.

Sitting on the cream, soft sofa in my living room, I just sighed. I dug my spoon into the tub of ice cream on my lap, shovelling it into my mouth. My eyes were damp with tears as I watched To All The Boys I've Loved Before. Our film. The reason Will heard me say I love him.

The reason for us and our second chance.

No light came through the closed curtains. The sun was setting, although I couldn't see. I didn't want to see. Why would I want to see the striking colours brushed across the blue canvas of the sky? Why see such a perfect sight when my perfect sight has left?

My train of thoughts were interrupted my a knock.

I was confused.

Alex wasn't meant to come over tonight; he was looking at flats in London. George was with him.

It was also relatively late.

Hesitantly, I approached the door. I tightened my dressing gown and anxiously shuffled in my slippers.

I opened the door.

There he stood. He wore a stunning tuxedo, a bouquet of red roses in his hand. They stood out against the black of his suit. His hair wasn't different; just trimmed and neatened up. Resting over his arm was a black dress bag.

"I'm here for our date," he smiled, slowly handing me the roses. I took them, incredibly confused.

"Date?" I asked, inviting him inside.

"I hit two million subscribers. I'm keeping my promise to you."

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if you don't know what he means about 2 million subs, check the end of the a/n

if you enjoyed, please feel free to vote and comment! thanks for reading!

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"Pick a number above 1 million,"

"2 million,"

"If I ever get 2 million subs, I'll take you on the most expensive and lavish date ever, yeah?" he held my hand, gently caressing it with his thumb.

"That's the bet? Nothing happens if you don't?" I asked, leaning into his chest.

"If I don't, you miss out on the chance to go on a date with me, an absolute beast," he put his arm around me. "So, what do you say, do we have a bet, Cas?"

"Yeah, you're on, Lenney."