Tear in My Heart (Tyler Joseph x Reader)

chapter 1

Hannah's POV

(Current time- Novemer, 2014)

"Guys, I'm hungry. I'm going to make some soup." I said, standing up from the couch on the tour bus. The tour is almost over, there are only five shows left. It has been awesome so far, and so fun. I have had some really great times with Tyler and Josh. It was amazing to see so many people support them and believing in them as much as I always have. Their focus switched from playing Super Mario, to me as I walked to the tiny kitchen. 

"Ruby, you know you want to share with meeeeee." Josh said, giving me puppy dog eyes and dragging out his last word for emphasis. 

I chuckled, "I already planned on sharing it with you. And Tyler, don't worry, I'm making you a grilled cheese." He smiled at me, sucking in his bottom lip. He does that when he's nervous, so maybe he is nervous for the show tonight? I don't know why though, he hasn't really been that nervous the whole tour. You know what, he has been really quiet all day today so far. I hope he's okay and not having another anxiety attack and holding it in. I hope that by now, since I've seen so many of his episodes in the past, that he would be open and honest with me about them. I hope that is not what is happening with him right now. I'll talk to him after we eat. I was stuck in my thoughts for so long that I had completely cooked the soup and sandwich already. WOW, sometimes even I am impressed with myself. "Come to the table guys!" I called, as if the couch wasn't literally two big steps away from the table. They both gathered. 

"Thank you, Ruby," Tyler said quietly and calmly. I nodded at him as Josh dug into his food. I looked at Tyler, setting my hand on his knee that was closely next to me under the table to get his attention. He jumped and moved his knee from my touch quickly. But he looked at me and I looked at him with an 'are you okay' look. He nodded and fake smiled, bouncing his knee up and down nervously. This is so weird. I don't know what to do or what could be wrong...

"Tyler, are you sur-" I got interrupted by Josh burping loudly. I looked at him. 

"Oops, sorry," he said, continuing to dig in.

I chuckled and began again, "Tyler, are you sur-" I got interrupted again. This time by Mark, their manager. 

"Okay guys, we're here. Josh you have an interview with that drumming magazine in," He stopped to like at his watch. "Ten minutes. Tyler and Ruby, you guys can stay on the bus or come in the arena. Whatever you want to do..." He trailed off, lost in his own thoughts. I laughed at him. Josh picked up his shoes and put them on. He also quickly changed his shirt into a more fancy-looking one. I looked at Tyler. 

"Want to stay here?" He asked. I nodded. Now, I can ask him if he's okay in private. Because I know he's not. So he better not try to lie to me. The boys left and the bus driver did too, so we were completely alone on the bus. "Can we go lay down and maybe catch in a nap before the show?" He asked.

"I'm always down for a nappy nap, Tyjo!" I exclaimed, following him to the back of the bus. He opened the curtain to his bottom bed and I started to climb to my top bunk across from him. Josh slept above him and Mark slept below me, so Tyler and I slept diagonal to each other. He grabbed my wrist, stopping my climb. 

"M-Maybe, maybe, you could just share beds with me for right now. Th-that way I don't have to talk louder to talk to you since you'd be across from me. I should probably not strain my voice before the show and honestly, i-it's feeling a little sore right n-now." He stuttered and rambled through the sentence. He only does this when he's nervous. So now I know he's definitely nervous, but about what? 

"Okay, that works for me." I smiled at him. We haven't laid in a bed together since we were back home and it's not weird for us to do. We always lay in bed together to watch TV, but we just haven't done it since tour started since we have our own beds and they ARE SO SMALL. He climbed into the bed first, leaving as much room for me as possible. His side was up against the wall and mine kind of hung over the edge, so the curtain wouldn't be able to close if we tried. Not that we would, that would be weird. Just as I was thinking this, Tyler sat up to close the curtain. Okay.... weird.... He shifted so he was laying flat on his back and then he patted his chest, which was his signal to have me lay my head there. He wrapped his arm around me and I felt safe. He was bouncing his knee, causing the bed to shake. "Okay, Tyler..." I broke the silence, moving to look up at him. "What's wrong? I know you're nervous about something. So spill. What's up?" 

He looked me in my eyes briefly, before licking his slightly dry lips and looking away. "I'm not really nervous, well, okay I am." He closed his eyes. 

"About what? Ty, you have to talk to me. If you are having a panic attack or anxiety attack, I need to know." I sat up in seriousness. 

He pulled me back down, "Please just lay with me. I miss laying with you." He said honestly. I laid back down on his chest and grabbed a fistful of his hoodie that he was wearing. It was just more comfortable for me to hold it. 

"I miss it too," I sighed. "Now, what are you nervous about?" 

He sighed and waited a little to reply, "I'm nervous to do something. But, if I don't do it now, I never will. And that would be my biggest regret in life." I could tell he was being serious and that whatever this 'something' was, meant a lot to him. 

I looked up at him. "Then you need to do it, whatever it is. You seem to care a whole lot about it and you need t-" I was cut off. By something so surprising....

His lips attached to mine, stopping my words. He was kissing me. My best friend of 9 years, was kissing me. WHAT THE HECK. It felt weird, but also kind of right. I don't know how to feel. I was so in my head that I wasn't even kissing back or anything, I was just laying there as Tyler attached his lips to mine. Finally, he pulled away and looked at me. 

"I-I-I'm sorry I did that," He removed his arm from around me and started to get out of bed. He opened the curtain, putting his feet on the floor and left me alone in the bed. I could hear him walking to the living room. What do I do? I honestly don't know. Do I like him like that? Did his kiss mean something to me? I think I would have kissed back if I felt something... but, I don't know because I was so shocked. WHAT DO I DO??? 

My thoughts were interrupted by a huge, loud bang. I quickly got out of bed and ran to where Tyler was. He was standing in the kitchen, with a bleeding hand and broken cabinet door above him. He must have punched the cabinet out of anger. I looked at him and rushed to his side. I grabbed his hand in mine, but he pulled away from me. "Tyler, let me help y-" 

"No. I'm fine. I'm sorry I did that, forget it happened." He said, with a small mix of anger and sadness in his voice. He was backing away from me. 

I stepped towards him, "Tyler I-" 

"No. It's fine. I have to go." He turned away and walked off the bus, slamming the door behind him. 

What. Just. Fucking. Happened.