Stray Kids Shorts

Coming Back Down - Changlix

There ya go Jhope_aesthetic
Sequel to Hanahaki Disease
Genre: Angst

It's been a few months since Changbin passed away. Jisung told Felix everything. The Australian had no clue that Changbin had been going through so much pain. He was crestfallen, not knowing that Changbin had suffered so much. He should have noticed it, there were so many clear signs of it, but he didn't and now Changbin was dead.

I just can't escape
It's like you're here with me now...

Felix didn't hang out with the others anymore, he kept mostly by himself. Changbin's death took its toll on him. He never smiled anymore. How could he, when the one he loved wasn't in this world and it was his fault?

The others didn't dare bother Felix because they knew he was going through a lot and he needed time to accept the fact that Changbin was gone. But no matter how much time passed, Felix just couldn't accept the painful truth.

At first, Felix would lock himself up in his room crying his eyes out. He felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest. He felt numb but empty at the same time. The one he loved wasn't coming back.

Someday, someday
I know you're coming back down...

Once the pain became unbearable, Felix's only escape was to cut himself. It helped him ease the emotional pain he was feeling and it also felt like he deserved the physical pain he inflicted on himself. It made him feel less guilty. He blamed himself for Changbin's death. Felix felt like he didn't deserve to live anymore. Knowing that he was the reason his loved one was dead was too much for him. He didn't deserve to love Changbin after all the pain he'd caused him. He was unworthy of Changbin's love as well. The Australian couldn't understand why Changbin hadn't agreed to just go on with the surgery. He'd be alive and he wouldn't remember someone as unworthy as Felix.

Down in the dirt
With your blood on my hands...

Felix began to have nightmares. At first, his dreams began as something pleasant. Changbin. He was always there. Both of them were happy and holding hands, until the scene suddenly changed and Felix was then kneeling next to Changbin's lifeless body and there was just so much blood everywhere. When Felix looked down at his hands, he saw that they were drenched in blood. He stared at them in horror as tears would blur his vision.

"No, no. Changbin, don't. Don't go!" Felix screamed with tear stained cheeks.

"You did this to me, Felix. You killed me." The lifeless body would speak with a sinister voice.

"No! Stop!" Felix shut his eyes and placed his hands on his ears so he wouldn't have to listen.

Then he would wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat with his face swollen from all the crying. He felt guilt and it was slowly eating him from the inside, destroying him completely.

Felix began to talk to the imaginary Changbin his mind created. It was always him talking, Changbin was just there, listening. He couldn't remember how Changbin's voice sounded anymore and he knew he'd never have the chance to listen to it anymore.

But now I do understand
That you were too good
For this world so you left it...

It's true. Changbin was just too good. He was too good for Felix and he never deserved him. It should have been him instead of Changbin. But it didn't happen like that and Changbin was gone. Felix couldn't accept it.

One of these days Felix decided to visit Changbin's grave. He knew he wasn't worthy, but he just felt the need to do it.

It became a habit. Felix often sat next to Changbin's grave, talking to him as if the boy had been there with him, alive.

And when a man turns to ashes
Forget about love
Like the feeling inside you
With the bottle beside you
You both end up empty
Like an angel just died too...

This time, Felix brought a bottle. He was underaged and he knew he shouldn't drink, but it didn't matter anymore. He'd fallen deep into the hole of depression and he couldn't see the exit. He cut, he tried to drown his sorrow with alcohol and he'd tried to follow Changbin by overdosing on pills. It didn't work, obviously, because he was sitting in his usual spot like he always did.

He felt empty. His life didn't make sense anymore and he constantly blamed himself for Changbin's death.

I look to the heavens
To the sky and the rest
I looked inside myself
And felt my heart in my chest...

Felix looked at the sky as he recalled the times when Changbin was still alive. He remembered all the secret glances Changbin had shot his way and the Australian regretted noticing them now and not sooner. He figured out why it was anemones that had killed Changbin. Felix had gifted them to Changbin because they looked as beautiful as he did. Now, they symbolized the death of a loved one.

It's hard to say goodbye
When you know that it's over...

Felix's bottle laid empty next to him. He wasn't moving either. His breathing had slowed down and would eventually stop. Felix couldn't live with himself anymore. The pain was too much to bear so he'd decided to follow Changbin, because at least in death they could be together.

Someday, someday
I know you're coming back down...

His vision blurred until all he could see was black. His consciousness started to slip away. Felix smiled during his last minutes because he knew that he could finally join Changbin.

"C-Changbin... Let's meet again in our next lives..." Felix muttered, before his breath left him and he laid motionless and dead next to Changbin's grave.

One day, one day
I know you're coming back down

I didn't plan on making a sequel to Hanahaki Disease, but listening to Hollywood Undead - Coming Back Down gave me the idea. Hope you enjoyed it!