Unsteady (Sequel to Hold On)

Chapter Six: Making It Work.

Alisha

Liv, Amanda, Sonny, Fin, Peter and I all sat at Sonny and I's dinner table. Sonny had made some Italian dish and invited everyone over. Aurora was sitting in her basset, I had already fed her. 

"So what is everyone doing tomorrow?"  Amanda asks, "Probably nothing, I mean I have Aurora to take care of," I say. "Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you can't have fun Ali," Liv says. 

"I know, but I just want to be around her, I never want to leave her side, even though I know I have too," I say. They nod and we all finish eating dinner, "Sonny this was delicious," Peter says. "Sure was," I say kissing his cheek, I begin clearing the table and Amanda helps me.

"You doing okay?" She asks me, I nod. "Ali, don't lie to me..." she whispers. "What is it called? Postpartum depression?" I ask, Amanda nods. "Yeah, I think I'm experiencing that. I just want to sleep, and I want to be around her but I don't, I feel like she could have a better mom, I don't sleep. I end up staying up to 6 in the morning, and I don't know what to do. If I tell Sonny he's going to make me see a therapist and I really don't want too, I'm just lost..." I explain to her. 

"It's normal to feel this way Ali, God knows I did, but you can't isolate yourself. You gotta talk to someone, okay? Promise me if you feel the urge to hurt yourself you'll call me?" Amanda asks, "Of course," she hugs me and goes back to the living room. 

Peter comes in and hands me his plate, "You doing okay?" He asks, "Y--" I start, he raises an eyebrow at me. "Honestly? No...I'm really, really depressed. Sonny and I got in a fight yesterday over the fact I felt guilty Mike was dead, because I'm human, even after everything he put me through. And the fight just escalated to me still loving Rafael and Sonny not being ready to take on a girlfriend and a daughter...we didn't talk the rest of the night and we barely made up this morning. I'm dealing with postpartum, I feel like Aurora could have a much better mom than me, I mean what was I thinking? Bringing a kid into my life? An innocent little child who has no idea what she was born into..." I rant. 

"Are you happy?" Peter asks, "Of course I am..I have a beautiful little girl," I say. "I meant with Sonny, Ali..." Peter says softly.

"I want to be. He is so good to me. He's so kind and he's so patient and I love him. But...we're just making it work." I say, "Ali, also, you're an amazing Mom, she's what? a month old? And she is already so healthy. You're doing just fine as a Mom," I smile at him and feel tears fill my eyes, "Then why am I so scared?" I ask as I begin crying. "Hey.." he says pulling me into a hug. "It's okay to be scared Ali," he kisses me on the top of the head. "It's normal," I nod and pull away wiping my face.

"C'mon, let's go rejoin our friends," I nod and follow him out of the kitchen, Amanda and Sonny were sitting at the table laughing, and I felt a pang of jealousy. He looks happier with her and I can't blame him. Olivia was holding Aurora and I heard her giggling, and I smile.

Fin walks over to me, "You okay?" He asks. "No, but I will be," I say looking at him. "I'm a phone call away if you ever need anything, okay? Even just a friend," I smile and nod.

A couple hours later, everyone had left and Sonny and I were cleaning up, "Do you like her?" I ask, out of the blue.  He stops and looks at me, "What?" he asks, "Amanda...do you like her?" I repeat. 

"What are you talking about?" He asks facing me, "I saw the way you two were laughing, how she touched your arm. I have eyes Sonny..." I whisper. He looks down, "Are you sleeping with her too?" I whisper, not really wanting to know the answer. 

"Ali..." He whispers, and I look at him, "No--I understand..." I whisper. "It's not what you think..." "What am I suppose to think Sonny? I can't have sex right now, you need sex apparently, enough for you to cheat on me...even after you promised you wouldn't..." I whisper. 

"I love both of you.." Sonny says, "And I loved you and Rafael but I would never cheat on you because of it," I snap. "I would never sleep with you while I was still dating Rafael, you promised me the night you asked me to be your girlfriend you would never do that to me," I say looking at him. "I-I'm sorry.." he whispers.

I nod and go into the bedroom, Aurora was asleep and I just crawled into bed. 

"Ali, please..." Sonny whispers coming into the room, "Let's make this work.." 

"I just want to sleep," I say, crawling under the blankets and closing my eyes. "Okay..."