Unsteady (Sequel to Hold On)

Chapter Seventeen: Nothing Breaks Like A Heart.

A/N: I know this isn't how the episode went, just roll with it pls and thank u

(A few days later)

Alisha

I was finally able to be back at work and it felt really good. Granted Olivia put me on desk duty, but it was still nice being around everyone again.  Lucy was watching Rory and Liv's apartment and Peter was at his office.

"Donut?" Sonny offers walking over to my desk, "I really shouldn't," I say, "Oh come on," he says nudges them at me. "Fineeee" I say laughing and taking one. Rafael was still hanging around the precinct, catching up with Liv, Fin, and Amanda.

I was scrolling through my computer when I hear, "Hi is Detective Miller here?" I recognized the voice and look up. "Spencer?" I ask, "Hey," he says and smiles. I get up and walk over to him, embracing him in a hug. "How have you been?" I ask, "That's a long story..." Spencer says laughing slightly.

"What're you doing here?" I ask, "I'm on vacation," "And you came to New York?" I ask, "Yeah, I wanted to see you," "Aw, well, I'm working right now, can we meet after? For dinner or something?" "Sure," Spencer says. "My cell number is still the same," I say, "Okay, what time do you get off?" "7," 

Spencer nods, "I'll text you then," I nod and hug him again. He leaves, and I turn around, "Another admirer?" Amanda asks, "Old partner," I say chuckling. She nods and sits down at her desk, I sit back down at mine as well. 

"Guys, we have a problem," Liv says rushing out of her office, "What?" I ask, "Peter's sister, Pam, she was kidnapped but a Mexican cartel we were trying to take down," As if on cue, we were all on our feet.

"Ali.." Olivia starts, "Liv, please, let me go just this once," she nods and we head out.

We arrive at the warehouse that Pam was being held captive in, as we went in we saw at least 6 girls in a cell. Olivia got them out while Peter, Sonny, Finn and I kept walking. We saw the FBI there and Peter's sister. I hadn't got to meet her yet, he was planning on taking me to see her soon. 

"Pam!" Peter yells, "Peter, stay back," Liv tells him, "Lieutenant Olivia Benson, Special Victims Unit," she says to the main guy, "Step back Lieutenant," he says and then turns his attention to the man holding a gun to Pam, "If you let her go, we won't shoot you," "Sure!" the guy yells, "Come on," Liv shouts.

"Peter?" Pam whispers, she begins walking towards us and it all happened so fast, guns began firing and I saw Pam go down. "PAM!" Peter screams and runs to her, he begins holding her head, "Pam come on," he says. "Peter..." she whispers. "No, Pam come on!" but it was too late. 

Olivia set a gentle hand on him and I dropped my head and let tears fall. 

Spencer texted me around 7:30 asking me if I still wanted to hang out, I explained to him what happened and he understood but that we'll make plans tomorrow.  I was walking towards Peter's office and I glance in, I see Olivia holding Peter. I don't know why and I can't explain it but it hurt my heart, I should be the one holding him not her. I just turned around and headed back out, I had to pick up Rory anyway.

I head to Olivia's apartment and got Rory, then headed back to the house. I put Rory down to go to sleep with a bottle and headed into the living room. I grabbed a bottle of scotch and some pepsi and poured me a drink before going back into the living room and sitting down. 

About 30 minutes later Peter comes in the house, "Hey," he says softly, "Hey," I say but don't look at him. "Carmen said she saw you come to my office but you left looking upset," he says sitting next to me. "Yeah, you're sister died," I say, "No, I mean you were in front of my office," he says.

"It doesn't matter, it's a stupid thing to be upset over," I say, "What is?" I sigh and look at him, "The fact that Liv was holding you, comforting you," I say, "Ali, she's my friend," "I get that Peter, but I'm your girlfriend, or at least that's what you called me on Sunday, you haven't actually officially asked me to be your girlfriend, but, as I said, it's a stupid thing to be upset over," I say setting my drink down. 

"Ali," he starts, "What?" I ask, "I like you Peter, and Rory adores you, but we keep kissing and we keep cuddling in bed, but you won't ask me to be your girlfriend and I don't understand why. I didn't want to bring this up because now you have to plan your sister funeral and I am really sorry you lost your sister. But I don't know what you want me to do Peter, do you want me as your girlfriend or not?" I ask, "I--I honestly don't know," he says and I felt my heartbreak.

"What do you mean you don't know?" I ask, "Peter, I'm asking you right now, do you love me?" he stood up quickly, "Ali, of course, I love you, but I can't give you the answer you want right now," I felt tears fall down my face, as I slowly nod and head towards the bedroom. I grab a small bag of my clothes and Rory's and then go and pick her up. 

She cries a bit but falls back asleep as I set her in the car seat, I head back out to the living room. "Ali, where are you going?" Peter asks, "I'm going to call Liv, ask her if I can spend the night with her, I'll be back tomorrow I just, you need some time alone.." 

"Please don't leave me," He begs, tears falling down his face.  I watch as a 6"1' man falls to his knees, my heart aches for him and I silently go and put Rory back in her bed. Dropping my bag by the couch and I sit in front of him. "I'm not going anywhere,"  I say and pull him into my chest. 

We sat like that for hours, him crying and me holding him. I saw the moonlight creeping in through the windows, "Baby, we need to go and get some sleep, come on," I stand up and reach my hand out. He takes it and stands up, "I love you," he whispers. "I thought you said you couldn't give me the answer I want," I say to him.

"I've never been in a long term relationship, or a serious one, I don't know how to do it," he whispers, "It's okay, we'll talk tomorrow, lets go to bed," He nods and we walk to the bedroom. I just take my pants off and crawl into bed and he takes his shirt and pants off. 

"Goodnight Peter,"

"Goodnight Ali,"