Unsteady (Sequel to Hold On)

Chapter Ten: I'm A Little Unsteady.

Alisha

I got back to Peters house, Sonny decided to take the night to stay with Aurora so I could get some rest. The house was quiet which means Peter was probably still out or at work, I sit down on the couch and my phone buzzes. I look at it, "Want anything to eat? I'm on the way home. xPeter" 

"No I'm okay xAli" I set my phone down and sigh, it buzzes again, "You haven't eaten all day :( xPeter" "I'm okay Peter xAli," 

No response after that, I sigh and go into the kitchen and grab a beer, opening it and taking a long drink of it. I go into the bedroom and change into shorts and a t-shirt, walking back into the living room and sitting down. 

I look through my phone, and scroll across Rafael's name, I tap on it and the last message I sent was, "I miss you." He never responded to it, and it hurt a little to think that now he wants nothing to do with me. Or Aurora. I down the beer and go and grab another one, nearly drinking it all in one sip, the front door opens and Peter walks in.

"Ali, what are you doing!?" He asks, grabbing the beer from my hand. "I'm having a beer," I say. "You're not supposed to be drinking, it's bad for the milk," I shrug. 

"I got you food," Peter says. "I told you I wasn't hungry," I say. "No, you're hungry you just refuse to eat. Fin said you ate nothing at the precinct and you didn't eat at the hospital, you barely ate anything yester---" "So what!? I don't want to eat! Big fucking deal!" I snap. He was taken back by the sudden outburst, "Why don't you want to eat? You need to eat to keep your health up.." 

I just sat down on the couch, "Ali, what's going on?" He asks sitting beside me, "I- I feel so lost, and so alone, I don't feel like I deserve to eat, I gained so much weight from having Aurora, I need to lose it again," "Ali starving yourself isn't going to help you lose weight, if anything you'll gain it back," Peter explains. 

"I just want to feel beautiful again Peter," I say looking at him, "I look in the mirror and I hate who I see. I hate myself. I see an ugly person, a lost, scared person..." 

"Alisha, you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, you have always been beautiful, but you not eating is not only bad for you, but it's also bad for Aurora, you're still breastfeeding, you have to eat.." I cut him off by kissing him, and he pulls back immediately. 

"Ali, don't, you are emotional and aren't thinking right," He says, "What? You don't want to kiss me?" I ask, "I do, but not right now, you aren't thinking straight," I cover my face, "I-I'm sorry," I say and feel tears stream down my face, "Don't apologize, it's okay, I'm not mad," he says pulling me into his chest. He laid back on the couch to where I was cuddled into his chest, he played with my hair and before long I was asleep.

"Ali, wake up," I hear Peter whisper, I slowly opened my eyes. "What time is it?" "2 am," I groan, "Why are you waking me up?" I ask, "Because you should probably go to bed honey," I hear Liv say. I sat up, "Liv came over a little bit after you fell asleep, I told her about what you told me," Peter says, Liv sits next to me, "Do you need a break from work, you can still have it, and just come back whenever you're ready," "No--No I want to be back at work, I'm just...just a little unsteady at the moment, I'll be okay though I promise." I say.

"Go on to bed Ali, I'll see you in the morning," Peter says. I nod and head to the bedroom, shutting the door. 

Peter

"She kissed you?" Liv asks as the door shuts. "Yeah she did, I didn't kiss her back, I wanted too but I didn't" I explain, "Do you have feelings for her?" Liv asks me, "I do, but she just broke up with Sonny, and she wasn't thinking right when she kissed me, she probably doesn't feel the same she was just trying to numb whatever she's feeling," I tell Liv, 

"I've known Ali for almost 3 years, she's not shy when she likes someone, if she kissed you it had some meaning to it, all I'm saying is talk to her, she might not be ready for another relationship but she might be ready to start building one, you never know...I gotta get home, Lucy is still watching Noah and we have a long day tomorrow, goodnight Peter," "Night Liv," she leaves and I walk to the bedroom, opening the door and she is curled up on the bed. 

I smile and push her over slightly, climbing in the bed as well, "Goodnight Peter," she mumbles, "Goodnight Ali" I say.